In The Past…

“Will you come here please?” Imogen heard her mother calling for her. That woman could never seem to leave her daughter alone. If it wasn't one thing it was another. Imogen rolled her eyes as she went to her mother's aid. Like usual, her mother forgot what she needed. Nothing irritated the woman more than anything. Imogen sighed as she sipped on a glass of wine. Today was going to be a rough day. Nobody knew what was going to be happening. She was the only one that knew. The female didn't even tell her father what she was going to be doing. Because she knew very well that her father would talk her out of her decision. 

For months, Imogen has been fighting some insecurity issues. She was happily together with Anastasia. But for some reason she felt like she wasn't good enough for her. Imogen finally found a woman that she could settle down with. After multiple nights of sleeping with multiple women Imogen got tired of doing that all the time. That is when Anastasia came into the picture. The two spent months getting to know one another. And then they ended up being together. But there was something that Imogen still couldn't fight off. She was beyond terrified to even attempt to talk to about it with Anastasia. She didn't understand why she was so terrified. But she was. And she knew that she needed to talk to someone. She was going to wait until Anastasia got home so they can talk. But Imogen wouldn't be able to handle that. She knew this was a crappy way to do things, but she was going to leave her a letter. She needed to get it done now. Because Anastasia will be home soon. 

Dear Anastasia,
I'm sorry that I have to do things this way. But I've been having a lot of problems lately with myself. And I don't want to drag you into those problems. I feel like I would only make things worse even though we are in a good spot. I do love you. I just don't love myself. I'm sorry. I will not be coming home. 
Sincerely, 
Imogen. 

Imogen looked at the piece of paper and she felt tears run down her cheeks and then she left the note on the table. She couldn't even bare to face her. Imogen left the house key on the table as well. She headed for the door and looked behind her and shook her head. Multiple times she questioned herself if this was the right thing to do. Once she got back into her vehicle, she started to cry a lot harder. Once she pulled away from the house, she saw Anastasia's car pulling into the driveway. She was praying to god that she wouldn't of seen her pulling away. 

Beep Beep Beep…

Imogen groaned as she heard her alarm clock going off. She felt her hand hit the hard top plastic button on the top of the alarm clock. She was pretty sure she just made it where she hit the snooze button. When she blinked her eyes open, the sun immediately hit her eyes and she squinted her eyes. She rose up in her bed pretty slowly and stretched her arms above her head. She looked over at the alarm clock and it read 7:05am. She removed the blankets off her thin body, and headed for a shower. She was pretty quick in the shower. Once she got out she put her outfit on, and started to do her hair and put little makeup on. 

It's been a year since the breakup. After that night, she did end up telling her father about what happened. He was pretty upset, but he also was 100% on his daughter side. Her mother didn't handle it well, at all. All her mother could do was scream at Imogen about how all she ever does is break people's hearts and only cares about herself. Imogen shook the thoughts out of her head. That was the last time that she has spoken to her mother. Her father, on the other note, helped her with whatever. Her father was the reason she went to college, got her own apartment, and is now a graphic designer. Imogen also has been attending therapy. Her and her therapist came to the conclusion that she feels the way she does is because of her mother. Imogen's mother expected so much of her and it was just too much for Imogen. She was a lot better. But Imogen knew she couldn't think about that right now. She had a huge project that was due today. Granted, she was almost done with it. She just had to make a couple changes to her project. 

Imogen grabbed her keys and purse on the way out the door. Luckily, just a few blocks down there was her favorite coffee shop. She was dragging a bit this morning, so she wanted to grab a coffee. A few minutes later, she parked her car and walked inside. She ordered her drink, and then when she went to stand away from the link. She was there. Imogen felt her heart in her throat. She was praying to god she wouldn't see her. But she knew that would be merely impossible. Imogen just kept her eyes ahead as she waited for her coffee, preparing herself for all the questions and tears she was going to be enduring.

The paper shook in the young woman's hands. Her heart pounded in her chest and tears blurred her vision. Anastasia had been sitting down at the table for God knows how long, staring at words that she couldn't read anymore. She didn't understand. Even though she'd read the words over and over again, she didn't understand. According to Imogen, it had nothing to do with her, so why did she feel like it did? Why did it feel like she hadn't done enough to keep her? That she hadn't shown her how much she loved her?

It hurt. It hurt so much more than she could have ever expected. She had really thought she'd met the woman she was going to spend the rest of her life with. Now here she sat, heart broken into a million pieces, and doing her best to move forward, to live a life without the one woman that she thought would be a part of.



A year had passed and things had grown easier. Ana hadn't moved on. In fact, she hadn't seen anyone since the breakup, which was fine. She wasn't really interested in the dating scene as it stood. Or, more importantly, she wasn't interested in anyone that wasn't Imogen.

Today wasn't the day to think about it though. No, instead, she was going to focus on studying for her exams. School was coming to a close soon and with the degree so close, the competition was getting fierce. Only so many were going to make it through the program, especially with how hard it was going to be. She intended to be one of the few that graduated.

Sitting in the cafe, she had a two books open on the table and a notebook open in front of her. Her eyes scanned the pages, writing down any and everything that she thought was important. If left to her own devices, she would copy down the whole book if it meant retaining the information.

Setting her pencil down, she reached a hand up to run it through the short brown stands on her head, frowning as she caught a knot. She'd just brushed it out with her fingers when she looked up, completely freezing. For a moment, she felt like she couldn't breathe. How was it that today of all days, she would show up? Honestly, Ana had thought she moved away. She'd never been able to get ahold of her in the first few days after the breakup, and at one point, she'd run into her mother at the store. She'd been told that Imogen wasn't staying with them but that was all. Ana had just assumed…

Yet there she stood, waiting for her own cup of coffee, looking as beautiful as she had a year before.

Taking a deep breath, Ana looked away, grabbing her own drink and taking a long sip from it. She was debating if she should say something. She had so many questions but she had no idea how she would even approach her. If she tried, would Imogen walk away? Would she ignore her? Her heart skipped a beat at the thought.

With a sigh, and knowing damn well that she had to face it eventually, Ana stood, hesitating before she finally approached her. It would hurt but she had to rip off the bandaid one way or another. “Imogen…?”

Imogen held her breath while she waited for her coffee. She had no idea what was going to happen. If Ana was even going to say anything to her at all. Imogen heard her name and she knew that it was Ana. What was she going to do? She wasn't who she was a year ago. Was she going to ignore her? Or was she going to talk to her and see what happens? Imogen had no idea, because her head was going wild right now. Imogen bit on her lip and she felt ever single emotion hit her hard. 

Imogen took in a deep breath, and then turned around and looked at Ana. She slowly nodded her head at her. “Yeah, it's me.” That was all that could escape out of her mouth. But Imogen did find herself looking Ana up and down. Ana always knew how to take Imogen's breath away. And god damn, she did it again. She looked amazing as usual. Imogen didn't even realize how long she was staring at her before she heard her name go off once more. Imogen removed her eyes from her and grabbed her coffee and took a sip of it and looked at Ana. She wanted nothing more to speak to her, but she didn't even know if that was going to be okay. What she needed more than ever right now is to talk to her therapist. Because still at the end Imogen was madly in love with Ana. But she knew that she tore her heart into a million pieces. 

One thing that Imogen was trying to work on was forgive herself. But sometimes, she doesn't even know how to forgive herself. She wanted to call her dad, and talk to him about all of this. If he ever saw Ana after everything went down. She wasn't for sure. Because she barely talks to her dad, because she is always busy with work. That was the one thing she could do that she felt like she was good enough at it. She gulped as she looked at Ana once more. 

“I know you probably have questions… But I have to get to work and finish up on this project that is due in a couple of days..” Part of her didn't want to leave, but the other part of her knew that she needed to leave. She didn't even know what to say or do. She slightly smiled at Ana, and walked out to her car. Imogen was right outside her car and she took in a deep breath. Her heart racing a mile a minute and her head was filled with all of these thoughts. She bit on her lip lightly, watching Ana inside. She wondered if she would try and follow her outside or not. Imogen waited a little bit more to see what would happen.