What the fuck is wrong with me? How did all this..? When did everything begin to lose its color? And how long will it stay that way before everything turns red?

I wanted to be something but fuck if I could remember what it was. James looked up, staring at the ceiling light that had one bulb out. It left one side of the room in a shadow, the side he chose to stand on. Fluorescents always tended to make his eyes hurt anyway. 

The dark eyes moved down to the red cup in his hand. Another failed attempt to make the right decision poured as a rich copper liquid he knew his senses were weak to. He shouldn’t lie to himself. It didn’t take much to convince him to have a drink, then another and hell, why not one more for the road? His friend Kent always seemed to know where the next party was at. Where the next fraternity was secretly meeting. Where the next free liquor would be poured and the women could take their tops off. Like his thoughts, his life was a blur. A series of colors and shapes. What was the point? Would anyone miss him? 

“James.” 

He looked up, analyzing Kent’s face and trying to remember whose house this was. “Hey man, it’s still early in the night. Can’t be clocking out on me yet.” 

James wasn’t anywhere close to being drunk- at least not enough. So he smiled, letting his friend know that he was unfortunately still here and waiting for something to happen. “I’m solid. Haven’t had a chance to talk to any of these fucking interesting people here.” 

Kent laughed, a sound he wished he heard when he was alone in his dorm room. “Great. I’ll get you a refill and we can scope the backyard.” 

The music was louder in the back. Some rich asshole with a pool decided it was a good idea to trash his parents place for the weekend- not like it was his first time in the better side of town. At these parties the drinks were richer, the people were hotter and sometimes someone was smart enough to bring a fun party favor and those lucky enough were allowed to share. 

James and Kent knocked cups before stepping outside. It wasn’t quite warm enough for a swim but that didn’t stop the drunk idiots from jumping in anyway. Kent waved at someone he knew so James took the opportunity to be a wallflower again, standing back against the side of the house. 

That’s when he saw her. A brunette with the liveliest smile he’d seen in quite some time. He thought people didn’t smile like that anymore. Everyone was fake, trying to play a part- put on a face they wanted everyone to see. This smile read differently... or he was just a little bit tipsy and writing mental poetry as he sometimes did. 

James played a game with himself and tried to guess her name. Jessica, Katrina. Maybe Tracie. He must have been staring too obviously because eventually she looked up and her eyes met his. He wondered what he looked like to her. Poor college kid mooching at a party he didn’t belong at staring at a beautiful girl like a fucking creep. Then she stood up and James wondered if she could hear his thoughts. I want to know your name, he asked her as she began to walk over. Then I could think of some clever pick up line. 

The music was great, the company was middling. Ella grinned to the woman she was talking to, some sort of gossip about who was dating who and who got totally drunk of their ass last weekend. It was the same old, same old. It was always that way lately and nothing excited ever really happened. The same faces always melting into existence and out of it. Ella hated the tedium of it all, she leaned back in the chair and looked over. That was a new face, new eyes watching her from the side of the house. She hadn't seen him before and her curiosity was immediately sparked. He wasn't joining in the goons thrashing around in the pool, he didn't even look that drunk in truth. What a refreshing change. 

She watched as her friend was tugged away by some well dressed guy for either a dance or dip in the pool, she didn't pay much attention and she looked over to the man. He was still staring and she didn't need much more of an opener than that. She got her feet and made her way over, carrying her drink in her hand.
“You make a habit of staring down other people?” She asked him with a grin. Who did he know here? She hadn't seen him before. She adored a new face, and his wasn't bad to look at either. It was refreshing, to say the least. Ella smiled at him, 
“Ella Drew, professional party crasher.” She introduced herself. Her birth name was Eliza, but no one ever called her that, it was far too formal. Even her parents had settled for Ella when she was younger, only opting for her full name when she was in trouble. 

Ella turned to eye the party-goers and she took a drink. 
“I've been to livlier places.” She remarked, trying to drum up conversation with this mystery man before he was swamped by drunk party girls and drowning in their oestrogen. She drained her drink and she certainly knew how to pack the drink away, a nice glaze to her eyes betraying she was tipsy at best, not quite drunk. 


“So, I haven't seen you around here before, new or something?” Ella also wasn't the most observant person so it was entirely possible he had slipped under her radar but she had a feeling she would have remembered those daydreamer eyes of his. 
 

She graced him with a smile and for all his guessing, he was way off the mark. Ella. Ella Drew, definitely a party girl by the way she dressed. He wondered briefly if all she owned was low cut tops. 

“James,” he said, swallowing down his liquor. “Tremont. I’m actually going to college off of Main Street. I... came with Kent,” he gestured across the way. “Not sure if you know him but I’m always the third wheel so to speak.” Never the guy anyone ever knew.

Despite his lack of energy to do so, James smiled, trying his best to drum up something clever to say to a girl he probably was only going to see once. He watched her drain her cup and thought that was the best way to lead to another loose conversation. So he finished his cup, the liquid burning all the way down his throat. 

“Allow me to get you another,” he said, bravely taking the cup from her hand. “Don’t go anywhere.” He passed her a charming smile before stepping back into the house to pour something that wouldn’t have him teetering before the evening was over. This time he chose a couple beers and wondered if the mystery woman, Ella, was from a prestigious school or with his luck, dating the fucker who owned this house. 

James returned and was glad to find the brunette exactly where he left her. He held out the bottle before catching himself. “Oh, look.” He took a chug from her beer before handing it over. “Nothing in it, I promise.” Not that he could afford that shit. 

James took a long drink of his own. “And I agree with you, not the liveliest at all. I think the ‘out in the middle of nowhere’ parties are the best.” He gestured to her casually. “So tell me about yourself. Where are you from? And are you always crashing parties instead of enjoying them? Seems kind of contradictory when you look so nice.” 

Smooth. 

Ella eyed over the man, somewhat bemused by his demeanour. She smiled softly, James Tremont, it sounded like a fancy name and Ella was further intrigued by him. There was a lot to be said about a name, she supposed. She watched him go and raised an eyebrow, she wasn't going anywhere, especially if there was a drink involved. She was careful though but James seemed to get the hint before she even said anything as he returned and took a chug from her drink to show he hadn't spiked it. Ella figured there was a caution to be had, especially at parties like this. All it took was a small pill and she'd be living a life of regret. 

Out of the blue parties, those were the best, the thrill of not knowing what was going to happen or who was going to turn up. 
“That was smooth.” She noted over her cup when he gave a compliment and she was actually impressed. She played it cool though, suave as she could be. She took a drink, a token that she trusted this newest stranger in her life. 

“I live uptown, over on the northside, not a bad area but it's so dull.” A bunch of stuffy people so far up their own asses it hurt to be around them. Nothing exciting or thrilling happened, and Ella was usually in trouble for stirring something up just to feel some form of excitement or she was drinking to try and drone them out into background noise. It had been better since she had moved into her apartment. 

“And yes, I do crash parties. Good thing I did too, wouldn't have managed to get some good conversation, a compliment and a drink from a tall, dark and handsome stranger.” It was unclear if she was simply toying with him but there was a hint of mirth in her eyes. 

“What about you?”

 

James listened as she described the part of town she hailed from, an area he personally wished he lived in as cheap as the dorms were. His space was small and oftentimes felt claustrophobic. Ella obviously didn’t like it. That kind of lifestyle was ‘dull’ in her opinion and he envied that. 

He smiled at her compliment, drinking a portion of his drink to hide his slight embarrassment. Dark and handsome. Right. If only she knew him. But how good of a person was she to focus on ‘party crashing’ as her main focus in life. Maybe she wasn’t trying to go to school like he was. Maybe she was just existing for the excitement of the young life.

“Like I said, I’m the third wheel. No one usually finds the wallflower interesting.” James glanced around the pool yard then back to her dark eyes. “You said this party wasn’t ‘lively’ enough. Did you want to get out of here to somewhere with a little beat? I can buy us a cab unless you have a car. I carpooled with Kent.” He couldn’t take money with him anyway. 

“That’s if you don’t have a boyfriend waiting for you somewhere...” He hoped when Ella approached him it indicated that she was single. So was he and he wanted it to stay that way. But if life was destined to be short, he might as well live it up while he still could.

“Well, usually you would be right.” Ella said to him when he mentioned the wallflower thing and she smirked a little, “But when everyone else is acting like rabid animals, sometimes the quieter ones are much more fun.” She elaborated on her sentiment and grinned at him. Ella swirled the small remainder of the drink in her hands as she watched him, maybe going elsewhere wasn't a bad idea and he certainly seemed adventurous. Her type. 

“Hm? Oh, don't worry, no boyfriend. I wouldn't make a habit of speaking to the mysterious men at parties if I did.” Relationships always tended to bring a myriad of issues and problems and unwarranted stress for her. There was always an issue with picking the bad boys, and Ella knew it all too well. Still, most others were dull. She liked the excitement, she lived for it and the unpredictability of what might come to be. 

“Sure, you get the cab and I''ll get the next round of drinks.” She said to him, “What about that club in town?” She suggested, she was sure it wouldn't be a bad night and maybe she could coax him into spending the night. There were perks to having well-off parents that travelled all the time. A paid for apartment in a decent enough area and whatever she needed to make ends meet. It did get boring though, hence the party crashing and drinking. 

Ella spared a wave to her friend who was attached to some well-dressed guy, evidently she had made her decision for the night, however unwise. Her friend giggled and winked before waving her off and going back to attacking her fancy man with her mouth. Ella gestured towards the front of the house and waited for the cab, at least it was quieter out here and she could get a better look at James. Easy on the eyes, taller than her by a head and a thoughtful expression that left her guessing what his story was. He was intriguing and she grinned at him. 
“You ever been to the clubs in town, James?” 

“Hm? Oh, don't worry, no boyfriend. I wouldn't make a habit of speaking to mysterious men at parties if I did.”

That brought up a smile and James was sure many other women didn’t always share that sentiment, at least not the ones he’d spoken to. In the end, Ella agreed to join him to spend the evening anywhere but here and directed him to hail a cab while she grabbed drinks to go. That’s why he never bothered with a car. He always found a way to get drunk on someone else’s tab. Perhaps if he paid for the ride there, she could indulge in his spiraling addiction. And if he was lucky, it would lead to other equally enjoyable situations whether by body or the effects of a tiny tablet. In rare cases, both.

“Yeah the club downtown is fine,” James agreed as they parted. He hurried to the curb, pulling out his phone and the overused rideshare app to call a ride with Ella rejoining in minutes. He had noticed her waving to a friend as they left and took note of the way they dressed. Money... must have been nice to have. 

The brunette inquired about his knowledge of the clubs in town and he couldn’t help but to scoff. “If I’m not at a house party, I’m at a club. I frequent all numerous times during the week.” A yellow four door pulled up and James took the opportunity to hold out the door for her, hoping his chivalry would score him free alcohol in the long run. At this hour, it seemed that goal was all that was on his mind. 

Tucking in beside her, James let his eyes roam up her legs and over her figure until he reached her eyes once more. He took the drink she brought with them and was pleasantly surprised to find it filled with liquor. Thankfully, he was feeling pretty tipsy half way through the ride and by the way her eyes looked, so was she. 

He let his hand rest on her thigh, giving her an invitation to lean closer if she desired either in the cab or later in the club. He’d learned years back that a small gesture like that went a long way and she rejected it, fine. More alcohol always assured him a second chance and the club Fever Dream was the perfect place to get high or wasted.

Ella had to admit it was refreshing to meet a guy who knew the clubs and wasn’t trying to act like some big ambitious soul. He was just here to have a good time. James really was one of a kind, most men bragged about money and their career or what car they driver but this guy was different. He seemed okay with living in the moment. James gave the address for Fever Dream and she knew that places reputation. She didn’t go too often but she was excited as she lazed in the back of the cab. Ella looked over to him when he out his hand on her thigh and she smiled to herself, running her hand down to place it atop his.
 

They were going somewhere with an upbeat air and she was so excited. A new experience with a new face and she was already feeling the buzz of the alcohol tingling through her veins.

“It’ll be a fun night, best night of your life.” Ella said to him with a grin, a promise even. He wouldn’t forget this night, she made a habit of making herself unforgettable.

The cab pulled over and Ella hopped out, it was bustling and that was always a good thing. She was always excited for that, the crowds and the endless chatter and press of warm bodies. She didn’t intend on leaving the club alone tonight, she had her new muse. Ella snatched up his hand and pulled him inside with a flash of a smile. The music was heavy and bouncing, people danced and Ella made her way to the bar, signalling a bartender and ordering them both a good drink. She handed him a drink and a shot, tequila. She raised her shot glass and smiled at him,

“To new friendships.” She called over the music and then downed the shot without even flinching. The alcohol she had consumed serving to dull her tastebuds.
 

People clamoured for drinks and Ella balanced her other drink as she looked to the dance floor where people gyrated and danced together in a sea of bodies. It was exhilarating, moving among strangers, rubbing shoulders with anyone. It was intense and wonderful, she adored it. She looked to James and raised an eyebrow,

“Do you dance?” She asked him as she leaned in close like a cat with a mouse.

“Got a place to stay tonight?” She practically hummed in his ear as she spoke to him, he likely had his own place but Ella had a decent place with a decent view. They wouldn’t be disturbed either, she didn’t have roommates or anything and the apartment was nice. She did keep it clean, not all party girls needed to be disasters.

Ella moved to the bear as she pulled back and grinned at him, catching the beat easily. A lifetime of living and moving on the dance floor certainly had an effect on her positively. She could move, dance and her eyes remained fixed on James under the flashing lights as she did so, stopping to take a drink now and then.

Best night of your life, echoed somewhere in his mind as he followed Ella out of the cab and into the thumping beat of the nightclub. It was crowded but that wasn’t unexpected for a Friday night. It gave the air a sort of electricity that vibrated through the walls, beer glasses and feet. 

Her hand, thin and delicate laced through his, guiding him through the bodies that occasionally bumped into them. Her smile turned back, vibrant in the colored lights until they reached the bar. James could feel the need heavy in the back of his throat as Ella pushed him a shot glass of tequila and raised his drink with her’s. “To new friendships,” he agreed and downed the shot. 

Ella was evidently a drinker because like him, liquor didn’t seem to burn his taste buds anymore. They ordered the second round and he promptly followed Ella away from the crowded bar to a spot where she could yell over the drowning music. He leaned in to listen, the liquor doing its work in challenging his sense of balance. “Of course,” he said near her ear. “Especially on tequila, I’m the best dancer in the room.” 

His eyebrows rose, a smirk dawning across James’ face as he pulled her closer within the sea of bodies. “I suppose I do if you’re taking me there,” he breathed in close. 

Ella mesmerized him. The way her hair bounced and her smile seemed to seep out positivity and joy. She almost seemed happy to be here and James was jealous of that. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed between his large consumption of drink and the blur that was becoming Ella’s face. At some point he had leaned in, drunk on liquid bravery to capture her in a kiss, to feel her hair between his fingers and to forget about the darkness that lived in the reaches of his mind. 

“How ‘bout we get out of here,” he slurred slightly against her neck.

Ella liked his answers as she watched him and felt him get close. The kiss shared was electric, it was hot and she wrapped a loose arm around him, grinning and perfectly content to keep the closeness there. She didn’t mind he reeked of alcohol, she didn’t mind they were both surrounded by other bodies and strangers. It melted away in that moment of acceptance and she grinned at him, tipping her head back to look at him through fuzzy vision.

It wasn’t how she saw her night going but James was enrapturing. He was enticing like some forbidden fruit she wasn’t supposed to touch.

“Hmm, agreed.” Ella grinned when he spoke against her neck, he was driving her wild.
 

She pressed a kiss to his temple and led him from the partying crowds, ducking and dodging the dancers as she breathed in the night air laced with cigarette smoke outside the club. Ella was tingling all over as she found a cab and yanked James in with her, laughing. The cab driver smirked and asked the address which Ella gave willingly and they were off. Ella couldn’t keep her hands off of James, lacing him with kisses fuelled by the alcohol and she grinned when the cab stopped.

It was a nice area, no nightclubs but the odd higher class bar and she stepped out, using her keys to get into the apartment building and hailing the elevator. She smiled to herself as she let James into the apartment. It was clean, well furnished and she switched on the lights. It had a nice view of the city being so high up and Ella adored it. Perks of having rich and guilty parents.

“Hm, I can make you coffee in the morning, let’s skip that part.” Ella said with a shrug as she led him to the bedroom. Ella was experienced, she had no issue taking control to get what she wanted from someone but with James there was something different, like she had met her match.

Spent, satisfied and with a loopy grin on her lips, she nestled down in the blankets of her bed and reached over to the bedside drawer to pull out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, offering him one as she fixed her position and the pleasant buzz of pleasure and alcohol mixing in her system.

“Hm, you should be careful, James.” She said with a girlish giggle, “Wouldn’t want you falling in love so soon.” She teased as she fixed her ruffled hair and eased down, pulling the blankets around her bare body.

Usually she would have told the guy to leave by now, part of her wanted him to stick around and she reached over to find his pants, finding his phone and tapping in her number as she set it aside, 

“You’re not getting away that easy.” She smirked to him. 

It was nice to have a woman on the same page for once. From the club, to the cab, it seemed Ella wanted him as much as he wanted her, showering her in kisses even if his lips felt numb and fuzzy. She took control, ordering the cab to an address that he couldn’t remember if he tried and letting hands roam freely. The skin, his touch, everything in his world felt like it was on fire- so consumed by it that he barely registered that the driver had stopped, only aware when Ella pulled away. 

James blinked, turning in a small circle on the sidewalk. Through the haze, he made out that she lived in a very well off part of the city across from a classy bar district of its own. Certainly putting his tiny dorm room to shame. He assumed that everything came easy for her and again envied the stranger. 

The raven hair followed Ella to a tall apartment building, taking the elevator up to nearly the top floor. James’ mouth fell agape as the finally entered, just fucking amazed that he’d never heard or met this girl before tonight. Surely a woman with this much money always party crashing suburban homes was using it to cure boredom. Fuck, he wished he had that problem. 

James leaned in the doorway at first when she led him to the bedroom, trying to orient himself as best he could as drunk as he was. Ella sprawled herself across the bed, giggling and fishing for cigarettes in the bedside drawer. He smiled at her coy, teasing nature and moved closer, taking the cigarette and watching her kidnap his phone from his pocket. As she inputted her number, James admired the skin that revealed underneath the sheets, nearly flawless. He inhaled deeply, laughing lightly as the nicotine enhanced his spinning mind. 

He dropped his garments before joining underneath. “I don’t know if love has anything to do with it. He breathed against her. “But I think I’m smitten.” 

He wouldn’t remember the words said but he certainly felt the effects of last night. He smelt the smoke, sweat and the after scent of lingering booze. His head no longer pounded with years of being an alcoholic but he certainly could tell what time of day it was without looking at his phone. Late morning. He could use a coffee... and perhaps a mimosa after that. 

Instinctively, he rubbed the scars on his forearms and wrists and wondered briefly if she’d seen them last night. If she had, he was certain this would be the last time they saw each other. No woman wanted to be with a self destructing man.

James turned his head, admiring the tuff sprawled across the pillow. With a small sigh, he pulled on his long sleeve shirt and leaned back in to inhale her scent, muttering a ‘good morning’ almost whispered. 

Ella shifted in the morning and sighed out when she felt movement. He had stayed the night, wasn't he optimistic. Ella pulled herself up some and turned over to face him. She had seen the scars, it only made her more curious. Such a nice tapestry, ruined by cuts and slashes. She opened her eyes and took a moment to focus on him. Her head hurt a little and she knitted her eyebrows together against the light and smiled a little. 
“Hm, you're quite the sight in the morning.” She said to him as she nestled down in the blankets, relishing in having  warm body beside her. 

He had professed to being smitten with her, she had to admit that she felt the same way. It was strange, after only a scant few hours with him. He was comfortable, assuring and non-judgemental. Ella stretched her arms, if she had any hope of getting through today then she was going to need coffee. She struggled to sit up and looked over James, ever curious about him, wanting to know more. What he was afraid of, what he dreamed of. All of it. It was a ddangerous game to play with a stranger from a random party. Ella liked it. 

“Coffee?” She offered as she peeled herself from the bed and stretched, naked as the day she was born as she reached the wardrobe and pulled on a robe. She paused to look him over, eyes scanning him as she approached in the flimsy garment that tickled and played on her exposed skin. Her hand reached out, encasing his wrist as she pulled it towards it and she pushed back the long sleeves. As she suspected, she hadn't dreamt it up. She clacked her tongue and released him. 
“You know, there are much better ways to find a release.” She pointed out. She was no psychiatrist but she did know the pain of feeling out of control. There were different ways to take control, to explode without hurting yourself. She smirked at him, 
“How'd you take your coffee, James?” She asked him, hair messy and hanging around her face. He really was a nice sight in the morning, drowsy and thoughtful, the same mystique as last night written all across him. 

“Hm, you're quite the sight in the morning.” James could have said the same but kept his words quiet, afraid that the moment he did, the preverbal carriage would turn back into a pumpkin. His brows met at the thought. Of course, he was thinking about poetry again. 

Ella pulled out of his embrace to his slight dismay. The evening was over. It was time to go back to reality. 

“Yeah, I’d love a coffee.” He pulled himself into a sitting position, watching Ella go between the bed and wardrobe without so much as an ounce of shame in regard to her naked body. He felt a smile twitch up. This woman knew exactly what she was doing. She knew exactly what she looked like and that was a blatant open invitation to exploring something more between them. 

But he wasn’t sure that’s what he wanted. Not with the thoughts he was thinking. 

James didn’t hesitate to admire the invitation further. However, distracted by the skin, it took him by surprise when she grabbed his wrist and pulled back the sleeves. He nearly yanked his arms back had he not been concerned that he’d yank her with him. So she saw. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks as she turned away, embarrassed if not a little miffed that she hadn’t reacted as he predicted. James hated when he was wrong. Predictability was always safest. 

With a slight huff, James stood up and pulled on his boxers, following Ella into the quaint kitchenette with a small center island bar. He wondered how many men had slept in that bed before him. 

“You know,” he said slowly, musing on the correct words for such a raw morning. “I’m pretty sure there are better ways to approach sensitive topics.” He rounded the island to stand beside her as the coffee pot finished its brew, grabbing her thin wrist that he could practically wrap his fist around. “So please, don’t do that again.” 

He caressed her wrist briefly between his fingers before letting go and claiming a coffee mug from a metal stand. James poured it black, brushed against the small of her back just above her bottom before taking the coffee to one of the island bar seats. “Tell me, what do you do when you’re not crashing parties? Bring men to bed and make them coffee? I hope you don’t give everyone your number.” He smirked over the steam.

He was offended, embarrassed maybe and Ella conceded mostly because he had his hands on her in a rather nice way about her waist. She hummed a little as she watched him make a coffee, occasionally brushing by her and she wondered if he understood just how crazy he was making her. She leaned on the kitchen island as she stirred her own coffee and watched him. Black coffee, he liked it strong then. Ella wasn’t that brave and opted for some sweetener and milk to mix in.

“Hm, well I don’t want you thinking you’re special or anything, but I usually tell guys to lose my number and they’re usually gone by morning, I think you’re the first guy I’ve had back to my place.” Usually she went back to their place and she wasn’t trying to play the sweet virgin right then. James was by far the most exhilarating she had bedded for a long time though.
 

“Well, today I’m going on a hike. There’s this gorgeous pool on the cliffs I plan on skinny dipping into. Thirty foot drop, I can’t wait.” She said to him, she wasn’t lying. She had heard about the spot and apparently it was quite a rush. It was tame that was for sure, usually she likes to get her blood pumping and she eyed him over. She did wonder if adrenaline was his thing, he hadn’t shied away from the music, the temptations last night. She smiled at him over her coffee mug,

“What about you? Make a habit of going home with girls you don’t know? And what do you have planned today besides nursing a hangover?” She asked him as she found a seat and eyed him over. He was a party animal, she didn’t blame him for wanting a thrill. That’s all everyone wanted, a thrill.

She was unsure what was on the cards after the trip up to the pools, probably find another party, get well soaked in alcohol and start again tomorrow. She was young, she didn’t have many responsibilities besides looking after herself and making sure she made it home and didn’t end up dead. It was a dangerous game after all. Ella had been stung a few times going home with random men, her purse had been stolen once, she’d even taken a nasty beating from one guy but she still continued with it. It was the excitement, the rush of not knowing. Usually it faded by the next morning but it hadn’t with James.

She was still excited, she still found him thrilling. She wouldn’t use the term love, but she was in fact, smitten. Just as he was.
 

“Too late,” James teased. “I think I’m quite special actually.” 

He noticed, by the way she spoke, that Ella must have spent quite some time alone if she planned on being naked by herself in the middle of the woods but since she told him so, James read it as yet another invitation. Still he was unsure. What was a gorgeous woman like her doing single in an apartment like this? With all the parties, she must have met someone more interesting than him.

However, adrenaline he loved. It had been a few months since he had done anything risky only because the most risky thing he’d been thinking about was with a knife on his bathroom floor. He could feel the scars itching again under his sleeves at the thought. Though... Ella was proving to be a god sent distraction and since he’d quit his job last week, he was free most of his days.

“Hm,” James mused, deciding not to tell her he was an addict just yet. “I like the thrill of not knowing where I’m sleeping at times but I usually don’t make a habit of staying- but don’t think you’re special or anything.” He grinned, knowingly copying her words earlier. “I do think I just made plans though to use you as an attractive distraction.” 

The raven hair grabbed the tip of her robe and pulled her closer. His lips found hers, catching her in a slow sensual kiss. “That is,” he started once they parted, “If you’ll have a broke college kid like me join you.” James didn’t have much on him but he was sure once he’d had a good buzz on again, he could string her a good few lines of poetry. Maybe she’d be into that.

What a breath of fresh he was. She looked to him and feigned offense when he used her own words against her and she laughed a little. She shook her head at him and figured maybe it would be too extreme for his tastes, jumping from high places tended to be an off put. She looked to him, surprised when he wanted to join and she looked impressed. It was fleeting when he leant in and kissed her, tasting his coffee from his lips and she hummed a little. 
“It doesn't cost anything, broke college kid.” She assured him with a coy smile and she watched him. Her eyes looked him over, 
“Well, the shower is over there. You should get cleaned up before I mess you up all over again.” She teased as she got to her feet, “You can wait though, ladies first.” There really was something about him. He gave her butterflies. 

Ella and her butterflies sauntered towards the bathroom and she shed her robe, climbing under the shower and rinsing off the hangover that lingered. She could quench that thirst later tonight. Ella draped a towel around herself as she towelled her hair dry. No point drying it, she was going to get it soaked later and she stepped out, finding some clothes and pulling on a vest and some knee-length shorts as she drained the cold coffee and hummed a little.

Ella switched the radio on and hummed as she wet about her routine, like it was the simplest thing to have James around, it was strange. He fit in perfectly but she knew good and well, they would be terrible for each other. The drinking, she even had a habit of picking up more damaging substances if the parties weren't wild enough. James hadn't even scratched the surface of Ella and she hadn't scratched his surface yet either, but… He was under her skin. 

Her brunette hair was damp and she turned the volume of the 80s song up. 80s rock had such a way of getting her hyped up and usually she did these trips herself, most people looked at her like she had lost her mind and James was just willingly going with her. She had to wonder why he didn't have some sexy little number hooked on his arm and she grinned to herself. Their loss. 

'Hey, but are you gettin' it? (Armageddon it)
Ooh, really gettin' it? (Yes, armaggedon it)'

 

James felt a spark of accomplishment, knowing full well that he was possibly in for the long run, a day with Ella. As she showered, he took a moment to gather his clothes and belongings before observing the rest of the apartment. He didn’t see many photos but there were plenty of clothes in her closet that could keep a man staring in lust for hours. Girls like that could find a lot of trouble that way.

When it was his turn, he made the shower brief, already feeling too uncomfortable in someone else’s bathroom naked, especially sober. He fluffed up his hair as he exited fully dressed, finding Ella humming to 80s music as she packed a bag. 

James lingered in the doorway for a moment as he watched her, wondering if she knew how flaky or even bad he was for her but thought better of it as he joined. If she didn’t want to be around a guy who frequented bars and clubs almost every other night, then she should have made the correct decision to kick him out this morning. James wanted her to know exactly who she was entangled with and perhaps what his intentions were for every night since he could remember. 

He walked over to the cabinet that he recalled held the liquor and grabbed an unopened bottle of tequila, guessing it was her preferred choice of liquor, and stuffed it in the bag. If she didn’t want it fine, he’d leave but he was taking advantage where he could- the fucking low life that he was. If Ella let it sly, he hoped they would go out after their hike as well and get lucky in other ways. It was the weekend after all and as rich as she was, she must have known someone who could enhance their evening together. 

“Share that with me and I’ll give you whatever you want,” he said, a true addict's promise. He’d honestly do almost anything, especially for or with Ella. She had a mysterious aura around her that made him want to beg for more. Fuck, was his self esteem really that low? Did he really believe that if he distracted himself enough, got drunk enough that the depression would just disappear? Idiot. 

Ella glanced over to see him stashing a bottle of tequila and she shrugged some. She spun the bag over her shoulder and finished doing up her shoes. Strange how comfortable he made himself, it wasn’t that she was against day drinking but he made himself very comfortable. She snorted some towards him. He had expensive tastes she would give him that much. Ella tied her hair up and grinned towards him. Anything she wanted? That was a curious thought. What was he offering? His company was satisfactory along with his enthusiasm in bed.
 

“Come on. You might even need it for a little courage.” She didn’t know him, maybe this was all a show and he would bottle it when he got to the jump. The tequila would help and it was a damn nice day out. She looked over his fluffed up hair and grinned to herself, he really didn’t have to look so tempting right then.

Ella locked up when they headed out and started the walk.

“You know, not to be rude.” Ella prefaced her next question.

“But what can you offer me?” She asked as she made the walk towards the hill. She knew the event routes and she had done this plenty of times before.

“I mean, besides being a damn good lay.” She said just in case she had hurt his feelings. There was so much to this guy. He liked to drink, party and bed strangers apparently but there was something else.

The scars on his arm. Maybe jumping from a cliff would help.

“I mean- Honestly, this is the part where you tell me you have a girlfriend or a wife or kids or something.” She said to him and she actually did expect for him to say something along those lines and she wasn’t sure she’d judge him for it. She hadn’t done anything wrong and she certainly wasn’t his moral compass. That was where relationships always went wrong, trying to be the better person and invoking a compass. Let people party and enjoy themselves.
 

The walk was nice, the sun beating down on her and she reached over to uncap the tequila as she took a swig to wake herself up. She was itching to make the jump, feel the thrill and rush she got from it all. If he did have some little lady back home then she would do the jump and let him be on his merry little way. Better for everyone. Being the other woman was never fun and she ran her fingers over her pocket, a couple of pills stuffed into a plastic baggie resided there. Sometimes she needed the extra rush.

James had an internal breath of relief, smiling as Ella took the offer and almost seemed amused with him. Cute in a way that most women were nothing like her. She was careless, exciting and without a moral compass as he had recently discovered. That put his mind at ease, leaving his jacket behind with slight hesitation before following Ella out. 

Surprisingly, Ella lived close enough to a mountain that she had a trail connected a block or so from her apartment. How lucky. If he had a reprieve like this close to the dorms, he guessed he wouldn’t have been as lonely as he was. Nature, he had read somewhere, healed the soul. 

“Hm, I dunno Ella. That sounded kind of rude to me,” he smiled, pulling out a set of aviator sunglasses. His converse padded against the worn path, elated enough to actually enjoy the warmth despite the circumstances. “But I suspect I’m more than just a pretty face. I was studying for an English major.” He shrugged. “I can write you a sonnet or something but I do my best thinking when I’m in a thoughtful mood so you’ll have to wait.” 

His eyes met hers briefly. “Trust me, I wouldn’t have slipped into bed with you if I was hitched or even with a girlfriend. I’m not that kind of guy.” He took the bottle from her hands and swallowed a few gulps that a proper guest shouldn’t have but by the time they reached the cliff side, he was feeling more like his comfortably buzzed self. Anything to get out of his head nowadays. 

James rolled up his sleeves as he stepped carefully to peer over the edge. The view while becoming slightly skewed gave him a rush he’d been missing. His smile was wide, looking to Ella to see the mirrored excitement. “I’ll go first just in case it’s lethal and if it’s not,” he winked. “I’ll be at the bottom waiting.” 

James whooped as he turned and took the plunge, the adrenaline rising in his chest and the wind rushing through his unkempt hair. For a moment it felt like flying, falling through the air till his feet hit the surface of the water, drowning in a cool sobering embrace before he kicked to the surface. He laughed heartily for the first time in months, looking up for the beautiful party girl to join in his elation.

Ella smiled at him, he ‘was’ studying? He wasn’t any more then. Change of heart, things could be so fleeting sometimes and not everyone wanted to slave away for a qualification. She could understand that. She eyed him over, a sonnet. She had never received a sonnet before. The type of guys she usually ended up were hardly poets. Although, she was incredibly glad to know James was living up to her imagination. He did seem the tortured poetic type. She grinned as he took a few swallows. He wasn’t hitched, no girlfriend or kids.
 

Why?

Ella dropped the bag and bottle as well as the little baggie with pills at the bottom before she made her way up and she eyed James over. The feeling of her chest rising at this height and she had to admit, this was much better now she was sharing it with James. It was even more exciting. She watched him cheer and take that dove like it was nothing. He didn’t even hesitate, he just brought forth an excited encouragement and went for it.
 

Ella was stunned, part of her thought maybe she was dreaming or she had a dodgy pill in her system and she was going to wake up very disappointed. She grinned as she peered over the edge, he was safe and unharmed, she could see him. Waiting on her. No man had ever waited, no man had ever offered her a sonnet or jumped off of a cliff with her before. She didn’t know what James was doing to her, but she didn’t want it to end.

Ella jumped, those few seconds of being weightless and falling and the world being a colourful blur were the best. Her heart was racing, the adrenaline coursing in her veins and then it all culminated with cool and fresh water and a deafness to everything as she plunged into the water. Ella stayed beneath it for a few extra second, she loved the quiet and the way the light filtered through the water and she finally kicked up and resurfaced. Her heart was still hammering, she was still exhilarated.

Her eyes found James with his laughter and his smile, and she joined in. It was such a rush and she never thought sharing it with someone would make it better but she was wrong. She moved closer to him and in the heat of adrenaline, she kissed him slowly, wrapping her arms around him.

“I’m not going to forget about that sonnet.” She purred when she parted from him and grinned, moving his wet her from his face and looking him over.

“A poet who enjoys jumping off things, you didn’t even hesitate.” She said as she moved towards the shore to swig some more of the tequila. It was beautiful here, isolated and far from anything or anyone. It felt safe despite the threat of jumping from high places.

Ella’s entire body tingled with the adrenaline, like a prickling heat and a reminder that she was still alive and doing pretty well all things considered.

Ella jumped off the edge like she was made to fly. Her hair flew up like a fiery halo, blown back as the wind styled it to its design before she plunged into the water in front of him. The water rained over him as he waited patiently for her to emerge, wondering if she looked just as beautiful down there as she did above him. 

James laughed as she did, feeling elated just being in the brunette’s presence. He wondered briefly if he did stay... if days like this were always promised with Ella. No, he wasn’t an idiot. Nothing was ever that good and he was sure there was something under those eyelashes she was hiding. 

Those intrusive thoughts were interrupted by a sensual, slow kiss, James kicking harder to keep them from weighing down. He laughed at her comment when they parted and shook his head. “Nah, I’d never forget,” he promised. “Huge fan of Shakespeare and stupid shit like that.” 

James followed Ella back to shore, keeping a hand on the small of her back to help her from wearing out too easily. It wasn’t his first cliff dive and he was well aware how adrenaline could suck the energy out of you in an instant. As if she was reading his mind... 

“It’s not my first jump,” James admitted, collapsing beside her as she drank, taking his turn once she was done. “I like this kind of stuff. Makes you feel alive, you know?” 

He fiddled with the label on the tequila bottle, rolling it between his fingers as he pondered how much he should divulge to a complete stranger. Though... was she? In the last twenty-four hours, he’d shared kisses, drinks, seen her naked and she’d seen his misery etched in his skin. He didn’t exactly understand what was happening between them but it did spark his curiosity. 

“You have a nice place,” James started, keeping it simple. “Is it off the mark to say you’re well off? Got a retirement fund stashed somewhere from your folks or somethin’?” He took another drink. “And are you into bad boys and adrenaline junkies cause I don’t think I’m going to check all those boxes.” 

Ella grinned at him, a fan of Shakespeare? She couldn't help but be intensely curious about him now. How did a Shakespeare fan, a poet, end up like this? His guiding hand art her back, she could get used to that. She was pushing too soon, she realised. She grinned as he took the tequila and she eyed him. 
“Hm, you continue to surprise me.” She remarked to him when he mentioned it wasn't his first jump and he enjoyed stuff like this. He stood out from the crowd then. She leaned back and propped herself up on her elbows. Things were really going hard and fast with them. Almost too hard and fast to be good, like a train hurtling into a wall. 

“Hm? Oh- That.” Ella waved a hand, “Guilt money. My parents work away from home, they're barely home so they got me an apartment, ease their conscious.” She said with a laugh and then sobered when he mentioned not being a bad boy and adrenaline junkie. She didn't know if it was the alcohol or the fact James made her comfortable but her mouth ran away with her. 
“I've had my share of bad boys, trust me. Two broken ribs, a punctured lung and a terrible psych will do that to a girl.” She laughed a little. She took another swig of the bottle and bit back the taste. She had terrible taste in men, usually. The fact James hadn't socked her one meant he was step above most of her exes. 
“So, assuming you don't shatter my cheekbone, we'll be alright.” She remarked to him, somewhat amused by her own joke. All she could do was laugh about it nowadays, another reason her folks felt bad. They had been away when she had been admitted to hospital last time, they hadn't dared drop their jobs and they had no idea their daughter was drinking her life away and partying with all sorts. 

“Alright, so, you're turn.” She remarked, but decided against bringing up his self-inflicted injuries. It was a crime what he did to himself. 
“So, you're a poet you're not bad on the eyes and you enjoy jumping off cliffs with women you barely know.” She grinned at him, “Why?” She asked him, curious as to why he hadn't persued his poetry and found himself in classier circles than her. 

Guilt money, huh? A hint of jealousy wavered as he listened but the feeling only lasted for seconds before she told him about her past relationships. Despite his buzzed mind, James sympathized with Ella, wondering if it was the alcohol that was making her so open to telling him about her past trauma with other men. He couldn’t understand that. How men wanted to take advantage of someone weaker than themselves. He’d heard about instances with other women at parties like it was some great achievement to have a ‘bitch’ that was willing to bend regardless of the method used to get there. Though all of those guys were drunk when they admitted that. Just as he nearly was and sometimes he feared that about himself. 

He didn’t comment about her exes, almost like he was trying to be respectful but he did mutter a ‘sorry to hear’ somewhere in her confession. He wanted to care, he really did, but somewhere in the reaches of his mind, he didn’t think he was worthy.

“So, you're a poet you're not bad on the eyes and you enjoy jumping off cliffs with women you barely know. Why?”

James grinned himself, taking the bottle back to indulge his habit a little more. “You make me sound like a romantic character,” he started. “I, uh, just think parties and alcohol are a little bit more enticing than school. I can write poetry any day but nothing like that is worth a dime in anyone’s eyes.” He shrugged. “I just don’t know where my life is headed and occasionally, I like to jump off of cliffs with women I barely even know.” He chuckled. “Okay, you’re the first but it’s an experience.” 

He shook the water from his hair and looked her over. “So, dancing sound good later? Maybe we should eat something before we get too hammered to function.” James was already in his preferred state of mind, half here, half gone. Thinking about lines of poetry between thoughts.

“You know, you looked like you could fly when you jumped off that cliff. As if that’s where you belong. Somewhere free.” He scrunched his brows wondering why he was trying to be so romantic. Oh yeah, he must have been getting tipsy already.

“Well, aren't I lucky to be your first?” Ella smiled to him. She laughed a little at his explanation and figured he was really a character. She was unsure if he was a romantic character or not, she couldn't testify to that but she did know that there was more than just James in his skin, there was more depth beneath his layers and she intended to uncover it. He didn't seem violent, he didn't seem aggressive or angry, just lost. Just like her. 

“Dancing?” She raised an eyebrow, “Well, if you're promising me dancing I can't say no, can I?” She responded to him, “Let's see if you can dance as well as you drink and talk poetry.” She said to him. She had never read his poetry, so it would be difficult to judge whether it was worth a dime but if he gave up now then he wouldn't ever know. She chuckled when he mentioned her looking free, what wishful thinking that was. To be free, to soar above everything and everyone. 
“Nothing matters when you're up there, when the fall starts.” She said as she watched some clouds roll by. Everything could fall away and she could fall away with it. The drinking, the pills, the endless partying… None of it mattered. Nothing gave her that high though. 

“You mentioned food and I'm wasting away. Come on, there's a cute place about a half hours walk from here.” She said to him as she took a last swig and they would dry off just fine on the way. The sun was burning hot, beating down in jealous rays as Ella led the way through the thickly foliaged paths and she glanced to James. 
“So, what're you gonna do?” She asked him with a smile, “If you won't write your poetry, keep jumping from high places?” She asked him, not that there was anything wrong with it. It was his life, he could live it any way he so desired. 

It seemed strange how comfortable she was with him, like he was the first to truly see her and accept her and want her. From the moment at that party last night, the way he had looked at her and been so gentle and non-judgemental. When they had bedded one another, he had been in tune and when she offered jumping off a cliff he had agreed and come with her. And he had waited at the bottom, ready for her touchdown into the water. 

She barely knew this man, and yet he fit so well. Like a missing piece of jigsaw. 

She was a fool, her desperate need for assurance and affection were clouding her judgement along with the drink. That had to be it. Men like James went on to get pretty little wives, have pretty little babies with pretty little houses. They didn't stick around with the girls who jumped off cliffs and wanted a good time always.

James silently agreed with her sentiment, nothing did matter when you were cliff jumping and hanging in suspense through the air. He gathered himself off the shore, following her lead as she led them down a path back to the street where she mentioned a ‘cute place’. 

When Ella asked him what he did, he held himself from immediately saying ‘nothing’. He didn’t have too many ambitions now or creative inspirations when it felt like he was trudging through mud every day. He wanted his brain to be floating, just anywhere else then reality so he could make this dream last until the day he would wake up and end a nightmare. He didn’t want her to know those kinds of things and was happily content with joining her on her drunken journey to parties and bars. They were surprisingly compatible in their sinful nature.

“I guess I like to search for things that just get my blood pumping like cliff jumping or..,” he pinched her arm playfully. “You, for example.” 

The thirty minutes seemed to fly by on his buzz and soon they were settled into a local cafe that sold sub sandwiches. Definitely the definition of ‘cute’. They ordered separately, James wondering briefly how much was really in his bank account before he gorged himself on a ham sandwich, tasting better a little tipsy then it would have sober. “Do you want to go back to the same club or somewhere different? I’m happy to help with cab fare if you want to go somewhere out of town. Also if you want to change...”

Ella laughed when he pinched her arm and playfully swatted at him, she must have had some good karma going for her given how things were working out. Then again, she knew a day would come when James moved onto the next pretty thing that drew his attention. Such was the way of things with the good ones, Ella knew that much. She wasn't built to keep a good man around. 

She sat at the diner and looked to James as she ordered a chicken sub and thought for a while. 
“Well, I'd like to stop by my place again, get changed. I can't go out to a club with an attractive man on my arm looking like a drowned rat, can I?” She said to him with a smirk, “Then I've been hearing good things about a place called Opium.” She actually hadn't been there yet, but a change of scene would do them both some good. He could shower at her place too if he wanted to, she had a washer and dryer too, so if he wanted to spruce up. Or they could meet up later. 

“Stop worrying about paying the cabs, honestly. Mom and dad feel guilty about leaving me alone, lemme spend their money.” She remarked to him with a grin. It was there to be used and frankly, she didn't feel bad about it either. She lowered her voice and looked him over, he seemed the sort who wouldn't judge her. 
“I've got some powder back at mines too, we could spice things up a little. No pressure.” Cocaine was a party drug as far as she was concerned, it helped her let loose and dance, everything was more vivid on the stuff and if she got real lucky she could entice James back for another sleepover. 

“Although, if you're on the hunt for a girlfriend, I strongly recommend you don't turn up everywhere with me, people are gonna start talking.” She said playfully with a laugh. It didn't bother her, people always talked. Fake smiles, fake compliments, everyone was so detached from reality that it made her sick to her stomach. So what if she wanted to escape all that with alcohol, jumping off a cliff or some narcotic that made everything bearable?

James chuckled at her rat comment. In his opinion, she looked beautiful in any shape or form but he wasn’t about to lay his cards out when he wasn’t planning too much of a future. “Fine, we’ll use the good ol’ folks money to your heart's content. It’s not for me to walk over a lady’s bit of fun.” He hadn’t been out to the Opium either. Too far of a travel for his budget but he was booking forward to the experience especially in a big city.

He leaned forward as she did, listening in to her offer which completely diminished his want to go change at his dorm. James wasn’t sure if it was his eagerness to partake in something he could rarely afford but he figured he’d be an idiot not to take the offer when she already was interested in him as he was with her. 

James finished his sandwich and pushed the plate away. “I’ll go back with you. I don’t mind ‘spicing’ it up and don't worry. I’m not really looking for a girlfriend. I’m not looking for that kind of commitment.” He waited until she was finished with her meal before offering to take the backpack as they walked the short distance back to her apartment.

Ella grinned at him, glad he didn't chicken out and she finished her sandwich and started the walk back with him. By the time they got back, she was dried off but she still opted for that shower before getting out and changing. Some part of her knew she was destroying herself, slowly. But what did it matter? She was just another number, another nobody and wasn't about to waste her life trying to be something and being miserable. She was more than happy being exciting and using what time she had to make her grubby little mark on the world. She would be forgotten so easily. No girlfriend and James wasn't looking for commitment. She couldn't blame him, it wasn't as though anyone would find commitment material in this neighbourhood.

She dried her hair and found something halfway decent to wear. A revealing, strappy number and she fluffed her hair up, 
“Shower's all yours.” She remarked to James. She dug around in her make-up bag and found what she needed. A little baggie, from a decent dealer that she trusted. She set it on the counter as she applied her eyeliner and made herself beautiful all over again. After that, she started dividing the powder into lines. 

One for her, one for James. It would get them wrecked enough to enjoy the new club and she would take a little extra with her, in case they wanted to sta out and needed that buzz. Or she had heard that screwing on the stuff was a damn good experience. She grinned and rolled up a dollar bill, waiting for James. 
“Ladies first, right?” She said to him with a wink. She bent over and her heels clicked on the floors as she sniffed the pwoeder up and she dabbed at her nose so her make-up wouldn't smudge. 

It was like instant relief, everything becoming nicer, more pleasant and her heart rate increased and she really wanted to dance and feeling the thrum of music and the heat of bodies pressed against her. 
“Come on, let's go dance.” She said to James with a grin as she handed him the rolled up dollar and moved to the door, she felt as though she were floating and she tipped her head back when she got to the cab and relished the fresh air and how it felt on her skin. 

It didn’t take them very long to reach Ella’s apartment and immediately she began to undress for her shower. Again he lingered around on his fading buzz, until she had finished and reveled in shower water himself. James almost felt sober by the time he emerged and was pleasantly surprised to find Ella prepped with powder against the counter... And she was fucking gorgeous in her revealing attire. 

Having tossed his clothes in the dryer earlier, he pulled them out and joined the brunette in the kitchen. James loved how inconsequential she was. He could do anything- be anything and she wouldn’t be judgmental either way. 

But it was that first hit that made him feel like he was on fucking cloud nine. When he looked up, dabbing his nose, the high instantly took over his brain and made Ella look ethereal. He swayed slightly, not used to the drug but eventually found his ground. Grinning as he followed Ella out of the apartment like she was some fucking goddess. 

The drive was unlike any other. With the window down, James noticed that Ella was enjoying her high and took her hand in his and rode out the drive. By the time they reached Opium, he was ready for a drink, still lingering on the power but aware that the effects were only temporary. “Can I get you something?” he asked after she paid their fare and entry fee. 

James’ hand was grounding and she gave it a squeeze, looking over to him. He looked vibrant, colourful. She could have sworn that he was a wonderful oil painting or a storybook character. She knew it was the high but it was only accentuating what she saw in the man. It was so intense and she adored it. She got out the cab and looked around the club, humming as she looked to James, the best of the music and intoxicating atmosphere was only adding to her high and she smirked.
 

“Vodka, with lemonade.” She said to him as she wrapped around his waist from behind, watching him order. She didn’t really care she was being clingy, the sensation of having someone close like this was beautiful and the music was vibrating through the floor. A drink would settle her, so she thought. She pressed a kiss to his neck, like he was her own personal plaything for the night as she took her drink and took a deep swallow from it, not even flinching at the after burn. She looked to him, eyes distant and yet fixed on him. This was incredible. She was completely in love with everything right then,

“Dance with me. I want to sweat.” She said to him as she balanced her drink and pulled him to the dance floor.
 

The music was wonderful, people blended together around them in a mesmerising way. James didn’t judge her for the drugs, or the alcohol, or the diving. He just existed and he let her exist. God, what had she done to deserve the company of this man above all others? Was he a dream? Was she dancing on the street with nobody? Her gaze was always on him but her energy was at a high as she moved and span and laughed, adoring every moment of being under the club lights with thrumming music.

“Hey, I know you don’t want commitment.” Ella said as she suavely inched close to him, “But I’d like to keep you around a while.” She took another drink and tipped her head back so her hair hung away from her face and her arms were wrapped around James, as though she was relishing the moment. Who knew when they would get another moment like this? It was like she was permanently jumping off that cliff, that thrill, the surge in her chest.

And James, he made it better. He made it all better, all worth it. He’d be gone though, one morning. She knew it. So she intended to enjoy every single minute with him. 

James nodded, pulling her through the evening crowds as he put in their order, requesting an expensive rum and coke himself. He noticed in her intoxicated state that Ella was a little more attached than earlier, which didn’t particularly bother him. His skin was tingly and when she touched it, it felt like he was electrified to life. 

Ella pulled him to the dance floor and he bent into her body like she was the missing piece to a delusional puzzle. He knew that his brain was creating the fake euphoria but he was finally feeling happier then he had been in the last few months. The drug eased him into the feeling and he enjoyed the seconds as he swallowed his drink. He pushed into her as Ella swung her body back, enjoying the music and buzz as he clung to keep her from falling over. 

His laugh was drowned out by the thumping of the music, pulling Ella back up so he could comment on her needy revelation. “You can try,” he said. “But if you keep entrancing me like this I might consider your proposal.” James could feel the high decline and bumped her gently as he kissed her lightly. “Can we take another hit or would you rather down a few shots first?” He was itching to be out of his thoughts again, whether by the cocaine or liquor, he didn’t really care. “It's fun this way,” he mused, pressing his lips against her neck. 

Ella cast him a devilish look, keeping her giggle hidden at his challenge of trying to keep him. She accepted wordlessly, she didn’t need commitment, men couldn’t commit these days. She had learned that the hard way and woe betide anyone who ever tried. Her lessons in life were unhealthy, men were supposed to beat you into submission and no one ever truly had your back. She grinned into his kiss and wound her arms around him. The high was wearing off, he was right and she smirked,

“I brought some with me.” She said to him, another bump of cocaine wouldn’t hurt either of them, it was a party drug. She told herself that anyway.

“Come with me.” She finished her drink and wound her way to the bathroom, sneaking him inside as she did a line.

She eyed the toilet, he was far too lovely to take a hit from the back of the toilet like she did and her eyes glinted, mischievously.

“Better idea.” She said to him as she handed him the dollar bill she had used to snuff the stuff up her nostrils. Instead, trickled a line on her shoulder, just above her collarbone and watched him.

“Go on then.” She said, keeping still so none of the powder would be lost. It was expensive stuff, after all. Ella wasn’t fussy either. The only thing she refused was anything in needles, they made her squirm. She figured she had a great way to end tonight when they were both exhausted. And James had told her to try and hold onto him.

The euphoria was back and her thoughts clouded again, all she wanted was to forget everything. Forget every man that had ever put his hands on her, forget her parents that cared more about their job than checking in on their wayward daughter, forget all the falseness of people around her. She just wanted to live and to feel alive, that’s all she wanted. A numb reality brought on by the wonders of a high. And why shouldn’t she? She had a glorious man at her side and she intended to keep him as long as she could.

“I want to show you something after all this.” She said to him, lips brushing his ear, when they were successfully spent at the club. But for now, she needed another drink and more dancing.

“Let’s get those shots.”