Have you ever had your heart broken so bad that it changed your life? From how you act, eat, dress, and even career path. This happened to Vivian Matthew.

Sean Emmerson was his name. The one who broke her. His guitar skills catapult him to stardom. She always believed in him. Believed that the world would know about his skills. Can any else else say they stayed and supported him? When there were doubts. Long nights. Canceled gigs. Etc…

Vivian wanted to be a nurse. She was so close to finishing. After her relationship ended. Part of her died. The desire to become a nurse faded. She allowed the herself to change in every way. They way she dresses, thinks of men, love, the world, fame, etc. That is why she’s a journalist. She now thrives finding out the truth. Nothing gives her more pleasure than to seek out the truth.

It is impossible to ignore his music. There’s no control over that. Whatever. She focuses on her career and her plants. Yup, she’s a crazy plant lady now. No pets. They require too much of her time.

From what she hears around the office something is off with him or the band. Possibly both. She would ignore or change the subject. Sean doesn’t deserve anymore of her time. That was until the staff meeting… four of them will be competing to get the inside scoop. All of them will be attending the concert. Backstage passes including exclusives one one ones with the band.

Vi cursed under her breath. Her boss turned down her rejection to do this piece. It won’t be long before someone find out about their past. The one that took everything in her to forget.

Her outfit for the concert 

Sean always wanted to be a rockstar. As a child, he had idolized bands such as Sum 41, blink-182, Green Day, Nirvana, all the greats. With no mother figure in his life growing up, he idolized them quite often and some would say, to an extreme. Due to his mother neglecting him as an infant, he developed RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). It molded how he thought of women and relationships in general. 

Which put him in the pit he was in now

During the early days of his trek to stardom, he had a garage band that slowly began to gain traction over the course of a few months. It was the happiest he had ever been. Not because of the band, but he had his first love with him at the time. Her name was Vivian. Sean can't help but think of her whenever the name is mentioned. Almost never pertaining to his ex, though.

To justify what his decision of the band over her, he claimed she would leave him either way. The thought scared him at the time and he finally expressed that the entire relationship he kept doubts about how genuine it was. Which was true, but he never told Vi about his disorder

Once he got a record deal for a label called “Fueled By Ramen” He decided to leave her to pursue his dream. He was put to be the lead guitarist/singer of a band called “Peeled Artwork”. The name was loved by many, as their music came to be as well.

But the fame and fortune couldn't fill the emptiness in his heart. To take his mind off of it, he would often get high or drunk. Often times he got cross-faded, which was the term for both being high and drunk.  Due to this, his bandmates started to distance from him. Which in turn made his depression worse. He often hinted at it in some songs, and he kept a USB full of unreleased material about his feelings. It was all the same. The only thing keeping him from going completely crazy was hope that he'd find someone like Vi in life. Only when it was gone did he realize how much he cherished it.

Currently he was getting ready for his next concert. It was in his home state, but he had no one he wished to see. His high-school buddies cut him off when he left Vi for the big leagues.

Once they were all set up, he went backstage to wind down a little. At that time he was informed of some journalists coming backstage to see what was going on. Sean didn't know he fell so hard the public could see it. The band kept making the same punk-rock or alternative rock music. The lyrics never hinted anything out of the ordinary. Then he came to realize, he was a celebrity. Which meant almost his every move was being observed by the public. After he was done smoking, the doors to the public opened. The stadium filled with chatter. Excited, some obsessed, and casual fans were all there. One thing he didn't take for granted was his fans. He enjoyed that they were one of the more friendly fan bases, and he appreciated their support. In his earbud he heard, “The press will be backstage after the show, just like everyone else.” One thing he did quite dislike about his situation was the constant interviews and paparazzi chasing him. Taking a breath, he spoke into the mic once the crowd filled. “Are you all ready?” he asked the audience as he hit a chord on his Gibson Les Paul guitar. 

He was responded to by the crowd yelling and screaming. They started the first song, which was their top song so far. The crowd roared. 

To Sean, the concert seemed to not last long. After it was done, the announcement was made for backstage passes. Sean was already backstage.

Vivian is going to have to actively listen to their music. It is hard to ignore his type of genre.  Hard to ignore his music. She can't tell people she knows to not play their song without explaining why. It got tiring explaining it over and over and over again.

It was one of the things she hated about her career. Now it’s time to work which means she needs to listen to it. To them. To him, Sean. Now her co-workers are her enemies. They will be competing to get better information to write the perfect article. May the best article win.

She is going to attempt to capture their angle, all journalists aim to absorb, analyze, and evaluate an artist's work and its place in the culture. At one point that meant a desk overflowing with CDs, but now it means a good Wi-Fi connection and a burning desire to listen to, talk about, and write about music.

Vivian had gathered the important details earlier. The simple ones that is. It must have a clear title which she came up with based on her hate for Sean and will be changed at the end, the concert date and time, venue location, and including specific details about the venue and what’s local. It's to help the fans who aren’t familiar with the location.

For a music journalist, cultivating good relationships is almost as important as good writing habits; both are vital to meeting deadlines, which are often tight and arrive at all hours. The girl walked around watching everything. Thriving to hear anything. A few of her best informantes were there; Jake, Jay, Evan and Joanna. Those are only a handful of people she trusts who would give her a good scoop for a price or a date. No one knew much. Just that the members aren’t getting along at the moment. That is nothing new.

Luckily, she knew one of the guards. His name also starts with a J. She simply doesn’t remember. It was another dead end with this one. Although he did flirt with her. His left-hand shoots up to his ear to listen into the headphones. It was time to start. A few paths were being made and people were rubbing to finish whatever task they had to do. They came in. Sean was the last one. He was the only one not smiling. She hid behind the bodyguard.

Vivian followed the others out to their special section to watch the performance.

Her heart ached. Look at him up there. He made it. Just like she said he would. The only difference is, is that he doesn't look happy. The way he's playing wasn't like the old days. Is he forcing it? Is he over the life he always wanted? Mental note: looks like he has a custom Gibson Les Paul guitar.

The concert felt as if it was the longest marathon of her life. The crowd was nuts. Some random fan behind her most likely popped her ear drum from all the shouting. It felt like everything holy was finally blessing her for ten seconds when it finally ended. Everyone with a backstage pass began to crowd the entrance to get back there. Hug, kiss, and/or take photos with their idol.

Vivian took her time. She didn't mind being last. Nor risking the chance of not being able to question anyone. When she entered Carlos, one of her coworkers, was talking to Sean. He calls for her seeing she just entered.

“Hey, slow poke. Come meet one of the members before they leave.”

Vi passed on her best smile. “Nice to meet you, Sean Emmerson. I'm Vivian Matthew. I work with Carlos. What is your creative process like? Who would you most like to collaborate with?” She pulls out her tape-recording pen. Can't miss anything.

Carlos left them to go talk to someone else. He ran like a true journalist with a pad and pen in hand. Vi’s heart began to race. Would he even remember her? Her lips parted to speak, to ask something anything but nothing came out. Her lips closed hearing girls screaming and security trying to pull two girls off of someone. It made her chuckle. That was unexpectedly needed. With a small smile on her face, she turns to look at him. “How many times has that happened to you?” she asks breaking her professionalism.

Sean had only enjoyed the fans so far. The music was all the same, the routine was all the same. Is this what fame is? 

It did not matter at the moment. He had to put a face on. The fans were coming to see him. And the press. He was more worried about the journalists, because they would be watching his every move. More than likely already have. 

A male journalist hunted him down first. Asked mostly generic questions that over the years Sean had developed auto-answers to. All Sean could think about the man was that he was not the best journalist.  

He called a girl over, and Sean couldn't help but roll his eyes. His girlfriend? Or a coworker? She introduced herself and Sean froze. He needed to apologize to her. Not now. She was recording. He couldn't help but think of all the regret and sleepless nights he had due to leaving her. There was one celebrity he dated, but it was short and sweet. They no longer speak to each other. Sean often completely cut off his exes, and Vi was no exception. After a pause he answered one of her questions. “I would love to do a collab with Pierce the Veil. I love their style." He got lost in her eyes for a second.

She was even more beautiful than he remembered. After a pause again, Sean answered her second question. “My creative process is weird, even to my bandmates. Inspiration has been sparce these days so I often. . .play games. Other people's work tends to bring my own inspiration to create” That was his old method, in high school. Now he just leaned further into his addictions. He couldn't tell the press that. Especially not Vi.

In front of her, he began to realize how terrible he looked. The bags under his eyes were so deep, it could almost pass as eyeshadow. His hair was slightly greasy, and his eyes were bloodshot. Other people couldn't tell if he was crying or if he was high. Most fans ignored this, for it was a huge moment for them. He was glad that some people felt of him as he did of his favorite bands. Even when he doesn't look the best right now. 

Then he looked to one of his bandmates. His name was Dante. Security was having to pull some crazy fangirls away from him. Then Vi asked a more casual question. “Too many to count” he answered. Scratching his neck, he genuinely hoped she didn't remember him. There was no doubt in his mind that she would hold a boiling hatred towards him. That's not what he cared about. All he needed to do, for himself, was apologize to her. His depressive episodes got worse because of his inability to do so. The regret of leaving her pulled him down constantly. No matter how hard he tried, he could not forget her. When he left her, he left a part of himself behind. To him, it felt like a core part of his soul. She made him truly happy. If it wasn't for his stupid excuse for a mother, they would probably still be together. Really the reason why he broke up with her was doubts and looking forward to his dream. Which was quite underwhelming for him at the moment. 

The dream was to be back together with her. Deep down, he wanted that more than anything. Last time he truly felt close to someone was last time he saw her. Before they broke up, of course.

No matter who he hooked up with, it was never the same. No one made him feel the same.Sean realized she was recording him, to get his genuine answers. Frowning, the fact she was a journalist finally clicked. From what he remembered, that's not what she wanted to do.  

“Hey, can you stop recording for a second? There's something I need to say…something I only want you to hear.” he paused. “Please?”

Sean sounded like himself. Then again it sounded like something was bothering him. Is it her? Not that she cares. He doesn't know how badly he hurt her. He can handle being uncomfortable for a bit.

It was a habit for her to remove his hair from his face. It made her free hand fidget. “Even when Nirvana is touring? Rumor has it one of their opening act canceled last minute.” she informs her with a gentle smile. One doesn't forget their first love’s favorite anything. Not when she heard all there's songs on repeat.

Vivian caught him staring at her. It made her skip a breath. His next answer made her chuckle. Sounds like nothing has changed. Although she doesn’t remember him playing video games much. Unless she took that time to do her own things and simply doesn’t remember.

The scene before them was something. She would hate having people jumping on her every night on tour. It would definitely Fuck with her but that’s just her.

Sean asked for her to stop recording. What is it that he wishes to tell her in secrecy? She presses a button to end the recording. Her smile faded during the brief process.

“You have two minutes and I’ll go back to recording. Finished or not. Off the record you look terrible. You need a break… rockstar zombie…” Vi whispers. He had a few nights were he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t function. It was as if he was a zombie to what he loves doing the most. That’s how her nickname for him was created. She always said it would’ve been a great band name.

It felt like things began to slow down for the two of them. The anxiety was making that moment feel like a weird music video. Her bottom lip began to to be chewed on as she turns to look at him tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. Dante and Carlos looked their way. Vi have them a quick wave. She needs to end this and go talk to the others. Why is she still standing there like an idiot.

“They will be heading our way soon…” she warns him finally looking at him again. This time she gave him a real smile. Only because they can go back to pretending they didn’t know each other. She wasn’t good for him before. She isn’t good enough for him now.
“Seany boy, why are you hogging up all the good time with the sexy journalist?” Dante asks after having a slow walk to make him look a type of way but she thought it was stupid and the smolder look her gave her… ha!

“Careful. She bites. Vi this is Dante. I’m starting to think we should team up. I’m giving you each member one by one.” Carlos says being snarky. 
“I like them more when they bite. Would you like a private one on one?”

Vi chuckles. She looks at Sean. “Are we done? I would like move on to someone else.” She was trying to stay calm. Certain celebs doesn’t hide their intent and Dante seems to be one of them. 

There she went again with that damn nickname. Once he realized she stopped the recording, he said, “I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. There's so much I kept from you. I just needed to apologize. For me. That's all." The words came out quickly and in a nervous tone. He looked behind her where her coworker was speaking to Dante. Dante made eye contact and smirked, deciding to walk over. The comment by the drummer made Sean's blood boil. He couldn't do anything about it, but Dante just pissed him off in general. Looking Vi up and down, he then turned to Dante and said: “She's a tough catch man, good luck.” before patting Dante's shoulder and making his way off. Once he was a few feet away from them he got bombarded by fangirls. Keeping a stoic face, he autographed their shirts, hats, shorts, even bras. It seemed whatever they had they wanted his signature on it. Security noticed this and jumped in, spacing the girls away from him. At least the label realized he was having a rough go of it. They didn't care, just did the minimum so he would extend his contract. 

He gave a blank smile to his fans, before walking off into his changing room. Rummaging through the cough, he found a pack of Malboro's and a lighter taped to it. Peeling off the lighter, then grabbing a cigarette he struck the lighter a few times. Once a steady flame started, he lit the stick and put it to his lips. He had to do something to either forget how he felt while talking to Vi, or to just relieve stress. Nicotine right then took his mind off of her, and also calmed him down.

The rockstar life sure as hell was lonely. At least for Sean. Looking to his open guitar case, it held his acoustic. Normally he only used it for stripped songs on tour, but right now he needed to be lost in something. Preferably not pills. Didn't end well last time.

Taking the acoustic out of it's home, he began the tuning process. At this point he could do it by ear. Once it was tuned, he began to play. Singing off the top of his head.

"I'm in love with the concept.   

 Sadly it's not how I imagined

Cause we're still in love…but don't know it yet.

Just need a lil bit of magic~

The moonlight isn't the same anymore.

Without her."

He paused singing and kept fingerpicking, listening to the sounds and bustle of the people backstage. Vi definitely hated his guts. With good reason. He was an asshole for leaving her. Looking back on it, their relationship it was nothing but good.

Switching up the tempo a bit, he began to pick a bit faster.

"I don't deserve it,

It's a curse,

Banished from heaven, I

Might end up in a hearse,

Pick up the knife, 

And cut me,

Know you want to

End my life…"

Sighing, he stopped playing and muted the strings. His depression was getting worse daily. The interaction with Vi did not help whatsoever.

He picked the cigarette up out of the ash tray, flicked off the end, and took a hit. He thought to himself, Damn weed is illegal here. Sure could get high right now. 

Once he smoked most of it, he snuffed it out on the ash tray. Coughing a bit, he decided to lounge on the couch. Just one more hour of being here. Two more shows in the area. The band has a few days to roam the area. Sean was considering visiting his cousin, but decided against it.

There was a knock on the door, it was Dante. Sean let him in and Dante said, “Yeah, no luck man. You were right. She turn you down too?” In response Sean nodded. Shortly after an awkward silence, Dante decided to leave. Sean never was too fond of their drummer. Dante was extremely cocky and narcissistic. Two things he disliked heavily.

He apologized. It made her walls tumble in an instant. A weird wave of emotions hit her. Why now? He could have reached out whenever he wanted. She still talks to his cousin Crystal for crying out loud. Does he even know that? then again Crystal is probably keeping it from him. Can have the family get more divided because of it.

Vivian’s eyebrow twitched. He wasn’t going to stop his band mate. He just played along. That made the sympathy wave she felt wash over her body boil.

Watching Sean leave brought up hold memories. Especially the one when he ended things between them after watching him sign a bra she walked away leaving Dante and Carlos. She went to speak with Axel and then Soren. Soren slipped and told her she band may take a break after this tour and how they seems to be drifting. He tried retracting it but it was recorded already. She made a deal with him. If he gets her in to the remaining shows and, and this is the important part of the deal, get an exclusive with the whole band on video she will delete what he told her. He said he can get her into the next show but we would needs to discuss the rest with his mates.

Dante had more girls tossing at him. This time Axel tried helping out but it made it worse. She took that opportunity to look for Sean. Needless to say she got lost and no one stopped her because she was carrying… something. She doesn’t even know. Vivian did a quick U-turn hearing someone play. She placed whatever case she was holding near cart and leans against the wall. Recording and listening. The smell of a cigarette hit her nose. But the worse he was singing hit her heart. Part of her wanted to walk in to get some old questions answered when he took a break. It made her wonder if this song is being made in the spot or has he been composing it for a while.

The journalist left his door hearing him cough. Jordan catches her. The security guy she knows. “You need to stop doing this.”

“I’m sorry. I’m leaving now. Lead the way?” Jordan looked at her confused. Vi would normally argue or defend herself. She did neither tonight.

Vivian was the first to leave. There wasn’t anything else she needed to see. Not when she got the band in the palms of her hands thanks to Soren. Until they reach out she’ll be working from home.

Before she left though she paid Jordan to give Sean dime of whatever he’s selling today. Jordan tried to deny his side business but she mentioned a few of his costumers names. He couldn’t deny all ten of them. Especially when she would smoke with half of them.

Jordan made sure to deliver it before Sean left his room. “From the cutie journalist with the black dress. She paid for it.” He says placing it on the table, “It’s not laced. Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. Plus she’ll have my head. She’s terrifying when she wants to be.” Jordan rubs the back of his neck making the interaction weird. Without saying anything else he left.

Vivian didn’t go home. Instead she went to get tacos from a take truck near by. Food always makes her feel better. She’ll have some now and then later for when she gets high. The tour bus should pass by this route. She looked it up. The company already for them hotel rooms. Once when she’s done eating some tacos she’ll head to the hotel and smoke in her car before heading to her room. A smoke free room. Not that she was going to smoke cigarettes.

When the tour bus passed she was stuffing her face. Soren and Dante gave each other a look. Soren confessed his crimes. Dante just made a dirty joke of how he can easily replace what’s in her mouth with what’s in his pants. But it was also making him hungry for some tacos.

Shortly after Dante left, J entered with a Ziploc bag of a few ounces. Vi bought it? Why? There's no way it's not laced. He remained silent, forgetting that J was still in the room. For a while now, Jordan had been Sean's and a few others remote plug in a way. The man always seemed to have something. Before leaving, he did say that it wasn't laced. Once he came to, Sean realized J was gone. Biting the inside of his cheek, an old habit that he could never rid of, he grabbed some papers and began rolling a blunt. Could she have been listening to him? Or did he just look that shitty? Either way, Sean didn't care. Now he could see her again…just to pay her back. The only thing stopping Sean from getting some himself was that he didn't want to get into a scandal. Drugs were normal for rockstars, but they rarely got caught doing the good stuff. Weed wasn't the most extreme thing Sean has taken, but it would do for now. Now that he began to think about it, codeine is also an option.

While he was losing himself in thought, the blunt was finished and the call to pack up began. Putting his guitars, cords, and straps together, he made his way to the tour bus. The company bought them a few rooms in this fancy hotel. Sadly, it was no-smoking. They would likely not follow that rule. Now, they began to hit the road. A few blocks down was a taco stand. Conveniently placed by a traffic light. 

Soren and Dante seemed caught up with someone outside. Sean didn't hear Soren's comment, but whatever Dante said pissed him off. Getting up from his seat, he grabbed Dante by the collar and said: “Stop fucking doing that. It's annoying! Every goddamn girl you see. Just pay for a hooker at this point.” Letting go of Dante's collar, Sean resumed. “And that shit you pulled with the journalist was uncalled for. Ruins our rep. Plus, we all know you have zero game.” Dante got pissed in due to Sean calling him out, as the tour bus pulled into the lot by the taco stand. The driver stated that they were to take it outside and settle it. Sean had no objections and Dante was fuming, so neither did he.

Sean knew Dante's past. Man had been in and out of jail for years before the band. Mainly assault. Right now, Dante didn't have any weapons. Sean was also a fighter, especially in high school. He was confident he could floor Dante, because of their difference in builds. Dante was about 6'0, 190 pounds. Sean was 6'5, 230 pounds. Most of the weight was muscle, and it was distributed well due to his height. 

As they were about to fight, Sean noticed Vi looking in their direction. That must be who Dante was talking about. The lights in the parking lot went out, a call the driver must have made so no cops showed up. Immediately after a loud snap could be heard, a scream, and Sean yelling, “Don't fucking speak to her like that!” Despite their time apart, Sean still wanted to be with her. He was still willing to defend her. The snap was Dante's shoulder. Sean dislocated it, pushed Dante to the ground, and began beating his face in.  Once Dante began to plead for Sean to stop, his face all bloodied, Sean put Dante's shoulder back into place.

No security stepped in this time. In the past, if it would happen normally someone from the team would break it up. Since the band would probably cease to be soon, no one bothered. 

Once the parking lot lights came on, Dante could be seen limping to the van, and them leaving Sean behind. Sean told the driver he would walk. In reality, he was going to see if Vi was still there. The snap was loud. It probably scared most people off. 

Pulling out a white cloth from his jacket, Sean wiped the blood off of his hands. Once he was cleaned up, he put the cloth back and headed towards the taco truck.

His wallet was in his hand, ready to pay Vi back.

The taco truck owner began to talk to Vivian. He gave her stories after stories. Some that he gave her verbal and record permission to write about. They were laughing when the truck came into view. It began to fade when the truck as the truck was coming to a stop.

Vivian walks towards the back of the truck to see what was going on. Even the truck owner opened the back of the truck to see what the hell is going on. The stupid fool, the guys words, parked illegally and he is curious to see why.

Sean and Dante got off the bus. Vi began to chew slower. Rockstar Zombie is furious. He and the food truck owner began to argue who’s taller and guessing their height but then Sean began to yell. Everything happened so fast after that. All they heard was snap… Sean broke Date’s shoulder. They could’ve swore they heard Dante gasp preparing to scream. Poor creep attempted to scream but didn’t get the chance because Sean started whaling on him.

Vivian was going to power walk to her car, but the food truck guy pulled her in to the truck. He told her to stay low as he turned up his radio and pretending he saw and heard nothing. She simply grabs a soda can and showing it to him for it can be added to her bill.

“Good afternoon, do you need help?” He asks the random guy who broke someone’s shoulder.

VI’s phone because to buzz. She couldn’t ignore it. It was her boss. She did her best to whispers and the guy began to make food extra loud to cover her. Fucking Carlos ratted her out. They know she’s not at the hotel and will be missing her chance to get some inside scoops. Vi needed to go. Now. She give the guy a hundred dollars.

Her pace was good. It was quick. Her pace slowed down thinking why is she running? This is Sean. He won’t hurt here. Her job wants a juicy article, she can stay. She can get that juicy information. Vivian auto starts her car and sat in the hood of her SUV. Her foot got a boost thanks to her tires to get on. She simply wanted.

“You’re supposed to hurt your band mates in private. What caused it? Do you feel better?” Vivian asked checking him out. Did he get taller? “I can’t promise that I won’t write this down but since it’s just use why the fuck are you apologizing now? Is this some road to redemption kinda shit? Like going to AA?” She lifts up her right like to pull out a metal container. She began to feel off again  her emotions were getting the best of her  this would be a great time to punch him and ask why he left her. He owes her a real explanation.

Vi lite up a blunt. Two puffs in she offers him some. The second one she held on a bit longer. It slowly came out her nostrils while her eyes were looking at the ground. They may be their only chance to talk in private. Especially when his bus left it. “How are you supposed get to the hotel? Hitch hiking is creepy around this time.” Vivian then sighs. She hopes off the car. She is going to attempt to push big bird. Her walk was quick and she used all her strength to push him. If finally happened. She screamed. “Why. Are. You. Here? You could have gone back on that bus. I don’t accept your weak ass apology.” Vi was out of breath when she was done yelling at him. The girl began to pace. She should get in her car. Leave him. Let him be stranded. Why is she still here? Why is she breaking her composure?

On his way over to Vi, the taco stand owner who seemed startled. He asked if he needed help to which Sean replied, “I need quiet about what just happened.” and handed him three hundreds. Vi was sitting on the hood of her car when he got near her. She seemed pissed. Understandably so. To her, he was probably just following dead feelings. There was no doubt in Sean's mind that Vi hated his guts. As she did earlier, she once again bombarded him with questions. 

Chuckling a bit, he replied to her first three. “He's an asshole. I was tired of his shit. Also, for some reason, him treating you like the local whore made me even more mad.” 

Then she asked the more pressing one. He denied the offer for a hit. Was he trying to win her back? He certainly didn't think he was. Sighing, he pulled his wallet out. As he was doing it, he was pushed. Only stumbling a bit, he paid no mind to it. Of course she was mad. Sean held nothing but respect for her. 

“I'm here to pay you back, I'm walking to calm down. Look, I know you'd rather me dead, hell even I would as well sometimes. I'm not trying to do anything to change your mind about me. Like I said during the weak ass apology, it was more for me than you. Also, no one is gonna fuck with me. I'm too tall for that.”

Shaking his head, he pulled out five hundreds and stuffed it in her pocket. “I'm no longer owing you shit now.” he said, avoiding eye contact most of the conversation. While he said that, he was looking into traffic. The temptation to run in the middle of it was quite strong right now. Fishing in his pocket, he pulled a bottle of percs out and popped two. Closing the bottle, he put it back into his jacket. His knuckles were still red.

The only thing that mattered to him no longer cared for him. Even though he expected such, it was still hard to swallow. For the first time in a while, inspiration came to him. Maybe the pills were setting in but he didn't care. Sean now was determined to have his last album made before morning. 

At this point he didn't know if she was even talking anymore. He was too lost. Certainly, he was a shell of his former self. His voice had less optimism. His eyes were sunken. Rubbing his wrist, he finally broke the silence. “You know, I don't think it would make much of a difference if I was gone…the band would be fine, you wouldn't be talking to me right now. Crystal wouldn't be so worried about me. Dad would be happy…Only positive things could happen from my death…that is what I believe.”. His hand instinctually went back to the pill bottle. It would be less painful than getting hit by a car. Whatever Vi replied, he didn't hear it. Walking back to the taco stand, he ordered a Coke and a taco. This time he walked away from Vi, sitting on a curb. In truth, he hadn't talked to any of his family in years. Crystal kept trying to reach out, just with no luck. As he pondered his life, his mind couldn't help but go to his relationship with Vi. It was the best thing to happen to him. Fuck fame, that was the only thing of worth to him. Looking back on it, of course. In the moment he took it for granted.

He couldn't care less if Vi ruined his reputation. He ruined her. Plus, after the two shows in this town, he was planning to end it. Only thing he wanted to do was say goodbye to his fans. Despite his fame, he had absolutely no friends. 

Now he had eaten the two tacos, and he looked down to the pill bottle. The fans would only care if he kept making music. After all, it's the only reason they like him.

He got too attached.

 Even to people he never met or talked to.

Sean barely moved. He didn't seem fazed by what she did. He was too calm. At least that's what she thought until he started talking. Then there was the disrespect. He pulled out a lot of cash from his wallet. First of all, what kind if crazy person walks around with that amount of money on them? She would never. “It was a gift. I can spare thirty dollars.” Vi crossed her arms. How much did Jordan give him? Jordan is going to get punched in the throat. 

What is wrong with him? He's here yet he isn't. “The only thing I ever wanted was a real explanation. I'm not one of your groupie whores Sean. I loved you. The real you. Why can you accept the gift? It was to help relax you. Unless you're doing them hard shit now.”

This was scaring her. He isn't himself. Her gaze followed his. Her anger was being replaced with fear. He better not be thinking... He can't. His band and the tour are doing well. This is what he wanted. How bad have things gotten?

It was the raddling that made her eyes break free from the terrifying thought. All the saw was him popping pills. Did he just really pop some pills? They bashed people for going down that road instead of using their resources to seek help. Her breathing was now shallow. Vivian tried to get him to look at her. She began to express how he was giving off crazy vibes. That she is willing to put their past and her emotion aside if he would just talk to her. Tell her what is going on in his head. He wasn't listening. What the fuck did he pop in his mouth? Would it be weird to wish it was sweetarts?

Vivian could feel her lips twitching as it felt like her soul was breaking seeing him like this. There were many times when she wished ill on him. Never death. That would kill her.

“Stop. Don't you dare talk…” is he walking off? What the fuck!

All of this is reminding her of something she read once. It was by F. Scott Fitzgerald. ‘The loneliest moments in someone's life when they are watching their whole life fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.’

It fits this moment. This unnerving moment.

Vivian watched him walk to the food truck. Right, she forgot her tacos to bring to the hotel. It wasn't until he sat on the curb that her legs began to work. Instead of going to get her tacos she bends down behind him wrapping her arms around him. How can one ignore someone in pain? One that you'd to care for so deeply that you would die to see them smile. Her head couldn't wrap around the thought if him being like this. Did she trigger something? Or what Soren said has something to do with how he's acting? Well shit, he's all grown up. She probably looks like a child next to him. When did he start working out?

“I would care. I still care.” she tells him before letting Go to sit next to him. Her arm snaked around his the best she could. “Remember Amy Cruz? She's married to Mr. Phillips the science teacher now…” Vivian rests her head on his arm. Her eyes stared at the sky. How did they end up like this? Neither of them seems fully okay. As if they both buried their pain to move on. For a moment she thought is she was to talk, open up, he may do the same. “You know dark times teach you a lot… That's why you can't regret what you went through but rather be thankful for all the lessons it taught you.” Vivian unwrapped their arms and removed her head from his shoulder.  Her arms are now wrapped around her legs and her head rested on her knees to look at him. “Crystal is engaged and pregnant. He is a nice guy. A bit weird but nice… As an old friend, you can talk to me. What is said on this curb will stay here? I promise. Just know if you try anything I will do my best to stop which may end up getting both of us hurt.”

His breathing became shaky as she wrapped herself around him. His chest began to burn, feeling as if his heart was skipping a beat. Could he really talk to her? Sighing, he opened his mouth. The words were drug out and slightly slurred due to the pills, it was mainly coherent. “No matter how hard I try, it always feels like a dream. A nightmare. There's a lot you don't know about me. Stuff even Crystal doesn't. It's mainly trauma…” he paused. “It's fine, though. I'll be able to handle the next two shows.” After that, he was planning to OD backstage. Maybe fentanyl, make it quick. Shit, might as well say his mind. Not like Sean is planning on being around much longer.

“The reason you never met my mother was because she neglected me as an infant. At the time she was still with my dad. He was working two jobs, so he couldn't hold me or feed me much. Yet for some reason he tried. Stephanie left Dad and I when I was ten. I guess she had to make sure I knew how worthless I was…Sure as hell did a good job. Anyways, I developed serious attachment problems because of it. Only reason I left you was because of such. It wasn't you I promise. You were perfect, I took it for granted and doubted the truth of it. When the label picked me up, they bunched a few other misfits with me. We never really clicked but we could get the job done. It just made me more and more depressed. I gave up the only good thing to happen to me, for something that felt fake. Sure, I achieved what I wanted. What I really wanted was to be someone else…someone better…” he stopped and thought for a second…It was too late to try and be all buddy-buddy with Vi. Yet for some reason he really wanted her to stop him from ending his life.  

“The music isn't even what I really want it to be. It just has to be what the fans want. It lost the luster it used to have.”

The buildup of trauma and loneliness that he had never mentioned to anyone just was released. His eyes were filling with water. Ever since he was a kid, he was told it was inappropriate for a man to cry. So, it held back tears and just rubbed his eyes.

“Anyways. Not trying to make it about me, how have you been?” his voice was shaky. He couldn't bring himself to tell her about his plans. She would probably butt in and try to stop him. Why though? Doesn't she want him gone? It would make her life much easier, not having to see his face at every turn.

At the time, he didn't realize it but he began to chew the inside of his cheek again. Without meaning to, he leaned his head on her shoulder. All he wanted was to be held. Basically, Sean wanted a stand-in for a mother figure that he never had.

He was able to stop the tears from coming out. Something needed to distract him, quickly. Really, he just needed therapy. Every time it would come up as an opportunity he denied it, though.

Vi should have been aware of Mr. Emmerson's drug abuse and his mental and physical abusiveness as well. So, Sean felt no need to explain it. Even if Sean never told her of such, Crystal probably did. At least she was doing well. Makes one member of the family not to be a total addict and fuck up. Even though she was a cousin, Sean felt of her like an older sister. Because it was a mainly surface-level relationship and Sean had no doubt Crystal would grow to hate him as well, he eventually stopped talking to her. Around two or three years ago. Which was also around the time Sean left Vi for his dream. Why wasn't taking her along an option? Maybe things would be different if that was.

On top of that, the bandmates didn't get along. It wasn't just Sean. The piling loneliness ate up at his soul daily.

When was the last time they had a moment like this? Just being there for the other. They don't even have to talk. Sometimes she prefers to have someone around and do nothing. Say nothing. This was nice as much as it is weird.

Vivian can hear him. All of his. The words coming out of his mouth aren't matching up with his voice. With how he's speaking. He can't handle this alone.

Sean didn't have it easy growing up. She didn't know any of this. Part of her felt stupid for being so honest with him. He kept this from everyone. How did he manage to keep it in for this long? No wonder he is the way he is.

Vivian rests her head against his. She didn't think he would touch her. He didn't seem like the type to be physical in any aspect.

“You can always make a solo album. It happens. Take Beyonce, Phil Collins, John Lennon, MJ, Prince… I can go on. The point is you can do your own thing.” Vivian closes her eyes. He doesn't smell great. The smell of cigarettes always bothered her. “Fuck the fans. If they truly like you they will follow you,” she mumbles.

Vi didn't know what to tell him. Her life... What can she tell him about her life since he left? It's like she's the one being interviewed now. It's not a pleasant feeling.

“I'm surviving. Changed career parts. Parents got divorced. I'm an Auntie now. Work to live from pay check to paycheck. That's about it. Life is boring.” she blurts out trying to change the subject.

A cold breath greeted them. It made her shiver. Was the temperature supposed to drop tonight? She wasn't prepared for that. She gently taps her head against his before getting up.

“Come on. We're staying at the same hotel. I'm getting cold. Plus there's no way ill be able to drag your ass when them you popped kicks in.” her heels kicked his foot, “For the record, I don't approve of you popping pills. Seems like you have a death wish. Get your sorry butt up and let's go. Crystal hates it when I video call her late. Can I tell her I kidnapped you?” Vi wiggles her eyebrows. It's stupid but they will all get a laugh from it, right?

Vi began to walk away. She won't ask twice. Not beg him. If he wishes to be alone so be it. “Let go get you a little bit of magic… tomorrow night that is. When you're not intoxicated and I'm not wearing a dress in case we need to run from the cops or your fans,” she shouts walking backward. Vi smiled at him. She could attempt to help him. Show him he just needs to find the light in his dark world. If he's willing to accept the help. Although he should seek professional help. She can only do so much. Vi got in her black Nissan PathFinder. Hopefully, his big bird ass can fit in her car. She'll wait for about three minutes before she leaves him behind. She had the heat on low as she made her weekly video call to his cousin Crystal. Crystal was going over her final color scheme ideas for her wedding and nursery theme. Vi wasn't going to mention Sean until she knew if he was getting in or not. Can't have the pregnant one crying.

Sean lifted his head as she tapped hers onto his. A signal to stop. She stated that they need to get going, she had to call Crystal. He didn't completely hear the kidnapping part, nor did he really care. Maybe being kidnapped would take his mind off of things. Give him a chance to gather himself.

No matter, he stood up after about a minut  and a half after Vi went to her car. Opening the passenger door, his first action was moving the seat all the way back. Once he got in, his legs were still against the dash. Even with the car being an SUV. He leaned his head onto the headrest and said, “Thanks…for everything.” he meant just then, and in the past. Fishing in the opposite pocket from where the pills were, he took out a notepad and a pen. He jotted down four words. The title to a new song. “I Think I'm OKAY”. Under it he wrote an idea for an album name. “ANONYMOUS”. In his mind it had a nice ring to it. 

On the next page, he began writing lyrics and chord progressions.

Key of C… Chords, C, D, Am, Em,Bm, G, A.

In order.

Alternate C and D then switch to Am, Bm.  

Same riff throughout the song… Heavier guitar over it…Now the lyrics.

Drown myself in alcohol

That shit never helps at all

I might say some stupid things

Tonight when you pick up this call

I've been hearing silence on the other side for way too long

I can taste in on my tongue

I can tell that somethings wrong, but-

I guess it's just my life

And I can take it if I wanna

But I can not hide in hills of California

Cuz these hills have eyes

And I have paranoia

I hurt myself sometimes

Is that too scary for ya?

First verse done. Just in time to get out of the car and into the hotel. Dante probably grabbed his stuff and trashed it, or he was too scared to even touch it. 

The song was different than what their norm was. Last year they even were thr face on a Anti-Drug PSA commercial. The label certainly didn't care about drug references, as long as the music was selling. If this went wrong, he could go independent….hopefully. Maybe one of his music accomplices could hook him up. Who was he kidding? He wouldn't live long enough to find out otherwise. At least wasn't planning on it.

After the silent ride, he got out and jogged into the hotel. Luckily, he could still stand and walk a straight line. Turning to Vi, he asked, “I don't wanna interrupt your call with Crystal. Anything else you wanna say or do before I go to my room?" In actuality, he wanted to be with her. So badly. Naturally he put on a front and acted like it was fine and he didn't care either way. There was always an answer he wanted to hear though. Because of his many years being strongly against physical touch, it caused him to want it more than ever. He couldn't say that, though. That's not how people knew him. Hell, he didn't even know himself like that until recently. What the pressing matter was to him right now, was how he'd say goodbye without completely giving his plan away. In his world, it was quite likely this would be the last time he'd see her. He had no clue about her agreement and blackmail on the other band member. Maybe everyone would appreciate him more when he was gone. In his will, he wanted what money he had left to help homelessness. That's where he held most sympathy. At least in the grand scheme of society. He might give half to Vi. Since she mentioned living paycheck to paycheck. That's what he'll do. Maybe give her a guitar and his unfinished songs as well. Crystal would get most of the material belongings.

Crystal was over the moon finally deciding on the future events she was planning. It warms Vi’s heart to see her happy. Truly happy. Crystal stops in her tracks hear Sean. His cousin made a face and began to move as if she mocee further to the right she can see who’s in the car. Vivian laughs.

“Remember I said you may have to bail me out of jail?”

“Not again. What did you do now?”

“I kidnapped someone,” Vi informs his cousin watching her pull the seat back.

“Stop. Where the flying fuck did you go? Who is the poor fucker?” Crystal asks sighing trying not to increase her blood pressure.

Vivian adjusted the phone holder in the window so Sean could be in view. She instantly heard Crystal's ugly crying. “There is no way you kidnapped him. He's fucking huge! Like the Iron Giant. How are you, Sean?”

“Obviously he isn't well…” Vi quickly answers as she pulls out of the parking lot, “He's being kidnapper by his crazy ex. Look how I have him.” Crystal rolls her eyes. She was speaking with her husband called her from what looked like the bathroom as steam began to come out of a cracked open door. Crystal said her goodbyes before ending the call.

Vi’s smile faded. It was just them now. Although he was quick to help himself with her things. Whenever she stopped at a red light she would quickly look over to see what he was writing. If it wasn't for the music notes she would have thought he was writing his goodbyes. She needs to put an earbud in her left ear to listen to music so it won't distract him. For his sake, she drove at the normal speed. No need to race when the road was practically empty. A little too empty for her liking. Felt like she was in a horror movie empty. Part of her wanted to ask him if this felt like they were a Jeeper Creepers movie. God that movie is stupid but terrifying.

A sighs escapes her as they tot to the hotel. Vivian parked at the far end. She is over-wearing heels because her toes are barking. The girl didn't jog even though it looked like he ran. For no reason, the journalist laughed. She did put her legs into gear because she's now alone and doesn't wish to get kidnapped. When she was closer some guy slowly got out the car and was just watching her. She practically inside looking back. If it took her one second later to turn her head she would've bumped into Sean.

“No worries. She's probably not calling me back until the morning.” Vi began to tie up her hair. “One last thing before I go back to hating you and you ignoring that I exist…” Her duffle bag falls to her feet as she takes a step closer to him and hugs him. She always loved when someone squeezes her while hugging her. It was a weird comfort thing. As much as she would like to attempt to squeeze the guy he probably won't feel it. Twenty to thirty seconds later she lets go of him. “Go shower. You smell like cigarettes and call your cousin. I had to convince her not to name her baby after you.” Vi gave him a wink to let him know she was kissing. Sort of. Crystal doesn't even know what sues to have. Her crazy ass decided to find out when she goes birth. Vi could never.

“For the record, Soren said he'll get me backstage passes for the next two shows and get an exclusive with everyone at the end. A recorded exclusive.” Vi had her duffle bag in hand as well as walking backward. Her pinky is now on the corner of her mouth and she quietly evil laughs. Austin Powers is Crystal’s favorite movie.

Vi swung around to jog to the elevator. The woman needs to get out of there. It felt like she did something stupid and just embarrassed enough to make up for missed times.

It took forever to find room 632. Her room has a terrible view. Who wants to look into the pitch-black forest? It just made her sing the Jeeper Creepers song as the woman began to strip in order to shower and get ready for bed.

The next day, Vivian woke up around nine fifteen in the morning. Not by choice. Carlos was at her door telling her she had ten minutes to get ready for a virtual meeting. Vi groans. This is a crappy start to her day.

Sean cracked a smile at the comment about Crystal's new baby. The first time he smiled genuinely in a while. God, how he missed her. If he kept in touch with Crystal, he and Vi would probably be on better terms. She hugged him. He squeezed her closer to him, trying not to pick her up. Once the embrace was finished, he agreed with her. “Sorry about that…” Then the backstage pass statement came. “Fuck” Sean said under his breath. That makes his plans a LOT harder. Once her back was turned, he blew a kiss and whispered “Love you…” One thing was for sure. Sean was living in the past. Looking at his keycard, he was in penthouse 4. It came with a nice view of the city and it was quite spacious. When he got there and looked out the window, it was pouring rain. His favorite weather. When it was dark and grey, he felt the most at home. He didn't bother turning on any lights to the penthouse. The lights of other buildings shone bright enough.

A long, hot shower awaited him. His stuff was already in the penthouse, so he didn't need to go out in the storm. He was showering in lava hot water for about an hour. Had to get the cigarette smell out. After he was done, he dried off and put on a robe. As soon as he sat down, he resumed his song. 

Now was the chorus.

Watch me take a good thing and

Fuck it all up in one night

No sleep, up all week wasting time

With people I don't like.

I think

Something's fuckin wrong with me.

He was planning on doing the rest off the dome. All he needed to do so was a backbone. Now, he had to figure out how to get Vi less worried with him. It was his mistake to open up. The last time it would happen, more than likely. 

All of this ran through his mind, which led him to doze off and fall asleep. As soon as the sun was up so was he. Shortly after waking up, he got dressed. Time to work on song two.

Bloody Valentine

Lyrics

The simulation just went bad

But you're the best I've ever had

Like handprints

In wet cement

She touched me, it's permanent

In my head, In my head

I couldn't hear anything you said, but

In my head, In my head

I'm calling you girlfriend 

What the fuck?!

I don't do fake love

But I'll take some from you tonight~

I know, I've got to go

But I might just miss the flight 

I can't stay forever

Let's play pretend

And treat this night like it'll happen again

You'll be my bloody valentine…tonight.

That took him about ten minutes. Looking at the clock, it read, 6:45 a.m.. Groaning, Sean got up and began to pace. Why now? Just when he was about to leave this Earth. Why did she have to come back? 

Sean shook his head in anger, and put on his Nirvana CD. It would drown the thoughts out for now. Luckily, if you had a penthouse, they allowed smoking. Therefore, Sean began to roll a joint. Looking at his wrist, he realized he had a tattoo he didn't temember getting there. It was a tiny black and white galaxy. Sean thought nothing off it. It was probably given to him at a party. 

With a lot of time to spare, he decided to start another song. 

He called it, 9 lives. Instead of humming the tune like he normally did, he decided to reveal it his last show. 

A knock on his door could be heard. It just turned 7:30. Reluctantly, he said “Come in…”. It was his manager. There to talk about the fight with Dante. Luckily he could still drum, since Sean popped it back in with that in mind. Dante decided not to press charges, just needed space from Sean.

Also, the label would not let him renew his contract in the upcoming months.

Sean didn't really care at the time.

At this point he had nothing left to live for. Not even Crystal.

Vivian began to curse Carlos out as she got ready. She put on a pair of dark high-waisted jeans and a plain V-neck crop too with a sheer cardigan. After grabbing her laptop, cellphone, and room key the woman ran to the elevator to head to the conference room on the third floor.

“Barely made it.” Carlos paused to eye her, “Where were you last night? We tried getting you to go to a karaoke bar.”

“I was out eating tacos. No buggie.” Vi knew better than to tell Carlos she spent time with Sean. He will make a big deal about it.

Two minutes later they were having their Zoom meeting. Naomi Peters, their manager, was beaming. Vivian always hated it when she smiled that way. It only meant someone was going to be doing something they didn’t want to. Naomi began telling them her night. It was about two in the morning when she got a call from the CEO of ‘Fueled By Ramen’ and the manager of Peeled Artwork. Her team gasped. There goes Carlos claiming he hit it off with Dante.

Vivian mentally threw up. Naomi made a face before interrupting Carlos. She adds how someone did do their job right because a lucky someone will be traveling the rest of the tour with the boys! Naomi and Tiffany squealed. Carlos, Eddy, and her gave each other a look. She definitely didn’t ask for any of that. Soren and she agreed to something already. She even had it recorded! He will get stabbed with a pen on his leg if… “Congratulations Vivian Matthews! Girl, I don’t know what you did but you did it. I’ll send a bonus at the end of the day. Please go pack your shit and get my this story. Okay? Okay, byeeee.”

Oh, Carlos is furious.  Vivian told them she made a deal with a member but this wasn’t it. She had to upload the recording to play the agreement part. Can’t have the secret of the boys not getting along and that band is breaking up going public.

Tiff made her dramatic cries of attention to get the male's attention. It works every time. Vi grabbed her things and ran out of there. Her life is being altered by one of the four horsemen because what the fuck!

The manager was already at the door. Giving her a copy of their schedule. The bus will be leaving in four hours. Fuck.

Naomi Peters went up and beyond to make sure Vivian was ready. The boss lady it made is so she can refuse to go because of this or that. Someone is driving her car home. They wired her more money to buy extra clothes and a proper suitcase once they reached their next location. The best part is, is that someone went into her room to wash her clothes, back for her, and had her shit ready in the damn tour bus. Vi wanted to vomit. She stayed locked in her room refusing to talk to her coworkers before it was time to go. Someone from the production team came to escort her to the bus. She was also told that the boys were aware and they know better than to touch her without her consent. They had her board first before getting the guys. They want her to be comfortable which sounded like a joke, to be honest.

The boss lady also told Sean of Vivian Matthews tagging along to avoid or cover up a scandal. He was lucky. Her…not so much. The manager told him the others already knew it, and to respect her privacy as well.

Sean nodded and smiled as the manager left. He'll see her again…It had to be fate, right? There's no way it's a coincidence.

He jotted another song down. They had an hour before departure. More than enough time for a rough draft.

He titled it, Voices In My Head it was more metal than anything they had ever made so far. Luckily they were practicing in the stadium. Sound check. He could pitch it to them then.

They were eventually outside the bus, waiting for Vi. Sean didn't want to make a big deal about it, so he finalized the song they waited. Showing it to the others, they thought it was a bit on the edge. They liked that it was something different.

Sean didn't even realize that Vi and the others were in the bus until the driver honked at him. Climbing in, he sat in his normal spot. Which coincidentally was right behind Vi.

He whispered to her, “Almost took my spot” . Then he said to the others,"At least you lot don't have to deal with me after the tour. The label is letting me go." Now that he said it out loud, it hurt a bit. Dante silently cheered. The man's face was still slightly busted. He did a good job of covering it up.

Once they got to the stadium, the band let Vi out first. Once she got her stuff, the others filled in. Sean grabbed his Fender Stratocaster, a more fitting guitar for the songs they'd play tonight. The Les Paul had too much depth for some of the songs. He also grabbed his pedals.

Their entrance led directly backstage. Makeup artist were getting their stuff together, and the sound manager introduced himself. “John is the name. Pleasure to work with you.”  Sean just fake smiled and asked, “Nice to meet you. Mind if we test as soon as possible?” . John nodded and led them to the stage. The band began to set up. Dante's took the most time. Putting a whole drum set together took a minute. 

As soon as Sean got plugged in, he began to tune his guitar and test he pedals. To test them, he played Smells Like Teen Spirit. The song was blowing up across America. It was a catchy riff, but easy enough to play.

Plus, it was Nirvana. Still his favorite band. Sean had taken huge inspiration from Kurt Cobain. Maybe too much.

Once everyone got set up, he asked the group about trying out the new song. The consensus was yes.

The song had a fast tempo. After a bit of instrumental, Sean began to sing. In a deep, gravelly voice.

"The voices in my head keep on telling 

Me to pray, Cuz I'm spinning like a carousel, circling the drain 

Hit the bottom of the bottle 

I don't wanna feel the pain

That is all got for now I don't wanna talk about-

The voices in my head keep on begging me to stay

If I pull the trigger now then the demons go away

And I know my time is coming

So there ain't no time to waste,

That is all I got for now,

I don't wanna talk about-

The voices in my head keep telling me to choose a side

It's Heaven or Hell like it's do or die

I'm a sad boy you know better

Pleade don't make this last forever."

 A screeching sound from the speakers made the band stop. Sean closed his mouth. He now remembered he never showed the band the lyrics. Dante laughed and said, “Dude, you need help” Sean ignored him. Dante was right. For once.

Naomi's words kept repeating in Vi’s head. Soren didn't even meet her eyes. Look at him trying to avoid her. The only person who dared to see close to her was Sean. He whispered how she almost took his spot. It almost made her chuckle. ‘Great minds think alike of course,’ she thought to herself.

What he said next had her watching everyone's reaction. Soren looked defeated and shrugged. Dante looked happy as a clown with all that bruising. Can't have his ego get to him. “Damn Dante, are you okay? Did you walk into a door?” his face soured. Vi heard a chuckle from Axel.

Vi was getting the weirdest treatment. No one likes being the first one to do anything. It felt like she was holding everyone up. Unfortunately for her, they didn't have a spare room for her. She could share with someone from the backstage crew or as a bandmate to share a room. Oh, how Vivian lied and said Sean was okay with sharing a room with her. Of course, she had to make it around real and add him pretending to say as long as she didn't touch his things or smoke one of his cigarettes. Lenny shrugs believing it before leasing her to his room.

Vi walks onto the stage after stopping her things. She began to record them setting up. The guys were waiting for Dante to finish setting up. She zoomed in on all their faces as they tested their equipment before playing. This was a new experience.

Vivian listened to the words. Being a visionary she began to create an idea of what the music video could look like. Sean would be killing off all of the personas in his head that he puts on that isn't the true him. Everything from the sad version to the angry, to the evil. The music video could be an insanely good representation of pretty much the struggle of every single person on this earth, all to varying degrees. It's sad to think everyone has some sort of mental issue. Fighting their demons.

Vi covered her ears hearing whatever that was on the speaker. Vi doesn't know Dante like that but he sounded like an ass. Vi rolled her eyes. John managed to capture what was just one. She couldn't even watch the guy play with his set of colorful buttons. Their manager looked like he was up to no good. Sean’s song is going to be gold for the Metal Heads and the manager sees that.

Her phone began to vibrate. She decided to head to Sean’s room to let the band and everyone else do their thing. Crystal was video-calling her which meant she was finally alone and pregnant Crystal wanted all the details about last night. Vi was given several passes so it'll be easier for her to travel wherever she wishes. She was even allowed to leave but of course, be back an hour before the show. Crystal wouldn't stop crying. The video call ended with her drinking grape juice in a wine glass. Poor girl. She's going to ask Sean to call Crystal.

Vivian eventually exits the room to help out. To find out what changes are being made between this show and the last one. It was easy to get people to talk to her. She has that unwanted ability. She even discovered a sorcerer romance between a handful of people. It was a messy love web. Tonight's office is going to be simple. Black military boots, dark ripped high waited jeans with a crop top that has skeleton hands on her breasts. Dante commented on him wanting to grab them to see if his hands were bigger than the skeleton hands. Axel trips him.

“Don’t worry. He won't touch you. I'll make sure of it.” Axel tells her as he quickly wraps his arm around her and kisses her head.

“I'm really sorry about all of this,” Soren tells her walking sideways still avoiding the contact.

Vi laughs. This band is something. “Don't choke,” she shouts after them. She was educated on certain things she's able to say because a lot of them believe in bad luck. Vi stayed with the manager to watch the concert from the back.

It took an hour or so to get the screeching to stop. It would happen every few notes on one point. John found out what it was and got his team to fix it.

Step one done.

Once Sean got back into his room, he realized someone else had been in there. He asked Lenny. Who answered that Vi went in there, and asked if he wanted to keep her out. Sean said it was fine as long as he didn't smoke his cigarettes or touch his guitars.

Going back into the room, he put on a blood red undershirt, and a leather jacket. Beginning to paint his nails black, he began to hum.

Once that was done, he put on some black skinny jeans and took a knife to them. To fray them a bit. Also a studded black belt. He wore steel toed boots as well. Sean had a hairdresser and makeup artist, so he wouldn't worry about that for a while.

After about fifteen minutes, he visited the cosmetic artists. It was done quite quickly. Now fans started pouring in.

Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Vi since they got here. Hopefully she's alright. 

He took his pitch black stratocaster and walked towards the stage, where he saw Dante and Axel over by Vi. Once the two were gone he whispered to her, “Tell me if they go too far.” If one of the band did, they would be lucky to end up how Dante did.

Once the whole band was out, Sean adjusted his microphone and asked the crowd: “You all good if we play our new album for the first time with you people? It's a sneak peek. Doesn't release for another two hours.” The crowd roared. 

They started with Voices In My Head. It got a great response. Sean smiled slightly, seeing how it was the first song performed that wasn't just for money.

After the song, and a swig of water, Sean spoke to the fans. “This one is called 9 lives. It's more punk than the last one, so bear with us.”

He strummed a G chord.

Then the rest of the band started. Keys, drums, rhythm guitar. Then Sean again.

"Lived nine lives so I guess I got 

None left

Spent mine, fucked up, running down 

Sunset

All this anxiety,

My stomach got upset.

But we're not done yet"

Before he moved onto the verse Sean began to hype the crowd up. His stage presence was amazing. Even if he wasn't smiling.

"I wear this cross

So God can find me

If my soul gets lost

I look behind me,

And the past still haunts

I'm running but my legs

Won't move or walk

I'm hustling, no days off

Got everything I wanted

But I'm still pissed off."

The fans began to get loud.

This part had a bit of angst behind it,

"Paint my face on a motherfucking bullseye

Pulled up late

To my goddamn funeral

Everybody hates but 

can anybody love me?

Guess they'll wait till my face is

On the mural.

One pill,

One hit, 

One line,

I'm good

That's it

I swear

We're fine.

Sometime the life feels easier.

One day

Our dreams

Will come

To life

We'll be

Forever

And never say

Goodbye

Sometimes the life feels easier

Happiness is an illusion

I keep looking to

I don't need the world

Maybe I just need you."

The song went on. Sean wasn't thinking right when he wrote this. Probably was thinking about Vi. 

Looking to the side where the manager stood, he saw Vi. He began to hop a bit and looked back to the crowd. 

Once they finished, the crowd kept yelling. They did about two more songs and a few instrumentals before the concert was over. This time they didn't allow backstage passes, because of Dante's busted ass face.

Sean went back to his room and took off the leather jacket. Luckily, he triple coated his deoderant. Cologne helps too.

He wondered what Vi thought. Was it good enough for the paper? Then Sean realized.

If she was gonna share a room with him, how could he OD? The thought process was like a kid trying to hide something from their mother.

Sean didn't want to mess her up anymore than he already had.

Vi was right. His manager is loving this. He kept making phone calls a few hearing a few new songs. It's only been twenty-four hours since she told him he could go solo if he wanted to. Look at his dark head finally working.

Her head went back to Sean telling her if one of them does something to her to let him know. Why does he care? He possibly only said it to have a section in the article to make him look good.

Now her head was getting dark and cloudy. With her arms crossed under her chest, she looks back at the stage. Their eyes locked just for a moment.

She left the side to check on the producer. She wanted to witness that end of the show. See now they decided to use what effects and who to zoom in on. This guy was on nine cloud enjoying the fact he's using what he feels is right with these new songs. It also looked like the lyrics were getting to him because he looked like he was crying.

Vivian was waiting for others to join backstage after the concert. Jordan informed her of his happy news. There won't be any. She got her camcorder and shot the end of the concert when it wasn't a new song. Can't although she sbouodnhave. Next concert. They all seemed happy in their own way. Sean was the only one who left straight to his room. Vi asked the usual questions of how are they feeling after the fan's reactions. They were open. Brudualy honest. The manager had Jordan scoop her up and take her to her room. Sean’s room.

“This is not right. Jordan I'm going to take you.”

“Following orders. Besides you shouldn't be here. How the fuck didn't I get those passes?”

“The manager gave them to me to be a ray of sunshine,” Vi answers as he opens the door to their room.

“My ass you're a ray of…” he stops seeing Sean, “Need anything?” Jordan looks at Vi, “You enjoyed the ride so shut up,” he whispered.

“I would have if your walkie-talkie was in my rib cage,” she mumbles back. Vin turns to see Sean. “I hate your manager…” she says sitting in an empty chair. “Go change. I'm kidnapping you.” Vin opened her mouth to speak when the door opened.

“Sean, baby we…” the woman stops seeing Vivian.

Vi’s heart sank. It had no business sinking. He's free to as he pleases. Vi got up grabbing her things. “I'm leaving. Take your time... Sorry.” her eyes stayed on the floor we she left.

Axel we leaning against a truck. “I took the liberty of upgrading your rental. I want in”

“In on what?”

“Going out. What better way to get to know us or must of us by taking us out.” axel taps the truck before tossing her the keys. He ran inside to probably change. Did Axel forget he and his bandmates are Giants? She's on 5’6.5. It's average height but compared to them she is short. Vivian climbed the truck and started it. Soren ran out saying he won't be joining. He tried a cookie a fan gave him and he's getting higher than a kite. He also mentioned that Dante isn't going because of his face. Vivian said okay before turning on the radio, video-calling Crystal, and adjusting her seat because she didn't need this much leg space.

Crystal loved everything. Every little detail of Vi’s day. Except for one of the cosmetic bitches interrupting them. She even loved the idea of having a possible co-operative kidnappy agree to the unknown plan. Well, he doesn't know they're going to a festival and catch the last two hours of it before they move to their next location.

“Let's go skating!” Axel shouts getting in the passenger seat, “So is this a solo date or are the others coming?” Crystal squeals before asking Axel questions. Crystal wanted to see Sean again. Even if it to simply saying hi and the call ends.

After a few minutes of Sean in the changing room, Vi walked in. Sean shrugged and began to look for some clothes.

“Sean, baby, we… " It was Katya's voice. His makeup artist. Despite telling her multiple times that they weren't a thing, she refused to listen.

The few nights they had together told her otherwise.

Sean looked to Vi, it looked like that bothered her. Isn't she the one who hates me? Sean thought. Vi promptly gave them the room. Katya asked, “Really? Just going around with any girl you like?”

Sean sighed and shook his head. It was bound to happen sooner or later with Vi traveling with them.

“She's just an old friend. Plus, we're not dating.”. Katya rolled her eyes. Again, she decided to not listen to him. “Well the way she looked at me said otherwise. Almost like you were an item.” Sean was fed up with her. Not only were they not dating, she was acting like he was cheating on her.

They hooked up a few times, sure. Sean only did it because of his loneliness, and her willing to do so. A good plus is that she was model material. 

Sean began to look Katya up and down. Was she always this attractive? Or is she jealous of Vi? It didn't matter to him right now. Katya was still going on about Vi, then stopped and said, “Well, baby, we're going to a festival. You're my date.” Part of Sean liked her assertiveness and the other absolutely hated it. 

Katya left after kissing his cheek, and Sean walked out behind her. Asking Jordan where Vi was, the guard answered, “I think she and Axel left.” Sean balled up his fist and shook his head. Thanking Jordan, he tried to find Katya. 

Why was his heart hurting over this? They hadn't even spoken for years. Now he feels like he just got caught cheating, and not on Katya.

There was a limosuine waiting for them. Katya sat next to Sean, leaning on him. Her plan was likely to get him drunk so he'd fuck her again. Every time so far, he wasn't sober. 

He didn't care. For some reason though, he didn't like Axel going with Vi. Hopefully they aren't alone. Axel could not be trusted to be alone with her, and Vi still be safe. That's all Sean knew. He also disliked that Katya decided today was a good time to play date. 

Whatever, it's too late now. Hopefully Vi still has his number, just in case Axel does something wrong.

Sean leaned slightly on Katya. She squealed and said, “Took you long enough!” before kissing him. Her lips were soft and warm. The makeup she had on, didn't even look like much. For some reason though, Sean thought she was drop-dead gorgeous.

Once they got there, Katya dragged Sean to a few booths. All the stereotypical relationship tropes, Katya tried at least once. Sean had no interest in it.

Since Vi was probably having fun with Axel, Sean decided to take her off his mind and enjoy one of his last few moments. He still fully planned to no longer be around after his next show. It was tomorrow. He was nervous. Vi would probably distance herself because of Katya. She seemed embarrassed when Katya walked in, at least how Sean saw it. 

Now his manager approached them. “Keep making hits like those, and you might be able to stay.” they said, to which Sean chuckled and walked away. With Katya under his arm. She was tall too, about 5'10 or 6 foot. Tall for a girl. Due to Sean's height, he thought that was nice. They were eye to eye. Something he isn't with Vi. She doesn't want me anyway, so why am I thinking about us? Sean thought to himself.

He needed to forget about it. About them. It wouldn't happen ever again. He ruined it. 

At least Katya was there to take his mind off things.

Axel is such an ass. They both saw Sean and whatever her name was in a limo. He is supposed to be going out with her tonight. Vi said goodbye to Crystal to end the call and start driving.

Axel changed. He was more relaxed. Singing to songs playing on the radio. He got so into the song Savage by Megan Thee Stallion it had her laughing so hard her ribs started hurting. He even told her he going to force her to go to that TikTok trend so he fans to do it and blames her for forcing him to do it. Vivian was okay with that.

When they got to the festival they didn't see Sean or whatever her name is. She eventually asked Axel about that. He informed her that Katya and Sean have this on-and-off thing. No one knows if they are really exclusive or just having fun. Then Axel began to open up. He told her his story. He came from a religious family. He had a sister die and his best friend. It did something to him. As he spoke they did a few of the carnival games. Axel stops seeing Sean and Katya.

“Well shit how about we do a double day?” he asks placing his arm around Sean.

Katya gave Vivian a look. “That would be a great idea but this isn't a date.” Vi says poking his side. “Now you owe my some funnel cake after losing the ring toss. Come on. Let them enjoy their date.” Vi kept a straight face as she tried not to vomit. They look good together. She's tall, toned.

Vi snaps out of it when she was thrown over Axel’s shoulder who wanted to get on a Ferris wheel. “No, no. Put be down Shrek. I don't want to get on. Please.” he wasn't having it. Old Vi loved the Ferris wheel but something happened shortly after Sean left her and she is now terrified of them. Something Crystal knows half the story too.

“It’ll be quick. I'll feed you after. Promise.” Vi wipes her face. He's obviously not going to listen. Sean is most likely enjoying her cry. He's on a date. He will probably ignore it. Even though he did say to get him if one of them crossed the line. Should she dare to even ask him for help?

Sean and Katya were playing one of those water balloon games as Vi and Axel walked over. Katya was having a blast, and Sean was his normal indifferent self.

Vi mentioned something about a date, and Sean replied. “Don't act like you aren't also.” he was wondering why she was so bothered by her. Had she not hooked up with anyone since they broke up? Even just to pass the time?

Paying no mind to it, Katya decided she wanted to go on the ferris wheel as well. They got up, and loosely followed Vi and Axel. He saw him pick her up onto his back, and it rubbed him the wrong way.

The fair was their favorite spot to go. When they were together and one was open. Before Sean stopped talking to Crystal, she mentioned something about Vi no longer liking Ferris Wheels. He didn't remember the entire story. 

Jogging to catch up with Axel, he said to him, “Go easy on her. I know this is the closest you've been to a girl, but she's working.” Now that he was closer, she did seem slightly uncomfortable. Katya caught up with him and began to yell. “What's so special about her? Why is she more desirable than me?” Sean sighed. One of the reasons he couldn't stand her began to become apparent.

“Have fun. Go with them. I'll find another millionaire to mooch off of.” With her piece said, Katya turned and left. Sean shook his head and tried not to say anything else. “We were never even a thing. Bitch acting like she broke up with me.” Is all he said. Beginning to walk away, he realized he needed to let her go.

She was her own person now, he had no relation to her and he let go of their relationship. That was his fault. Sean made his way to a bench, munching on a funnel cake. He was watching the ferris wheel. The lights quite complimented the dark of night. He had no knowledge if Vi was there with Axel. All he could do in that moment, was hope Axel wouldn't go too far.

Sean knew Katya would come back eventually, or he at least hoped she would. She had done this a few times, and always came back.

It didn't matter to him right now.

For some reason he wanted Vi more than ever. He wanted to say bye. She was the only person who, even if it was fake, felt loved by.

He bought a lemonade and another funnel cake. Now the decision was to eat away his feelings. A few fans came up to him and asked for autographs, which he provided.

Now he was truly alone. At least in his mind, Vi seemed to be hitting it off with Axel. Katya probably is with Dante, and Soren no doubt is high as a kite. Probably with a few groupies. Then there's Sean. On a bench, by himself.

He should have been used to it by now. Yet it still hurt him. Is this how his last moment would be? Maybe he ought to throw a party later…just to have some fun.

Looking around, he noticed Axel and Vi. He immediately looked away. Seeing that would make him feel worse. Is this what losing the love of your life felt like? Sean hated it. His gut wrenched. 

Hopefully she was at least happy. Axel wouldn't make the same mistake Sean did. At least in Sean's world, Axel and Vi are now together.

He took a rental back to the hotel. Taking out a notebook, he began to ponder how he would say goodbye. 

It wasn't worth it anymore. He had nothing to live for anymore. 

Vivian was right. Instead if helping he walked off. Probably going after his girlfriend who doesn't seem to like her. Whatever. When Axel put her down to get on she ran off. Axel didn't follow. He got in with two fans.

It was hard to maneuver through the crowd. This place shouldn't be as packed as it is. It only meant that word got out about Axel and Sean being there. Vi went to use the bathroom and wash her face. Her heart would stop racing.

Vi began to dig for the keys to the rental only to find it missing. Then the car was missing. She kicks a trash can before cursing at the universe. It took over an hour to get to the hotel. The Uber for lost finding the pickup location.

When she finally arrived she walked around the parking lot to smoke a blunt. She somehow got to the back of the hotel to see Dante and Katya.

“Fucking groupie…” Vi mutters walking away.

After finishing her blunt, Vi went inside to wait for the next elevator.  Since she's with the band, she's on the same floor as them. Joy. Once she got odd the elevator she began to text Crystal of her horrid night. How Sean is dating the domestic girl and goes to the festival with her. How she lost the rental. How Axel almost forced her onto the Ferris wheel and even though she was crying he didn't care.

Crystal was raging. Smoking while being emotional doesn't mix well with Vivian. It hits her harder and faster. Poor thing was practically leaning against the wall for support. Crystal got worried and prayer that Sean hasn't changed his number. She needs someone to get high Vivian out of the hallway.

As he got a few words down, he got a call. It was an unsaved number. Taking humor in it, he picked it up and answered, “Sean Emmerson. May I ask who this is?” It was Crystal…she was worried about Vi, and furious at him. After a mouthful, Sean replied.

“Katya and I never dated. We were sleeping together, that's it. I never loved her, and she just liked the lifestyle. What's up with Vi? Shouldn't she be with Axel?”

Crystal explained Vivian's perception of it. Which was not good. Sean didn't realize that she was crying. He fucked up…again. He asked Crystal for Vi's room number. Just to check on her. If she was this hurt by him, would he being gone hurt her more or would it help? Crystal said she'd text him the room number. They were all in the same floor, which was convient in this moment.

Sean had also taken her keys, which she'd probably slap him for. Once Crystal replied with the room number, he made his way to it. 732…733…There it is. Knocking on the door, he said, “It's Sean. I got something of yours…also I want to explain about Katya. She's delusional.”

Without Katya, even though she was fake, Sean would have probably pondered ending his life years ago.

If Vi would choose to open the door, he'd  hand her the keys to her rental. Then she can dump all her emotions onto him. One thing he could do was listen.

What felt like an hour took five minutes for her to head to her room. At some point, she did drop her phone without realizing it. The second she got that stupid door to open time went by quickly. She showered while eating Doritos. Nothing kike having wet chips to go with the shitty week she's having.

Room service was still available. She asked for a wine bottle and any kind of dessert to be sent to her room. Her satin lace night dress that was mid-thigh length felt amazing on her. It always did but being high made it feel even better. Like swimming in a pool filled with melted butter. With wet hair, she answered the door. It was her things being delivered.

Her room phone kept ringing but she ignored it. Her Spotify was on and it knew she was sad because it kept playing one sad song after another. Nothing like dancing your emotions away while intoxicated.

With the phone constantly ringing and the knocks on the door she was getting frustrated. Vivian opens the door as she takes another swig from the wine bottle.

Sean…

“Wrong room. Katya is with Dante and Axel is… not sure but he is definitely not here.” Vi was going to use the door to support her not that she stopped moving, but the door opened more making her fall. The one bottle hit her temple when she fell. All she did was laugh. She rolls her side groaning. “Make the ringing stop. Please,” she says slowly sitting up running her right hand through her damped hair.

Vi tucks her legs under herself avoiding Sean. She can't look at him. Not now. Not like this. She will say things that she can't take back. What a drunk person tells you is usually what they have been meaning to tell you when sober you don't have the courage to do so.

Crystal kept trying to reach Vi on her cellphone and room number. Part of her wanted to reach out to her cousin again but she already feels horrible for sending him to do a wellness check on Vi. 

She was definitely fucked up. He leaned down and moved her hair. Her head was slightly bleeding. “I'm not here for that whore. I'm here for you right now. Also to explain that she and I were never a thing. I used her as a coping mechanism.” he said before offering to help her up. She was very drunk. The words she spoke all ran into one another. With a bit of struggle, he managed to get Vi sitting on the couch. There was more than one bottle of wine on the counter.

“Crystal told me about what happened. I'm sorry. I thought you two were enjoying yourselves…Wanted to leave you two to be happy.”Sean said as he closed the door to her room. She kept avoiding eye contact. Taking a wine bottle for himself, he popped the cork and took a swig straight from the bottle.

“Obviously we're both not okay. Since you're already drunk and I'm a lightweight, it'll be better to talk it through like so. Plus we probably won't remember it anyways, and the filter would be gone.” Sean had no clue why Vi was this messed up. Was Axel that much of a problem? Or was it his inability to help her?

Sean's phone kept buzzing with texts. He silenced it and focused on Vi. If he could be there for her now, he would.

“Come on, spew your feelings at me. I've heard worse, I'm sure.” At this point, Sean was slightly drunk. He wasn't planning on getting sloshed, just so he could know her side of things. No matter how negative it was. She was completely out of it, which made Sean have no doubt that what would come out would be unfiltered.

Before she said anything to him, he spoke not realizing it. “I've regretted what I did daily…Just hope you can forget me.” it was kind of quiet, so once he realized he said it out loud he shut up. Hoping she didn't hear his stupid ass.

Sean was on the floor, ready to listen. Whatever it took to make her feel better, even if that was leaving her again, he would be prepared to do so.

Going to take another sip of his bottle, nothing came out. Shit…shit….fuck. All Sean could think of is how much of a fuck up he became. Couldn't even handle his drinking. He stayed quiet. If it wasn't obvious that he was listening, he had no clue what would be. The room began to twist and turn. His eyes were dilated. Damnit, why did he have to take edibles before he got there? He wasn't even sure what was in them.

He just had to shake off the feeling.

As his throat dried up, he got up and grabbed two more wine bottles out of the fridge. Stumbling the way there and back, he put a bottle by Vi's feet. She looked like she needed it. Seeing her like this worried him. He hadn't known her to do many drugs until recently. Did he have that horrible of an impact on her? There's no way, Sean thought. Too many thoughts of worthlessness throughout his life prevented the thought of his life impacting others.

He just listened.   

Vivian snorted. He called her a whore. She is. She's the groupie whore. Although it broke her to think if he actually had feelings for her but accepted she’s the bands plaything because she can’t commit.  Her head felt heavy. She felt heavy. Poor guy is probably struggling to get her up. At first she assumed he was going to dump her somewhere and leave but he didn’t.

The woman snorted again. Did he say he assumed she was having fun with him? “First of all I was going to take you to the festival. Axel found out they rented a car for me to used and changed it to a monster truck…”  vi pulls one of the couch pillow towards her to snuggle with it. her eyes closed for just a moment. They popped open the same time her opened one of her wine bottles.

Vi rubs her eyes. “You left. Everyone kept saying I needed someone better. I didn’t want better. I wanted you. You jerk face.”

Sean wants her to be honest with him. Well for them to be honest with each other. There’s a chance she’ll regret telling him everything. Then there’s the chance she won’t remember and it’ll all be okay.  If there is something she learned the hard way it’s that you either say how you feel and mess things up or say nothing and let is mess with you. She’s tired of keeping her feelings bottled up.

“I… you…” how does she begin to express everything that she kept hidden?

Vivian melts off the couch to be next to him. Her head rested on his arm again. Her legs were bent, slightly resting on top of his. Her chest began to move slower and she tried to calm herself to speak. Inhaling his scent to use it as her anchor to open up.

Vivian started to tell him how her world crashed when he ended things with her and left. She was so depressed that she didn’t have the desire to finish nursing school. Crystal was always there trying to put back the pieces. One day she made a joke about becoming a journalist to get dirt on people and hope that one day she can hurt him like the way he hurt her. That was motive for her to become a journalist.

She tried dating one but that guy was stalker weird. He did end up becoming a stalker. Hacking into her email accounts, breaking into her apartment, and showing up at please she never told him about. He managed to get her in a Ferris wheel and instantly got abusive physical and verbally. It was the longest two hours of her life waiting for the cops to handle the situation. After her failed attempt to date she was over it. Then his band became well known and it was hard to avoid hearing or seeing him. It was as if someone kept pricking her with micro needling. After all this time she still cares for her despite what happened. For all she knows she still loves him which would make sense because seeing him with that tall tall drink of a whore she felt like she got punched in the gut. Axel was a good distraction but Sean was supposed to be the one with her. Not Axel.

He listened to her story. How he fucked with her mentally. That wasn't his intention, far from it actually. Once she was done speaking, he took a breath and rubbed her back.

“You don't need to forgive me. Hell, I don't even want you to. There's something I should have told you when we first started clicking…I have something called Reactive Attachment Disorder. I don't think about relationships both ways and unconsciously focus on protecting me. Becuase of that,I had doubts that piled up after every little argument. Even if we did sort it out. All that to say, I made a bad decision selfishly. My dream was worth more to me at the time than you were…Oh, how I was wrong.” He wrapped an arm around her.

“Look, Vi, you were the best thing to EVER happen to me. At the very least, I want to be friends with you. For some reason, I cut you off. I thought that's what you would want. Like, I wouldn't even k-” he bit his tongue. If he said what he was about to, she would feel pressured to like him. Sean wanted something real, and she was the perfect one to give him that. 

“Nevermind. I realized my mistake too late. The fact I let you go kept eating away at me daily. Katya has nothing on you. She never will. All she was, was a distraction. So…can we at least keep in touch after all of this? My number hasn't changed…”

Being around her made Sean forget all of his problems. He wanted eternity with her. Enough of the fake love, it wouldn't fill the hole in his heart. 

Sean never stopped loving Vi. Even if he didn't realize it in the moment. Now he could feel it more than ever. Now that they were next to each other again.

His one arm around her turned into two as he turned to hug her. Something he didn't do enough of when they were together. He missed her so much. Now he fully realized how stupid he was to let her go. Never wanting this to end, he said, “I'm too drunk to walk back, mind If I crash on the couch or something?” at this point he'd even plead to stay with her, even if it was just for a bit longer. 

Leaning his head on her shoulder, he took a deep breath. Basking in this moment. Sean wanted nothing but what was best for her, but right now he needed some time with her. The disappointment he faced when he started the band that he left Vi for really took a toll on him mentally. He was a beast physically, because he went to the gym to lift his emotions. They were quite heavy, to say the least. His max bench was about 400. He could hit thrust 700 max, squat 330 max. The point his, he went till failure because it was the only thing that made him feel alive. Then more drugs came along. Pills, LSD, Shrooms, and Codeine became his best friend. He quit working out as much. His maxes decreased by at least 100 pounds. 

It made him feel even worse. Being surrounded but somehow alone at the same time just messed with Sean's head.

Right now, none of that mattered. All that mattered to him was her. From now on it would be that way. As long as he could hear her voice.

Vivian felt like she was on cloud nine being close to him again. Is there something higher than cloud nine? She doesn’t know but if there is she’ll be up instead. “So I can’t completely hate you because you have a disorder. You’re still a jerk for telling me now. I would have loved you differently.” She mumbles rubbing her face against his chest.

His embrace feels different in many ways. None the less she’s loving this. “Dam. Skippy.” Vi manages to say fighting back the urge to vomit. The woman is too intoxicated to realize she’s crying. He is finally giving her the answers she always wanted. He is opening up to her. It’s a proud moment but also a sad one knowing she may not remember it. His timing with things are terrible. That hasn’t changed.

He probably doesn’t think it but he was enough for her. She couldn’t imagine how bad his disorder is. How he had to cope with it and god know what’s else.

“Sean… she has the height. I’m short compared to everyone.” She finally opens her eyes inhaling. This is too comfortable. It didn’t help that he ends up wrapping another arm around her. This is the perfect time to melt into him. “Crystal and I love we. We never stopped. Now that you’re sort or back in the picture I declare you join the Sunday family dinner she hosts every other Saturday. But since you’re going through things you need to make an apparent every two months. I go every two weeks because it’s too much for me.” This is his first warning. Crystal will somehow make him attend now that she knows he’s alive and actually answered her call.

Vi pulls away to get up. She is so ready for bed now that he mentioned it. There’s no way his tall ass will be comfortable on the couch. “I don’t mind sharing the bed. Plus I wouldn’t mind a cuddle session if you’re up for it but nothing more Zombie.” It took everything in her to make it to the bed. Going under the covers was impossible. Why do they tuck the bedding in making it adult proof? It’s madness! Everything started to feel heavy again. She won’t be up much longer.

Vi did her best to replay the things he said to her. With his RAD and the fact he apologized then admitted she was the best thing that ever happened to him. She doesn’t want to forget this. It made since why they weren’t exactly lovey dovey or PDA’ing as much as the other. It was never an issue with her. Now she couldn’t tell if she said it out loud or in her head but she told him she loved him. That was the last thing she said before the darkness took over.

The following day Crystal was at VI’s door at thirty minutes past nine. Crystal told the manager that Vi is her wife. They spent every Saturday for two months traveling to different bars and proposing to one another to get free drinks. Vi groans rolling off the bed. Dragging her feet, she went to answer the door. The second it was cracked open Crystal barges in hugging her.

“What the fuck! I thought you died and Sean went back in a cof…” Crystal stops seeing her cousin. Vi had to rub her eyes for her to see what Crystal was seeing… Sean was in her bed. Vi walks off to the bathroom shower. Coffee is needed before they address anything. Crystal smacks Sean’s leg. “Woke up cousin. You have some serious explaining to do.”

Great, now he had to fit family dinners in his schedule. He had the time, it just felt like a drag in the moment. Crystal is better than his immediate family, though.

A cuddle session sounded nice. That was all he wanted. Smirking, he replied, “Yes ma'am, but you're big spoon.” He didn't even completely get up. Dragging himself across the floor to her room gave a mean carpet burn. Too intoxicated to be bothered by it, he climbed up in what he called the ‘passenger side’ of the bed. The right side. Once they were both in the bed, he held her close. So much for being little spoon. Three words came out of Vi's mouth that made Sean turn beet red. If he could get any more red than he already was.

“I love you”

Really? After all he's done?? How?!?

She said herself that him leaving changed her for the worse. How could she love someone who just left? Not realizing she was asleep already, he kissed her cheek and replied: “Love you too, Vi.” His eyelids became heavy. Trying to fight it, with no luck, he fell asleep.

He was woken up by a sharp pain in his calf. Opening his eyes slowly, he saw Crystal. After he had rubbed his eyes to make sure it was her, all he said was, “Cuddle times.” the words were still slightly slurred. Not all of the alcohol had worn off for him yet.

Crystal squealed. “You two finally together again??”. Sean shrugged in response. “The plan was to get drunk, and she'd forget most of it. I normally remember what happens, sadly…” This was no exception. He remembered her story after he left, the dinner every other Sunday, and that she said “I love you” to him. To the very depths of his soul, he hoped that was true. 

Crystal expressed her disapproval of his methods, smacked his cheek for ignoring her all this time, then stormed off to find Vi and interrogate her.

Sean slowly got up. Somehow, between his trip from the main area to the bed, he lost his shirt. There were many scars on his back, and a huge tattoo of a semicolon. Despite it being on his back, when people asked him about it he remembered how he almost took his life at 14. Around his neck was a tattoo of barbed wire, the same pattern was on his right wrist. Angel wings right under his neck, and a scorpion on his forearm.  

He forgot about many of his tattoos. On the back of his neck, there was a noose. Behind his left ear was a tiny star. 

He reeked of wine. Leaving his shirt somewhere on the floor, he walked back to his room to take a shower. Texting Crystal to inform Vi, of course. 

His shower lasted about 45 minutes. Thinking back on the night made him lose track of time.

Once he was done, he got dressed and dried his hair. This time he heard a knock at his door. Crystal is too good at what she does, Sean thought. After getting fully dressed, he opened the door to find Crystal. She said, “Your room is bigger. Since I can't get a straight answer out of you two individually, you'll do it together. Yes. I invited Vi over here. Once she freshens up she'll be here.”

All Sean did was smile slightly. Once the pregnant warrior walked in, he shut the door. Once Crystal asked why he cut her off, he responded as follows: “Because I needed space. I knew I messed up leaving Vi, and didn't need you to tell me such. Also it felt appropriate at the time. After all that happened between us and dad…” the thought of that altercation still sent shivers down Sean's spine. Conviently after Crystal left after their convo that day, Mr. Emmerson called Sean over just so Sean could witness the old man kill himself. If it wasn't caught on security cameras, Sean probably wwould have been framed for the murder of his father.

Crystal made herself comfortable on the couch as Sean paced. Both waiting for Vi.

Vivian screams when Crystal changed the hot water to cold. She almost died trying to get away from the stream and change it back Crystal was going to make her die from this constant temperature change. She wanted answers. Answers Vivian can’t give her because she doesn’t remember! What Vivian did give her was vomit on the floor. That made the crazy pregnant woman leave. Now Vi needs to clean it up because she’s too embarrassed to ask for someone to clean it because she knew it would get someone out the room. That’s just ludicrous.

Time was lost as she showered  her head was cleared. There was nothing bothering her. Her shoulders doesn't feel as heavy as if sole of her burdens disappeared. It almost felt like she was a new person. Vi tried to remember what the hell happened last night. Why was there a shirtless Sean in her bed? It may have been one of the most peaceful sleep she's had in a long time. If it was for Crystal she probably would have been in bed all day and not wake up whenever Sean decided to get up and leave. 

Small images began to play in her head as if they were gifs. There was cake. Wine. Sean at the door. Did he carry her? She doesn't know. Then the image of them embracing popped up. It seemed really. Thinking about it made her body heat up as if they were hugging right now and she was soaking everything in… yet she doesn't believe it happened. It could be been a dream, right?

after putting on some leggings and an over sized shirt she was ready to slip on her crocs and leave. That was until Axel was at her door with coffee.

“Hey, what happened last night?”

“I’m afraid of heights but you didn’t care. Thanks for the coffee though.” She says grabbing the coffee and squeezing past him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I begged you not to make me go and you didn’t care. You smacked my ass” she stops to look at him. “Plus the new hickey on your neck means you had a fantastic night. You’re welcome.” She raised her coffee before walking off.

Reading right now isn’t working for her. Crystal had to get up and meet her in the hallway. Only to have her coffee stolen. What a terrible price to pay.

“Sorry, Axel found me. He’s kind of clingy.” She mumbles sitting on the floor resting her head on Crystal’s legs. Crystal began to run her hands through her hair. It was magical. “Can we order food?”

“No Vivian. We need a quick session so I can know what the hell happened last night.”

Vivian scrunches her nose. “Too. Loud.” She mumbles crawling away from Crystal. “I remember Sean was with his girlfriend. I somehow lost the rental. Chocolate cake and pink wine don’t mix… and apparently we shared a bed… now can we order?”

Crystal glares at her. She told Vivian wants Vi herself told her before smoking and apparently drinking sometime after they got disconnected. Crystal

“Now is the family getting back together? Because this baby needs godparents.”

“Technical we don’t have to be together to be his or her godparents.” Crystal didn’t like that answer. Therefor she tossed a pillow at her. Vi groans. “Sean do something. It’s too early. How are you alive? I feel like death…” Vivian curls up with the pillow that was now in the center of her keeping her together.

“This is why you’re not allowed to drink without me.”

“No one said to get pregnant and. It set up ground rules for the other. Now why am I here and not dying in my room alone? Especially if I’m not being fed…” Crystal growls. It made. Vi chuckle. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t want to take a trip to the ER.” She had to force herself to sit up. It was hard to remember when was the last time she drank that much. She rarely smokes and drink at the same time. This is the reason why. Vi looks at her shirt to realize it wasn’t her. It definitely didn’t smell like hers either. “I found your shirt.” Vi informs him taking it off. Thankfully she had a cami under it. But now she’s cold.

“Cousin you better start before I get her while she’s vulnerable”

The gang was back together. It warmed Sean's heart. Watching the two bicker made him chuckle. Something he hasn't done in a long time. Seeing Vi stare at him made his heart flutter. Sean's vision was still blurry, but he could barely make out his shirt on her. She realized shortly after, taking it off. Which startled Sean. Luckily she had something more than a bra under it. From what she said, most of the night was a blur to her. Thank God Sean did this often, or else he would probably feel like her. 

He tossed his shirt back to her and said, “Keep it. A little souvenir.”. Rubbing his temples, he said to Crystal, “If she doesn't want to be together I'm fine with that. I don't blame her, after all she went through after. We got a bit drunk and shared stuff. That's all.”

Crystal was shocked. He never shared his true feelings, even with her. Plus the sight of him being more physically affectionate confused her. When they were younger, he went out of his way to avoid physical contact. 

“There's no way that's all that happened, hell, you were shirtless in her bed! What kind of sharing was it?!” 

Crystal asked. 

Sean shook his head, smiling. His old smile. One with a lot less pain behind it. He replied, “Not the kind you're thinking about. She was a mess, so I asked what was up.” 

Looking to the table Crystal was nearby and saw his fully fleshed out suicide note. At the moment, he was no longer going to end his life. Luckily it was turned over.

Sean's heart sank as Crystal grabbed it and began to read it. Tears swelled up in her eyes as Sean looked like a child who was just caught doing something against the rules.

“I….I didn't know this…Why? Tonight? It's that bad?”

By this time she was wailing. Before Vi could get a good look at it, he snatched the paper from Crystal. Ripping part of it that just read, “I love and miss you Vi, hopefully my departure will take some weight off your shoulders." Sean quickly disposed of his part, which was the majority of it. The part that included what he was leaving the two. 

Crystal was throwing things at Sean, yelling. Sean just sighed and said, “I'm fine. I changed my mind.”

Crystal stated he needed professional help, and she would force him if she had to. Also stating she was furious that she didn't know any of this sooner. Sean had to convince her he wasn't planning on doing it, and whenever Vi asked they both responded with: “Don't worry about it.”

Even though Crystal was evidently worried.

Sean hugged her, trying to make her worry less. It somewhat worked. She still slapped him, though. Which had the force that made him lose balance and almost fall onto Vi. If he didn't shift his weight he would have crushed her. 

Scooching next to Vi, he said like a scared puppy, “Save me.”

Vi looks at the shirt he tosses back at her. He said to keep it as a souvenir. But that is something she’s not going to do. It smells like cigarettes. And that’s a small she does not enjoy. a souvenir. But that is something she’s not going to do for it smells like cigarettes. It's a small she does not enjoy. For now, she will light it back on because she is a tad cold. Plus it's comfortable.

The woman blinks a few times. Is this why Crystal told her to meet here? She's going to force them to get back together? Does he even feel the same way? She's hearing what he's saying but she needs clarification.

“For the record I didn't hate you, hate you. I just felt like I failed as a girlfriend…”

Vivian stayed out of it after that. Her heard began to ache trying to remember what was saidast night. Did she tell him she said his name in the middle of sex with the stalker ex? Or that she still has his old favorite t-shirt that wont fit him now. Therefore she can still keep it.

Vi hid inside his shirt for a bit until it got silent. Vi pokes her head. A small chuckles escapes her as she thought of turtles poking their heads out of their shells… Things took a turn while she was hiding in his shirt. Whenever she asked what was going on they told her not to worry. That only made it worse. Sean was not ripping the paper and Crystal is throwing things at him.

His words rang in her head. “I'm fine. I changed my mind.” It made her remember how he stared into traffic a few nights ago. How he popped pills to compose himself. The math seems to be mathing, but she hoping she's wrong. Sean wouldn't commit… just no.

Sean was now hugging his cousin while she was secretly crying. Crystal better spill the beans later or else she won't attend the family dinners.

A chuckle escapes her seeing Crystal actually making him stumble. She didn't even make him run his chest as if he a mosquito bit him. That hurts.

Vi didn't even flinch when he could have tumbled her. “Not until you tell me what was on that paper. You have years of abuse to…”

“Excuse you?”

“I mean love. You have abusive love to catch up on.” Crystal grabbed her slipper which was the only thing she could toss. Vi curses under her breath and hides behind Sean.

“You,” she says pointing to Sean, “tell security I'm on your list of visitors. I'm going to go for a drive and get us food. You two better talk. Kiss. Fuck. Kill each other. But amend what was once broken.”

“You should also take his credit card. He won't notice fifty bucks missing for food…” Vi suggests still hiding and whispers sorry.

“Good idea. I may even get some candy while I'm at it. Be nice.” she says sticking out her hand and waiting for her cousin's credit card. Vi did her best to push him. This was her saving him. It's only going to cost him a few dollars. Chump change.

Vi waited for Crystal to leave to go look for the bedroom. She jumps on the bed. “No fair. Why is your bee softer? Can we switch rooms?” she asks snuggling into a pillow. “And I'm good to neee to tell me what was on that note Zombie.” she sirs up still holding on the the pillow, “Friends don't keep secrets from each other. Now spill.”

Just like her to make matters worse. Crystal always pressed Sean, but never like this. Sadly, Vi got caught in the crossfire. Replying to Vi's comment, he said, 

“I know, we already- Oh you don't remember” 

Crystal shot Sean a mean look.

Once she seemed to calm down a bit, Vi offered his credit card to Crystal. Which didn't matter, as long as she kept it under $1,000. 

“Crystal. Sorry. Keep it under $500 and get whatever you need that you don't wanna buy yourself.” . He said before handing her a credit card. Obviously it was a black card, all the rich people had one.

Crystal looked like a child on Christmas and promptly left. Vi hopped towards his bed and commented about how theirs felt different. Then, she brought up the paper. 

Sean froze. Would he tell her the truth? The word friends rung throughout his head. He decided to change the subject. “Maybe later, but I wanna make sure you don't remember last night.” he said to her as he sat next to her on the bed. Moving her hair out of her eyes, he nodded at her answer and had a follow up question. “Wanna relive it? By the way, nothing bad happened…not like what Crystal thought.”

No matter what her answer was, Sean was determined to get drunk. Crystal would have his ass if when she got back he was drunk, but he cared not.

Luckily, he had some whiskey on top of the fridge. He grabbed it and got a cup of ice. Pouring himself a glass, he glanced over to Vi. The last thing she needed was alcohol. Circling the cup around, he sighed. “I'm gonna ask now before I get out of it and do something I regret, do you remember what you said? Before you went to sleep?" There still was a possibility she only said that because she was drunk and didn't truly feel that way. 

“I love you”

God, how he wanted to hear that again.

With no clear answer he just brushed it off. Sitting back down next to Vi, he said, “Don't worry yourself about the l-letter…it doesn't matter now. Plus I can tell you when the time comes.”.

The question was, when did the time come? Probably wouldn't. Sean didn't like putting his problems onto others, which is why he held on for so long. Getting it out refreshed him.  

Also he rarely stuttered. The only two other times was when he confessed to Vivian, and when he told what had happened with his father.

Now that he had a bit of whiskey in him, he began to roll a blunt. At this point, he was considered quick with it. The job got done quickly and effectively.

Now he was cross-faded. Everything was moving. His head was rocking back and forth as he whispered, “Please.” he didn't even realize he was saying anything. Maybe he put too much weed in the joint. Or did the cookies Dante gave him before last night have something in them? Even though he was sitting, he became wobbly.

“fuuuuckkkk…haven't felt this good since I was dating Vi. Why am I such an idiot?” Getting up, he seemed to not realize she was there anymore. As he wobbled to his speaker he hummed to the beat of one of his newer songs. 

He didn't make it all the way without falling. As he fell, his head hit the corner of the island in the tiny kitchen. Blood started to drip from where it impacted him.

All he did was get up and laugh. Hysterically. It was a bit unnerving, really. After a few minutes of wobbling back and forth, he started the speaker. It played Robbery  by Juice WRLD. Other than rock, he was quite in to hip hop and rap. It was a side of him only he knew about.

He sang along.

"Now I'm drinking too much

So imma talk with a slur

Last time I saw you, ended in a blur

I woke up in a hearse

ONE THING MY DAD TOLD ME WAS NEVER LET YOUR WOMAN KNOW WHEN YOU'RE INSECURE~"  After that last line he emphasized on, he fell again. This time not getting back up. Even though he was still conscious. Sort of. Other than the music, it was silent. Sean adjusted to a fetal position as tears silently poured down his face.

What if she didn't love him anymore?

Was it only because she was drunk? It had to be. She didn't seem like she wanted to be back together. At least to him. 

Once Robbery ended, the speaker died. Sean's shaky breathing could be heard. By his face was a puddle of tears.

What felt like years worth of tears.

Sean looked hurt. His face slowly changed as if he didn't know what to say or do. He opted to change the subject. It made her believe in her suspicion. He wants to end himself.

“We can relive last night. As long as you tell me what the hell got Crysal worked up.” her eyes never broke his. Her body was close to leaning into his touch as he removed her hair from her eyes. It made her heart race like a silly little teenager.

There he goes again. He was fighting his demons already. A small sigh escapes her from disappointment. Truly, she doesn't remember much. Why is he being this way?

“Please don't tell me I cried because I didn't have burritos again…” Her eyebrows twitched with concern. Firstly it was rude of him to get himself a glass and not offer her any. Not that she would have accepted but still.

Her soul was being crushed seeing him like this. He didn't drink much yet here he is out of it. Please? She hesitated to touch him. She didn't need him to forget who she was and accidentally hit her. When he got up, she was halfway off the bed. This is some scary shit. She's only seen in a handful of during her brother's divorce.

“Zom… Sean this isn't okay…”

Then it happened. He fell hitting his head her heart shattered. There's no time to think. She had to stop the bleeding. She removed his shirt and ran to his side to use it to apply pressure on his head. He somehow got up. There was no point in trying to catch him because shell probe ly die trying but here she was still going to attempt to prevent him from hitting his head again. From the looks of it, he would have hit his head a little more to the left and it would have been his temple. This would've ended differently.

“Sean you need to sit down, please. You're scaring me. If this happened last night I'm so sorry…” yet she's happy she doesn't remember. This is something she doesn't wish to remember anyway.

It felt like a mini earthquake when he fell. He moved to change position. She heard his words. How he emphasizes one of the parts of the lyrics. He's insecure…

“Sean… I love you but this… you need help. I can't fix this. I can't help you if you don't want to get better for yourself…” at this point, she was crying. She drops down to her knees to add pressure to the cut on his head.

Vi sat there in silence. Praying Crystal doesn't blame her for this bullshit happening. There was a knock on the door. It was Soren checking in after hearing something fall. Vi shouted for him to get help. “Don't fall asleep in me Sean… for the record I told you, you would look good with longer hair. That nonsense of not liking it growing out was bullshit and you know it.” she was attempting to make things better. She doesn't know for whom but she's just going to talk until help gets here. “I see you finally got tattoos. Did they hurt?” her hands were shaking as she traced the neck tattoo. She then moves his ear to see a small star. “You need to go to rehab Sean. For yourself. For Crystal and her baby… for me. Who else would be crazy enough to play Mario Cart with me at four in the morning when I can't sleep?”

Crystal came back at the worst time. She saw the medics rushing to help Sean. Vi left to go shower again. The manager was hesitant to allow Crystal to stay. It took her crazy hormonal ass to prove she's family and she's not leaving him. Not again. Vi scrubbed her body until the touch of water hurt her. She puts on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top before heading back to see Crystal. Sean was in bed. Crystal went through his things. She gathered all the drugs and poured all the alcohol down the drain. They say in silence waiting for him to wake up. At some point, Crystal went to Vi’s room to nap. Vi crawled into his bed and curled up next time. In case she passes out, she'll wake up if he were to move.

He was losing consciousness. Fast. All he could think about was that there was no way getting drunk would have him this bad.

There was a sharp ringing. Make it stop…it hurts…He began to feel pressure on his head as he was fighting to stay conscious. Who was it? The voice sounded familiar but it scared him slightly.

His eyes closed. Somehow he was able to hold on to consciousness, but it was a losing battle. Last thing he heard before fainting was something about his hair.

Medics arrived. They got the bleeding to stop and mentioned how only divine intervention could explain how he was still alive. They took some blood to see what the fuck made him like that.

One of the EMTs saw the cookies in the trash can that read, To Sean. From Dante.

Speaking into his walkie-talkie, the man asked for some cops to come, to question this "Dante" guy. The cookies didn't smell right, so once he and his coworkers got the bleeding to stop and carried him to his bed, he told Vi “Whatever had him acting up wasn't his fault. I know it must have broken you, but alcohol doesn't do that. Some guy name  Dante provided him with laced cookies. ” The medical professional seemed to have no clue about the band, which was a blessing in disguise. 

He he and his team left once Sean was more stable. Taking the box of cookies with them to be tested.

The manager seemed indifferent to all of this. In his opinion, he just needed Sean to survive so they could keep making record profits. They departed with the medical team.

Sean's eyes eventually opened. Now, he saw Vi. He smiled. “You know, you seem real…” The drugs hadn't completely worn off. Once they did, he probably would forget everything anyways. “I wish I told you how pretty you are…” his body was still and there were long pauses between sentences."I'll manage, though. I messed up and left you for some stupid ass career that wasn't what I hoped." He was now making eye contact with her. At least he was able to do so now."Huh…guess if you are here I'm in big trouble…You don't need to see me like this…" He looked away. Blinking heavily, he continued, “Whatever, you wouldn't be in my room anyways…I can at least feel like you're here though…” he moved to hug her.

“I'm an asshole for leaving you. I'm so sorry about how it affected you. If I didn't have a fucked up brain, it would have never happened…Hey, at least you said the L word. Even if it wasn't true…No matter, I love you either way. I just want you to be happy. You always have deserved better than me, but I selfishly wanted you.” He made eye contact with her again, still wrapped around her. His heart still fluttered.

He kissed her softly and briefly. After, adjusting her hair behind her ear and saying,

“I don't know anymore if it's better for you if I'm dead or alive.”

He stopped holding her.

“You're the only person who's genuinely made me feel like something more than shit…It's my fault I couldn't realize that sooner…now you and Axel are dating…I'll allow it only if it's what you want, and it seems to be so.”

He stopped. Crystal could be seen getting rid of all of his drugs. She was blurry but he could make her out. Trying to get up, all he could manage was being able to sit up.

“Whatever…I'll buy more to drown it out. Feelings fucking suck.” 

Is what he claimed before closing his eyes.

The manager texted him the news. Their show was canceled. Refunds were issued and fans hoped for a speedy recovery. 

Vi couldn't stay asleep. Fear kept her up. He hit his head pretty hard. The fact his manager didn't want him to get his head scanned worried her. Then the medics told her about the cookies from Dante. How they were most likely laced. How low does one have to get to get revenge?

The last few months have been a shit show. Part of her was happy for this assignment only because it would keep her away from home. Her lease is up for another few months. With her stalker short-term Ex she didn't safe. This was a nice. It could have been better if Sean can stayed sober for more than four hours and not had Axel talk to her. But beggars can't be choosers.

At some point, she finally crashed. It only gave her nightmares. Sean moved oh so slightly waking her. Now she felt groggy. He was speaking. Is he just talking just because? Vi stayed still listening to him ramble.

Sean is hugging her. Her heart wanted to burst with joy. Her fingertips briefly touched his chin as response. Did he just say she said the L word? At this point, she thinks he is sleep-talking. He barely could keep his eyes open and when they were open he was looking at her.

Fuck him for giving her the software and quickest kiss. It felt like she got kissed by a ghost. That's how soft it was. She is going to have to be blunt with this fucker. What makes him think she's with Axel? He is an ass. He was nice at first but he became self-centered. No thank. Plus she has Sean back, sort of.

Vi waited for him to pass out again. Crystal came back with more takeout. They say on the living room watch Home Alone. Crystal was trying to make plans for Sean. He fan stay with her but Vi reminded her he was famous and her house would be stalked and possibly burglarized. Crystal doesn't want him living alone so she suggested that she, Vivian, moves in with him. They can work on them, keep each other safe, and just be there for one another. Vi laughs. He won't ever agree to that. Then Crystal got more personal asking if she ever saw a future with him. Vi was silent for a while. Her answer was yes. How she imagined their wedding to be black and purple. Have it be not so traditional. Then go to Disney Land for their honeymoon because why not? Crystal laughs. Crystal suggested more of a dark berry color instead of purple, but she liked it.

Vi gets up to go check on Sean. She gently places a hand on his forehead and chest. He was starting to get warm and he's still breathing. She can't a hand through his head to push it back to remove the gauze to clean his head wound. They did an okay job patching it up but it looked terrible. “Next time you want to get hurt just let me know and I'll hit you you a baseball bat…” she whispers jokingly.

“Is he still breathing?” Crystal shouts as she heads to the bathroom.

“Yup.” she replies watching him, “You better wake up before we eat all the food and she years your credit card to buy more. We may even get a big house because Crystal wants to keep an eye on everyone and she’ll have free babysitters… now wake up before we become roommates. Then there's no more escaping us. I've also grown to enjoy arlic more than I should. ..” hearing Crystal finishing using the bathroom she left Sean alone to rejoin his pregnant cousin who is now asking for a foot rub…

Sean had no clue how long he was out. He kept hearing a loud ringing, because of his head injury. Sitting up, he saw Vi and Crystal next to each other. At least they still got along. 

Sean could barely walk. Stumbling pver to them, he faked a smile and said, “Sorry about that. Now the show got canceled…” No matter how shitty he felt, he would find a way to convince himself he could still do it. Rubbing the side of his head, he sighed and sat on the floor in between Crystal and Vi.

“Never do that again. You need rehab. Badly.” Crystal told him once he sat down. Sean just groaned and claimed it was the cookies probably and that he'd be fine if he kept getting high.

Crystal strongly disagreed and stated, “You scared Vi half to death because of your episode. You're not fine. Stop bottling it up. Fuck what people think.”

Letting out a sigh, he apologized to Vi for being such an asshole and fuck-up. Now that he was more there mentally, he didn't remember what he said to her.

He didn't remember that he expressed his love for her once more. Nor did he remember her being there for him. Losing himself in the movie, he began to not hear what was being said to him. His head stung quite badly, and the ringing made it hard to hear much of anything.

Most of what happened right before was a blur to him as well. Crystal could keep his card and he wouldn't know of it.

Something he normally was worried about when he had no business being THAT worried about it.

Grabbing his phone, the letters and words were blurry. Barely managing to not lock himself out, he began to look st his emails.

Something from the company. Stating that he would have a mandatory three month break. All he did in reaction was give Crystal his phone. 

“Good, you can fix up your act. Also you still have missed call notis from me. Ass.” Crystal said while showing Vi the email. 

Sean shook his head, and rested it on the space in between Crystal and Vi. No matter how long he was out for, he would be tired nonetheless. Right now was one of those moments.

Sean sighed and said, “I blacked out…I don't know what I did, but if I hurt any of you I'm deeply sorry.”

One thing he was eating a cookie, the next he was waking up with Vi and Crystal in his room.

Something other than his head felt off. What happened to make Crystal come here? Was his episode that bad??

These thoughts ran through his head as Crystal asked him what he wanted to eat.

Come to think of it, he was very hungry. Last time he ate really was at the taco stand.

Which is why he didn't vomit or anything. There was nothing to come up. Before he could answer, a plate of food was handed to him. Taking it and thanking her, he slowly began to eat.

By now the movie was far over. Sean was on the floor eating, and Crystal was on the couch talking about who-knows-what. It probably had something to do with Sean, but he couldn't really hear her. As Crystal still had his phone, a text came through. From his manager. Dante was being locked up for the cookie stunt he pulled. Sean didn't really care, and was just glad that someone was there for him right now. Being Crystal and Vi.

Once he was done with his plate, he set it by his legs. He had no strength to get up. Most of it was used to be by Crystal but more importantly Vi. All he did was tap his head with a tiny bit of force, and the ringing was much quieter now.  

Oh, he is fake smiling. He's not okay. Crystal doesn't seem to notice. She's just happy he's up. Moving. “Welp, there goes my assignment,” Vi muttered smiling. She is over being a journalist. It's too demanding and Carlos pisses her off.

Look at Crystal being a mama bear. Put him in his spot. Next time he scares her this bad she's going to punch him in the face. Conscious or not.

“You have all the time in the world to make it up to me.” Vi shifted so her legs weren't by his head. Now she was lying on her side, head prompt up. Her free hand ran through his hair.

Crystal didn't let go of the idea of getting a mansion for them to live in. Vi wants to have it. It means extra rooms to clean. With Crystal, her fiance, and herself, they can't afford it. What if Sean was to abandon them again? Plus they shouldn't be using him like that.

Whatever he showed her made Crystal so damn happy that she was ugly crying. Vi takes the phone to read the email. “I agree. You need to get help. Control your demons.” Vi says handing the phone back to Crystal.

Crystal made sure he ate and was still conscious. At some point, Vi stopped playing with his hair. She was more than ready to have another nap. Before she even dozed off Crystal jumped off the couch. Shouting how Dante is going to jail. Now this she can write. Save her job.

Crystal left to go buy some sparkling juice to celebrate. Leaving them alone. Again. Vi got to clean the kitchen and toss out his plate.

“Sean… we need to talk.” she blurred out. What she did next was to keep him focused. She straddles him and grips his shirt. “I will start by saying I think you need to get your head checked. You hit that counter pretty hard. I'm surprised it's not cracked…” She couldn't look at this for this next part, “I am not happy with you… are things so bad that you really want to end it all? That would hurt us more. Not save us… we love you. I love. I still love you even though you're freakishly tall now and I can't push you around anymore.” she could feel the tears stinging her eyes. What else can she say? At the moment, it felt like her heart was ready to escape. There's a knot in her throat. Can her words even get through to him? He's been hurting for a while. “And that was a weak ass kiss by the way.” she quietly mumbles with a soft chuckle. Vi allowed her hair to drop and cover her face. She released his shirt to wipe her tears away.

Sean nodded in agreement to getting his head checked. The ringing shouldn't have still been happening.

Then she mentioned his plan to end it all.

The only thing keeping him focused, was her grab. His head had room for one thought, 'She still loves me…?'

Once she was finished with her piece, Sean replied. “I thought that's what you'd prefer…You wouldn't have to see me anymore. I was under the impression you still hated my guts. Crystal is strong, and got over much worse. I was selfish.”

He sighed, and tried his best to focus on her. Even if that meant holding her free hand and slightly squeezing.

“You deserve so much better than me. I've fucked up too many times to count. If you think I'll be able to make you happy, I'm all for it...I love you more than anything else in this world. Shit, you're the only thing that matters to me. You're perfect, and I'm far from it. Here's to make up for the weak ass kiss…that I don't remember…"  He said before adjusting her hair and kissing her. This time he stayed for much longer. He felt hot. It felt like his heart was about to explode. Is this real love? He thought to himself. Holding her close, he wished they could be forever. Hell, if she still loves him he'll do his best to make that happen.

Her lips were soft. She smelled like fresh strawberries. It felt like she tasted that way too. He thought he got the cigarette smell and such off of him, but he began to become self conscious on if she minded it.

He slowly pulled away. Sean knew he was blushing, but it was a lot worse than he thought. His face was a bright pink. Letting go of her hand, he apologized. “Sorry…too soon?”

Crystal still had his phone and credit card, so she texted Vi instead. Traffic was messy because the show got canceled. She wouldn't be back for at least 30 minutes.She texted Vi,

 No matter what you think, he needs you. I've never seen him this messed up. I'll be back in 30. Traffic sucks.  

Vi sobbed heartbreakingly, her tears of sadness falling like a shower as she sobbed. It can't be helped. Vi never felt more alive and satisfied than when she fell in love with him. Keeping that in mins, his depressive words felt like stings and pricks bruising her heart. Everything wanted to shut down. It’s like losing a connection in your mind that you’ve relied on a lot emotionally. He is selfish to think like that.

Her head shot up hearing him. He still loves her. More than anything. Great now she's going to ugly cry.

That was until he lowered his lips to hers and caressed her mouth in a lingering kiss. This was better than their first kiss, walking home after a double date, and they kissed under a street light on a side street. This sent chills throughout her entire body. It feels like the world dropped away. To make it better he didn't smell like cigarettes! A moan was ready to escape her most as he pulled away.

Sean’s face was definitely colored. Vi had to bite the inside of her cheeks not to laugh. “More like overdue.” it was tempting to kiss him again. She always hates to admit that he's also gotten extremely better at kissing...

Vi got off him hearing her phone chime. Crystal is stuck in traffic and here she is trying to encourage her to do something. They already kissed. What else does she want?

“Crystal is stuck in traffic.” after informing him of her whereabouts she simply replied ‘K’ which she will hear about it later.

Vi gasoed remembering another vital thing they need to discuss. She straddles him and was so closet to hitting his head. She opted for his chest. “You think Axel and I are dating? You were obviously on something because ew.” She wasn't going to let him respond. Instead, she leans forward to kiss him. “I'm also going to need you to promise me not hide yourself when you're in pain. Its unfair that we laugh together but you cry and hurt alon….” Vi tells him ending the kiss and treating her forehead against his. “You can walk away and say I need better. I don't want better. I want you Sean Emmerson.” she pulls away to look at him. To let him know she's serious. She may be small but she will find a way to hurt him if he doesn't listen to her. Perhaps she’ll have Crystal do it. Pregnant Crystal is scary. “We have about twenty-ish minutes before she gets here. What would you like to do? Going to the hospital now is a no go because of traffic.”

Sean wasn't sure if he was happy or not with Crystal being gone longer than intended. They could at least catch up.

She punched his chest after claiming she had no love for Axel. Before he could respond, she kissed him. Thoughts of their first few dates ran through his mind. At the time, he thought of her as another distraction. Yet he got too attached anyways. 

It didn't matter. He wanted her. Just to hang out, even if they weren't doing anything. Just to be together. 

She expressed to him that he wasn't alone. Biting his lip, he was holding back tears. The first time he heard those words. He pulled her close and brought her into his embrace. If she truly wanted him, he'd give her his all. Wiping his eyes, he sighed kissed her forehead.

“We have to make up for lost time…If you want to be with me, I'll be with you. I just want you happy.”

Once the question was asked of what he wanted to do, he blurted out, “Just want to be with you. That's enough for me."

This was better than any drug he could have taken. After all, it was just to distract him from his pain. Which eventually piled up so much he was about to burst. Earlier that weekend wasn't the first time he felt so miserable, but this moment was the first time he could say he was truly happy. All he wanted was to be close to her. To get the physical attention he wanted.

He was fed up of the fake stuff. Vi could give him something real, and it made him feel so damn good.

He let go of her and smiled. A genuine smile. “If you want to actually do something and not be lazy with me, feel free. I have no strength to get up right now.” Now that he realized it, his arms felt like boulders while his legs were completely asleep and numb. The only thing he could bring himself to do was show the affection he never did in the past to Vi.

He yawned. Now he finally felt at peace. In his mind at least, they were back together. Even though nothing concrete was spoken about their future together.

Looking to Vi, he said, “What's your secret? How do you always so damn good.” as he tapped her nose. She looked like a goddess in his eyes. It made him question why he even thought Katya was pretty. Moving her hair out of her face, he smiled at her. Physically, he may have felt like absolute poop but this was the best emotionally he's ever been. It was evident. You could see it in his eyes.

All he was focusing on was her. It's the only thing of importance and beauty in the room. Beginning to play with her hair, he hummed a happy tune. He muttered the lyrics to a song. Something about how he'll always care. He fought the urge to doze off. Real sleep is what he needed, not a drug induced coma. Her hair was smooth like silk, and smelt quite nice. After a few minutes of silence, he broke it by saying, “We're together again…right?”.The only answer he wanted to hear was yes. Otherwise, he'd know to distance himself from her. If she did say no, he'd be quite betrayed. I guess that's a way of payback.

“We have to make up for lost time…If you want to be with me, I'll be with you. I just want you happy.”How thick is his skull? Does he need a new tattoo to remind him every day that she wants him?

It was hard to read him. Yet she felt kike he was questioning everything. He's probably still loopy and dealing with a concussion. She’ll let it slide.

Vi didn't mind doing anything with him. He doesn't look well enough to do what she had in mind. They can save that idea for another time. “We can sit here and watch whatever is playing on the TV. Plus you do look like a zombie, zombie.” Vi gave him an Eskimo kiss before getting off him to get back on the couch.

Vi blushes when he boops her nose. “A magician never reveals their secrets. Jealous?” she replies wiggling her eyebrows.

She was barely on the couch for more than five minutes when she began to feel lonely. Vi crawls down to sit next to him. Her head rested on his arm like she did before. He sounded happy with whatever it was he was humming. She got into the Jurassic Park movie. Vi slowly unglued her eyes from the TV hearing his question. “No…” she shifts so she was on her knees and cup his face. “Stop. I was kidding. Tell that demon of tours to get off the hamster wheel. I loved you then and I love you know. Yes we’re back together. As long as you're happy with that… and you need to protect me from She-Hulk… if she finds out before she leaves.” she gives him a kiss that ends abruptly with a knock on the door. Soren and Axel both announce their presence and want to talk about what the hell went down.

“Go handle that. I'll be in my room until Crystal comes.”

Axel gave her a look seeing her open the door. She excused herself. Soren was laughing. He said out loud how Sean best Axel to fucking the reporter. Axel corrected him by saying, journalist. Axel demanded answered. What happened between him and Dante? What about the band? How the fuck did he manage to bag Vi? She's so stubborn and feisty. He even asked what about Katya who is also trying to reach him but a female kept answering the calls and cursing her out.

His kiss with Vi came to a halt as his bandmates knocked on his door. At least Sean would know where to find her. They wanted an explanation. Once Vi left and the two walked in, Axel bombarded him with questions.

Yawning once more, he decided to go along with their wishes. Somewhat. 

“Dante gave me some laced cookies as payback for the ass beating I gave him the other day. EMTs came and took them along with him…everything's fuzzy.”

Soren replied that Sean did look like shit, so he believes it. Axel wanted more though.

“Doesn't explain how you fucked the journalist before I could. What if she's the one that drugged you? More importantly, what about us though?"

Sean shook his head and shrugged. “Easy answer to the first one is that we just click well. Easy answer to the second one is that we'll either need a new drummer, or we'll go our separate ways.” He ignored that he claimed they slept together, even if they did he wouldn't have remembered. 

Soren began to pace while Axel asked the last pressing question. “Katya was trying to reach you, but some angry chick keeps answering and cursing her out. Is she your other plaything?"

Sean stated that his cousin was visiting, and it was his cousin who was answering. Her pregnant cousin with the fury that would even scare gods. Sean also realized that they knew him to use girls whenever. Which was far from the real him. Only girl he hooked up with since Vi was Katya. That was over now…he was happy now. 

Axel sighed and plopped on the couch. He seemed to be bummed about the band.

Soren now spoke, “Now isn't the time to be sleeping with hot journalists. We need a new drummer. After everything we've done, it seems stupid to end now.”

Sean chuckled.

“You'll need a new main singer and guitarist too. The label is making me take a break. I have no intention of renewing my contract with them.”

Axel and Soren gasped. They knew he wasn't having the fun they were, but enough to not renew his contract?

Axel got up, enraged and left.

Soren sighed and followed. They knew they wouldn't be able to change his mind. Maybe that's what Vi and him had in common. The entire time, he was on the couch. He had no way to tell Vi they were gone.

Using the chair as support, he walked to the door. Without him having a hand on the wall, it was evident he would fall. 

Painfully making his way to Vi's room, he knocked on the door. Once it opened, he fell to the floor. His stupid ass was using it so he wouldn't fall. Getting back up he said, “Sorry. Crystal has my phone.” he kept walking as best he could, to her bed. Once he got there he said, “Less interruptions here.”Soon after, Crystal barged in. With a bit more than the drink she set out for.

“By the way Sean, I took care of that slut for you.” Crystal said, before she shot a ‘Is he alright’ signal at Vi. Sean did nothing in response but say ‘Thanks.’

Katya was irrelevant now. Vi was back in his life and here to stay. Of course, his RAD would try to convince him otherwise. 

Vivian was in bed scrolling through social media. His fans aren't happy. Word got out about Dante’s arrest. There were three missed calls from her boss and a dozen emails. Her deal was to do damage control on the band. There's no such thing when the word for out about Danet’s arrest.

There she was making her first draft about the band. Her boss would kill her of she wrote everything into one article. Her first piece is about Dante. What she experienced with him. She'll add why Dante got arrested. Soren and Acel will have a shared article. Then Sean will have his own piece. Her creative juice was flowing until he came to a halt hearing a knock on her soor. “Coming.” she shouts

Sean falls inside as the door opened. “You could have stayed. Crystal he a spare key to your room and I have your key.” she informs him pulling his room key out of her pocket. She smiled widely at him. Poor guy looked like he was close to death attempting to get to her bed. Vi sent his cousin a message to let her know they are in her room. It didn't take long for Crystal to show up. Is it weird to feel bad for his now ex-fling?

Her eyes met Crystal’s. All she did nod. He's okay. Even though he needs his head to be checked out still. Crystal got them tacos and birria ramen. Oh how excited she was for that!

Crystal pulls Vi to the side wanting an update. “Sean, your cousin wants an update.” Vi says walks backwards towards the bed. Crystal slowly followed. “I also don't need your approval for the articles I need to submit but you've been through enough so if you feel like I need to change anything let me know. Just know I didn't add anything about us but what's her name is in it.” she told him entering her password to her laptop and showing him the articles. Crystal was invested and wanted to be mentioned. Even if it means telling the world she bullies her not-so-little tall cousin around. Vi waited, pacing in front of the bed. She spoke from the heart and wrote down everything she learned. She needs to send the articles by the end of the day.

“Also, I'm need to get out the room by two. So we, Crystal and I stay with you or Crystal and I can rent an Air BnB close b”

He watched her work. Despite it not being her dream, she seemed like a natural at it.

Pressing his hand against the gauze pads, he told Crystal he was okay. In fact better than he was before. She gave him a side eye as Vi went over the article with him.

“It's pretty good. Just please don't portray Katya in such a negative light. She asked specifically not to be in the spotlight…Surpiringly.”

Even though he had no feelings for Katya, he'd still respect her wishes. Sean let Vi do her thing, and talked to Crystal in the makeshift kitchen that hotels have.

He informed her of all that had happened to him these past few years, and how bad he had handled it.

Slowly eating throughout the conversation, Crystal scolded him for being so selfish. She was right. If he had gone through with his plan, it would have done more damage than repair. He wasn't thinking right.

Once Vi finished working, she stated that she needed to check out of her room around 2. They could just stay with him. He'd probably need the help. Only if Vi helps, though. Not Crystal. He was used to being independent his whole life and it made him uncomfortable when he was dependent on others. No matter who it was.

"Don't spend money. Unless if you want away from me, you can stay with me. Otherwise I'm paying for whatever you two decide."

Crystal squealed and began to ponder if they could rent a mansion. Then she brought up the “one big house for all of us.” He chuckled and said “I have a mansion that would fit all of us as is…but it's in Orlando.” but the problem is it was in a different state.

Vi would probably have to change jobs, so would Crystal's fiancé. Even though Sean could easily provide for them, but in his mind they'd want their own money.

“I could probably get one around here, near a lake…I'd have to make some calls though.”

Crystal gave him back his phone, but kept the credit card. Sean got to work. The ringing got a bit louder, and he said, “I do need to get checked…the ringing hasn't stopped yet.”

Crystal seemed worried now again.

Vivian isn't normally a jealous type. Then again he's famous now and had sexual relations with this woman so it was natural for her to feel a type of way for him to protect her. Fuck her wishes. That hoe grilled her every time they saw each other. Vi could ruin her!

Her new demon is an insecure demon. Can she keep him happy? Not get jealous when he's holding someone else's bra or panty because fans are being pervy… fuck. Now this is something she needs to get used to.

She won't allow this demon to take over. It can't ruin what's now fixed. Vi changed her article to keep Katya anonymous.

All three drafts were sent. She listened to Sean and Crystal talk as she slowly ate finalizing the articles before submitting them.

Vi’s iPhone was synced to her Mac. Crystal was texting her the entire time. She has several missed calls and I read messages from Carlos. Vi looked up to catch Crystal watching her. A quick tap on her keyboard and she finally answered Crystal. Yes, things are okay and yes they're exclusive again.

“Not sure how you assume I want to be away from you. Unless you're the one who needs space I can just get a room at the motel near the taco truck. Limited taco supplies as long as I pay for them.” she says wiggling her eyebrows.

Vi rested her chin on the palm of her hand. They started talking about talking a out moving to be near each other. Sean said he has a place in Orlando. Orlando is nice. A lot of opportunities there. She can up and leave. Crystal on the other hand… she will most likely… yup, refuse.

“You don't have to accommodate us, Sean. This is your life. If you wish to go back home I'll be happy to leave. I just need to find a way to break my lease early.”

“Girl, hush.” Crystal raises a finger to her lips telling her to shush.

“So you'll be sharing a bed with him?”

“I mean I can…” Crystal squinted her eyes, “Not like that you little nasty.”

“Don’t act so innocent. Getting pregnant before marriage is a sin.”

Crystal got up so fast. Vi fell off the chair to run for her life. “Think of the baby! You're going to have an angry baby if you don't calm down.” Crystal caught her and began to tickle her. Vi hates being tickled. It was w challenge not to hit Crystal as she was dying from the lack of air in her lungs from laughing so hard.

The request seemed to make Vi slightly uncomfortable. He rubbered her shoulder, a way to silently tell her to not worry.

He smirked and replied to her first comment, “I've been away from you too long, like hell I want you away from me.”

Then they began to talk about his proposal of moving in with him. Their bickering reminded him of when they first became friends. Instead of showing her off to his parents, he showed Crystal. His dad would probably be drunk somewhere, and it was something that constantly embarrassed Sean. All the way until his father's death. They quickly got along throughout the day and kept in touch with each other until now. Smiling, he saw Vi get up and run. Crystal was chasing her. His senses heightened, would Crystal hurt her? Sean had no clue. She didn't have a problem hurting him…but Vi?? With the adrenaline rushing, he followed them into the other room. Crystal was tickling her…it was okay…Sean lost his balance once the adrenaline wore off and laughed. “Scared the shit out of me.” he said, hand on his heart.

Once Crystal stopped dishing out her weird punishment, Sean said to Vi, “I would love for you to live with me…I could take care of us…Crystal, if you can't that's fine. My doors are always open in case you need it. It's the least I can do…after everything.” he trailed off. Crystal understood what he meant. When he was around fourteen, his father got even more abusive. It was the day his father shot himself. He had to thank her for that more than anything. In a panic, he used the landline to call her. She got there to the sight of Sean with the gun pointed at his chin. If she didn't stop him then, he would have never met Vi. The justification for it back then, was that he didn't want to spend life rotting in jail. Also, that he was meant to be alone, and couldn't stand it. 

Sean's eyes did most of the talking. Crystal understood and tried not to cry. “Stop making me so damn emotional.”

Sean continued, “Seriously, tell me if you need anything. Same goes for you c- Vi.” He stopped himself from calling her by the nickn ame he gave her a while back. It was immature. Cupcake…really? Plus, it was probably too soon to dive straight back in so hard. Crystal would never let him live that down if she knew, either.

Looking to Vi, Sean smiled. The hope was that she'd move in with him, or he could get a house that fits her needs. Maybe even get married, just to seal the deal. He got lost in her chestnut-colored eyes…they reminded him of gems. How they glistened in the light. Now the ringing started back up, and he realized he was staring. He was the luckiest man alive to have her, and he hoped he realized that.

An itch came. ‘Shit’ he thought to himself. His body needed to be under something at this point, or he'd go crazy. Crystal got rid of almost everything. They were in Vi's room…he had a feeling he left something here…Getting up, he stumbled around. “I'm looking for something. Drugs became so much of a problem; I need a little just to get by now…Sorry.”