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There I did something today. I clean the whole bloody apartment. Although you seemed annoyed with me this morning! I did what you asked. I asked and try to wake you. I even cleaned that cat vomit up. When really you should of done it. I work all fucking night. I even set an alarm so I could wake you... You said you were going to think of me a little more but part of feels like that is a lie!

I think of you all the time. I buy us food. I clean the apartment almost everyday. You don't thank me. I mean you do if I tell you I did you will... What I am complaining about... That is what a girlfriend is for right?

I know you really love me though. I don't know why I am so bothered today. Probably because I am so tired... I feel I am losing myself. I really want to draw but I haven't even had time for that... I should just get rid of all that stuff...

[Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZkI3ASz8Lg]

[size10 I'm sure I am over reacting but my feeling were hurt.... by you out of all people.... Look I am sorry your cat has fleas... I did notice the black things in his fur but I honestly thought it was dandruff... He is your cat shouldn't you have been the one to notice if something was off about him....
I have only been here month... I just brought my dresser over I am starting to think it was a mistake... I just feel your blame it on me... He is your cat... I'm just the outsider looking in....

I just don't understand. He never itched like crazy, groomed him self obsessively, I comb him before never seen any fleas... I just don't understand...

Where to start? Yesterday was interesting. I burnt my hand so I didn't go to my other job. I went home. I got to spend a little extra time with him... That part was great... He had to leave and he came back with a gift for me... I was really sleep when he showed me... I must of given him a bad reaction but what he bought me is very expensive ... I feel bad for wanting it... he bought it for me any way... I guess I wasn't ready for a present... I remember tell him it not Christmas.... I shouldn't of done that... I really do love what he got me but he really shouldn't of... when do I have time to play video games... V_V It's also my lady time so that is also bring me down...

Today, I know I am being slow about moving but I work a lot. I got my dresser out... I got my storage bench out... Today my mom asked if I could come over.... I did. She said she had things from my head board for me to get. So I was thinking a box of books and what not... no It a lot . Enough to fill my trunk and back seats of my car.... I don't understand I'm hardly there what is the damn hurry? I planned to get more stuff out this weekend... I am just slow because I have a lot to do... Mostly sleeping since all I do is work...

I really need to write him something sweet. Since he was very sweet to me today!. Today really hasn't gone the greatest. I burnt my hand at work, and I feel bad but I call in at my other job. I don't think I would been much use. I am sure they think I am a lousy employee...

I should be excited for the holidays but I am not. It is just a lot of running around... It doesn't excite me. Not like it use too... I am just ready for them to be over....

Well I told my mom I was going to be moving in with Austin. I think she is happy but I'm not sure. She asked if that was where I have been the past few weeks. Of course that is where I have been. Or I would of come back home...

I hope she is okay with me taking my dresser out of my room... I mean she wants that room by January right?

This has lighten my mood today ^^
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlahNrlcgS4 ]

Loved it!

I had most of what I wanted to say thought out. -_-' I will try my best on summing up what you talked about... Of course my mind is clouded with thoughts... Fear even? I haven't heard from you all day... I am nervous. I still feel rather gross. Mostly because my stomach doesn't want to settle.

When I say doubt is something that is always there. It never goes away completely. It like a thriving tree that refuses to be CUT down... It's still hiding in the crevasse of my mind. It only seems to branch out when I am down... or hurting. It's not just about you... There are other things that cause that tree to thrive.

Maybe you are right I am a little nervous about living with you. I want to. I want it more than anything... Just being around you makes me so happy. I am sorry I have really had much times to look for apartments. It does have to be something we can both agree on. I know I am picky. I know there not a lot we can really afford... For now maybe we can just stay here for a while. We should wait until after winter.

This place has really grown on me. Despite the giant fucking spiders...
I am sorry if I had a look of disgust at first.... I didn't mean it... If I was really that disgusted do you really think I come back out here as often as I do... You know change startles me...

Look I know I am probably still missing some pieces but at the moment this is the best I can do...

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaC0YVaIMno]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkV5709EG5M]
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdQWia3fwMU ]

There are some things I need to address. It is difficult, my mind been clouded by work and all the small surprise I have in store for you.

Today so far has been terrible. It is all because of work. I hate that place sometimes. I did an order that should of been done yesterday wrong... I did fucking holiday colors... My boss made a snarky comment... it really hurt my feelings...

If it was suck a big deal on which sprinkles I use why didn't she help me make new cookies... I pulled them and baked them we even put them in the freezer... There were still other things that had to be done. Customers, need help, I need to put stuff out.... luckily it all worked out the customer was fine with it...

At that point I was stressed, pissed off then it all turn into depression... I didn't even make it to my second job today because I felt like shit... I went to dads and cried. Dad made me feel better. I left and went to Austin's he helped me too but I am still a little down... I hope more sleep will help that.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4OC1lKTS8Y]

Also I really miss Kato... The way he would snuggle me when I hurt... He always came to me when I cried...

I can't believe a week has went by already, for our little trial. I have really enjoyed it... I'm going to be sad when it is over. Seeing you maybe once a week will be hard again...

How would you like to come to a sticky note that said I want to live with you forever.... Haha... you probably just chuckle say January will be here soon enough right?

I'm tired and I need to get to bed but I just wanted to post what is sort of on my mind...

I really like being here. Although I am sad I didn't get to kiss him goodbye. -_-' I suppose he was in a bit of a hurry though. I miss him he only been gone a couple of hours if that. I suppose this is what people call young love right?

Work has been really frustrating. There is so much to do, so little time. Probably because I don't move fast enough... Lately I have been so tired. I'm still getting use to be across town.

Yesterday was terrible, It was so stressed out that I made myself sick. I had a knot in my stomach, I am pretty sure I pissed off my coworkers. I was behind. It took me a while to catch up. I just don't know anymore the stress of these two jobs it starting to get at me more now... I just hope that tonight will be a better night a work. I hope it will go by smoothly I feel I hit a rough patch... Yesterday I was just done... I had my mental break down... I just had it...

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dhx_SGsuNfE]

I came in here to complain but I'm just to tired to too. There a lot on my mind. Lately my mind feels as if it has been clouded.... Like I can't keep my focus on things...

Being here with him is great. Although I came home today to a huge fucking spider.... I about died. Even his cat was scared of this spider.... I feel back but I threw it out side.... heartless of me I know but it can be in here with me... If Austin was home it probably would of felt the wrath of his shoe XD but then again a quick death might been a bit kinder than freezing to death.

I haven't heard from him yet today. I hope everything is okay. I hope he still wants me to come. I am just unsure of what to do. It suppose to snow tonight possibly be nasty in the morning... I really want to go... I am not sure if I should. My step moms and dad said I should go.