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As much as I resent you right now.. I'm living in memories that honestly help me be less angry at you -- even though it spikes up when I think about things again.
I miss us, a lot. I'm not even saying the ones in the honeymoon phase years ago, that's a given. I'm saying us two months ago. It was short-lived, but we were.. all over each other, we were happy. I know it's cause I had visited and gone back home, so all those feelings are like a breath of fresh air, and it feels new again. I didn't have those worries of being replaced, I had no insecurities for a small moment.. I miss that.
Something about me being there in person, and knowing I only have a small amount of time to have fun.. pushes you to learn to be understanding and patient, and actually wanting to make up. You were right about that.. it's easier to forgive when they're in front of you sometimes. Because I'd be able to hold you and tell you sorry, and you'd feel more sincere, we'd make up and make out.
Maybe you'd be able to see me saying you 'screw you' from anger, you would be able to see a hint of actually wanting to literally. I know it sounds bad. But I notice sometimes we just.. have to do that to get it out of our system, and that gives you more ease to talk to me, to walk me through your true thoughts, to be more open to me.
I miss calling you these pet names again. I miss teasing you, making fun of you till I know you make that 'hmph' sound and a jigglypuff face.
Passion is what I put out, whether it's anger or love.
And passion is what I loved seeing in you.
So.. when I see you've given up, when you don't bother -- it cuts me more than you spouting angrily back. Because it feels like you admit I'm right, and I don't want to be. I want to be proven wrong for once.
I sometimes blame myself for not getting over what I need to let you back in.. because I miss it so bad. I desperately.. just want to forget it all and truly leave anything that happened in the past where they belong. No reminders, no lingering things, nothing. I'm still trying to heal certain wounds, otherwise.. I'd be having you back with open arms like always..
And maybe you wouldn't have -- maybe we wouldn't have end up this way.]