[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mU6zjLZlv6k]]

[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoHgV6UNMLM]]

[size10 last evangelion movie comes out next month and i can't wait. I AM A THIRSTY FOR IT. have been for years. i am honestly so damn hyped for it. GIMME GIMME GIMME. like fuck, i can't WAIT.

should watch the other three in preparation ... fuck rent ... i need to buy these movies .... gods i hope amazon didn't change the voice actors though. i dunno why they would, but look at what happened with netflix. still refuse to watch them tbh, nothing can compare to the original voice actors. or the rebuild voice actors, cuz they did a damn good job.

ajekfjaewoijfaioew i need it now.]

[size10 i was tired of feeling angry and hurt. that's really all i ever felt for a while. seeing your name used to make me happy and, as dumb as it probably sounds, it gave me butterflies. but lately, all i felt was bitterness. i miss you, of course, but it isn't like we spoke often. and the last time we tried to do anything together, it didn't go well ... for whatever reason. i woke up the next morning to being kicked from the server. no explanation or anything. i was angry and upset that whole day, and that feeling never really went away.

i don't want to hold onto that anymore. it's awful to say, but it's easier to get over when i don't see a constant reminder of you. or of your relationship with honey. i'll just be honest. i've always been jealous of her lol. but it's whatever now.

i can't say that things are better off this way, for the both of us. i can't make that decision for you. i'd like to think it'd probably make your relationships easier. i won't be a dark cloud hanging over your head anymore. but well. it's not my place to decide or tell you how to feel about it.

i'm tired of the negative feelings in my heart and that's all there is to it. i'd like to be friends again one day, but i can't fully make that decision either.

I do hope you're ok. Having fun and smiling. I don't want you to be miserable, not in the slightest.]

[center [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Dv5Ps1ehF4]]

[size10 gods, i wish i could go on a date in amaurot. it's so pretty lol. and the music that plays. i love it so much, haha. it's my favorite. i love heavensward to the moon and back (lol) but shadowbringers is a close second the music is just !!!! it makes my soul happy to hear such well composed music.

sometimes i wish i could get into the rp scene on xiv but that's too much work lol, especially since i don't know anyone else that is ;; but man do i miss roleplaying. i miss being younger. a kid still. life didn't seem as oppressive as it does now. things were simpler. i wish i could go back to that, but that's not how time works. life will never be easy. i'll never be able to let out a deep breath and feel my stresses go away. i wasn't blessed with money or a good job. things have never really been stable in my life. not even when i was with my mom, though she did a good job making things seem otherwise.

ah. i wish i wish i wish.]

[size10 if our relationships ever end up not working out, let's move in together and own a house full of cats. actually, all the animals. too many cute animals in the world to limit ourselves to cats.

I wish life was easier and we could both breathe easy. it isn't that simple, but i'll be damned if i give up.

i miss you very much.]

[size10 beep boop this is a bump.]