[google-font https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Nosifer:wght@400&display=swap]
[center [Nosifer [b [#bd0036 One Thing]]]]
[Nosifer [center [#bd0036 [i It sure seems like every time I turn around there is something wrong. I drop everything to run and do whatever is asked of me. The dog needs a bath... I do it... The dishes need done... I do them. The bathroom needs cleaned... Well, I do that too. I am so sick and tired of all of this. I am twenty-nine years old, and you think you can still give me a bedtime and a time to get up. You tell me to stop pushing that you only ask one thing, but I don't think you realize what a big fucking lie that is. Maybe you do though. You would have to be pretty stupid to realize that you don't just ask me for one thing.
I am working. That is something that I was told I had to do. I got a taste of what true freedom was and I want it back. I hate living here. It is constantly stress. That's all I do anymore. I don't think I've actually had a break in my mind. Ever since I got here it has always been something. Grandma constantly on mine and Chris's ass about everything and you... Oh you aren't any better. I am more than tempted to leave. Leaving would mean I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I am trying very hard to be as friendly as I can, but I am fucking losing it.
I know talking to mom will get me nowhere, but I am going to do it anyway. I do a lot and I am not going to continue and sit ideally by and let you treat me like a child.
I know I shouldn't even bring this up, but maybe it is something I'll never forgive. I am trying, but more and more I am realizing the favoritism I had when I didn't have anyone, and you thought you could just use me. I don't think you have the right to try and parent me when you step over the bounds of being a parent. I think you should have lost that a long time ago. Not only that, but again... I am too old for you to be telling me what to do...
Not to mention I am paying rent to live here. So... I mean... I am not just leeching off of you or anything. I mean we pay our way. I clean up after a cat I can't fucking stand. I even buy his food. We pay for our food when we don't want what's for dinner. Not to mention we gave our food stamps up to help the house. We clean up the house too. We clean up after ourselves.
Honestly, I don't think you want us here. I have been feeling that for a long time... Or maybe it is him you don't want here. I have a feeling you don't like him as much as you pretend to. I notice even your jokes with him have stopped. I think you know what's coming...
We are going to leave and there will be nothing you can do to stop us. We have the money saved for a safety net. It looks like sadly it will probably have to be used. I was hoping to find a place here and move out that way I could still be close, but I just don't have the patience for that anymore. I wish that I did. It is really draining me. Living in this house.
I had to deal with this bullshit my whole life. I rebelled as a teenager, but in the end, I only ended up on my ass. Sometimes I wonder if you are trying to push my buttons enough that I will leave. I think you want this bedroom back. You want it because it would make life easy for you and my brothers. Whatever. I don't care anymore.
I always figured that you didn't want us back here. I think you are running out of being able to tolerate us. That's fine. I've lost my tolerance of you as well. I also think that you are hoping that Chris just goes home. I honestly think that you want him to leave. I have this feeling that you don't think I will follow him, but I guess I didn't make myself clear enough. I will.
I don't care if you won't be able to help me if I go there. I am just too tired to deal with any of this anymore. I could easily call my job tomorrow and tell them that I am no longer going to show up because I am leaving. Leaving Iowa. Going somewhere else.
I am tired of lying to everyone by saying I am fine when truthfully, I feel like I am drowning. There's nothing to stop it either. Today I felt that I would rather be dead then actually be here. If I wasn't a coward, I probably would just end it all. I have a person to live for though... That stops me more than the cowardly part.
I am not sure how you can come back from this. How anyone is going to come back from this. Even as I start to calm down... I still feel that I want to leave.
I just don't think I can stay here anymore.
It isn't healthy for either one of us. If we stay... I will continue to die inside. I will continue to just wilt away until there is nothing left of me. I am so drained. I wish I could say that I could still do this, but I just can't. I don't think I ever could.
You say I'll hate it if I leave and at first... I thought you were right, but I realize something. You know that if I leave... I may end up happier where I was. That would mean I wouldn't be coming back... It would mean I would call less or maybe not at all...
It would mean a lot of different things and I don't think you want to deal with any of it... Because it would be your fault in the end.
I cared at one point in time. Now I just don't.]]]
[yt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L07pV3AkVD0]
[yt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qp9zNMGhEqM]
[yt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoqgHJldclU]
[yt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mkePUgLO5U]
