[center [size10 when your husband ready to lose his job and catch and assault charge over your new store gm and you’re just like “whelp” cause he’s gonna do it either way if Ben fucks our schedules up. Ben on thin ice as is with the rest of the store cause he hasn’t done any of the shit he’s promised and he’s constantly in the office starting at the times and cameras. Not to mention he promised we wouldn’t run out of anything with him but oops we ran out of shit again today. prissy ass rich white boy over here giving everyone the same look too, making it seem like he thinks he’s above everyone else even though he works at taco bell too. Like fuck off mate. I could prolly manage to do your job better. Hell any of us in this store could.]]
[center [size10 so i guess i had a psychotic break or something cause oops i wound up hospitalized. apparently i didn't realize how bad i was but oliver was scared. idk what's still wrong with my brain, i keep being told i'm high risk and been through a shit ton of trauma and it's frustrating because i haven't had a good therapist to talk to in a very long time. the doctors at the place i went to were useless they just wanted to prescribe me medication, and while it has helped with the chaotic thinking the mean thoughts and voices are still there and now the depression is rearing it ugly head. i always lowkey related to juice wrld whenever me and oliver would listen to it but now that my mind is so down and out and hopeless it's like 50 times more relateable and good lord i hate it. don't get me wrong his music is amazing but it's not really a good sign if that is where my mindset is when i just got out of the hospital.]] [center [size10 i just want to be okay and i wish that i could legitimately work but the most i could work is part time because even the doctors all said i needed to be on disability. it sucks meeting up to the standards my mother expected me to meet.]]
[center [size10 I've been over here with my borrowed laptop from the library wanting the ability to use photoshop but having no money and my dumb fucking entitled ass completely forgot the first program i ever learned to edit photos on wasn't even photoshop it was gimp. gfdi I'm an idiot how dare I completely forget about gimp. so here i am in the library helping make aesthetics for oliver because god damn it i've been wanting to and its even better knowing that he loves the shit i make. so 10/10 for supportive husband who let's me use him as my muse and shit.]]
[center [size10 I cant wait for the day we can buy me a laptop. i'll be able to make him shit with out having to wait for a laptop on hold to come back in at the library and it'll be amazing, so long as i don't kill the bitch like i'm horrible about. cause fuck i made the one i borrowed from the library freeze at least twice and i think i almost killed their hotspot too. i also cant wait to make him shit just cause it means that i'll be able to help him possible spread his music cause i already thought of a really easy way to share it on facebook.]] [center [size10 also he starts work tomorrow and hopefully it goes well and i also called cmh today so i can reschedule my damn out patient shit back again and maybe they'll be able to finally help me get disability. Also this man was over here telling me just how he was gonna torture and kill me if i let someone else steal me away from him while he's at work while i'm on hold with cmh and i swear i'm gonna slap him if he doesn't tell that brain of his to chill the fuck out. I'm none of his exes and if i wanted to ditch his ass i'm sure i've had plenty of chances.]]
[center [size10 Everyone who's ever ditched me: You're problematic and toxic]][center [size10 Strange to hear that I was literally the reason some man I hold very dear to me like he's my actual family contemplated suicide and stopped because he thought of me and my husband. Literally told my husband I'm the most positive person he's ever met. Like it's super strange because I for the longest time have thought I was the problem, always, even recently because yet another person has called me toxic for running off and getting married to someone who actually gives a shit. Which isn't my way of saying he cares more than anyone else I've ever known. I won't say the people who have disagreed with my life choices have never actually gave a fuck and thought they were looking out for my best interests becuase let me tell you, they are amazing people, except my mother she's the only exception to that. But I'd never wish ill will on the two that I'm thinking of. They were dear friends and you know if I had the option to at least partially rebuild the bridge I would, but I don't get to make that choice at the end of the day. But regardless, I could beat myself up over my toxic traits but at this point I know what at least the big ones are and those would be easy for me to address with the help of therapy and a doctor which unfortunately for me is kind of a pain right now to go through cmh for it since they only seem to do telemedicine appointments.]] [center [size10 Also Freedom and me just talked about Megan and it still astounds me that people will see me and oliver together and it just kind of like, amazes them that we have the relationship we have despite everything. Megan literally gave up on the idea of love and didn't think it was real and then she saw us, heard how we talked about each other and how we wound up together and it just kind of refreshed her faith in that shit. It crazy what being in the kind of circumstance with these kinds of people has done and taught me. Like yeah there is a handful of people who should be chucked into like a lake or something but the rest of them for the most part have actually helped us out in ways that aren't even monetary. I literally have been adopted by a guy who saw oliver slap me once, even while it was consented by me that he could and his first instinct was to just slam oliver against a bus stop. Hell that same man went walking around town trying to help oliver find me because I was outside in the cold at like 6 am trying to make my way back to the shelter with full blown pneumonia. The people you wind up connecting with in live are so board and so many it's kind of lowkey beautiful and I've got to meet some cool ones with probably the coolest person I know. 10/10]]
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